Caps? Bolding? Air quotes? And freakin' Comic Sans?

Cleveland Cavaliers majority owner Dan Gilbert’s scathing open letter to the fans is frankly too over-the-top and hubris-laden for my taste. I prefer my NBA owners to be a little less emotional and considerably less reactionary. And Gilbert’s obsessive use of air-quotes is just stupid. Note:

“This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.”

“But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio. The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.”

See what I mean? Emotional, reactionary, and a terrible use of punctuation.

I also don’t like it when owners make on-the-court promises despite the fact that they never shoot the ball or score any points. Note:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

A foolish and ultimately meaningless guarantee from a guy in a suit, not to mention the use of all-caps and bolding in his personal guarantee.

I personally guarantee that if one of my students attempted the all-caps-plus-bolding technique on an essay, regardless of how strongly they felt about an issue, they would be hearing from me.

But the poor punctuation, the unmitigated vitriol, the lack of stylization and the amateur use of capitals and bolding all pale in comparison to the worst part of the entire letter:

The use of the Comic Sans font.

C’mon, Dan. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that this is the worst font ever created?