Gratitude journal: I didn’t marry that woman.

Tonight I am grateful that my wife is not the woman who was sitting behind me during last night’s Second City performance, failing to hear about a third of the punch lines and then asking her husband what they were after the fact.

I wanted to turn around and say:

1. When you ask him to repeat a punch line, it is never as funny as it was a moment ago. Actually, it’s never funny at all because comedy hinges on timing and your husband is clearly not a funny man.
2. When you ask him to repeat a punch line, you and your husband are now more likely to miss the next one.
3. When you ask him to repeat a punch line, the half dozen people surrounding you are now required to listen to your husband repeat the punch line as well.
4. The half dozen people surrounding you all hate you and hope your husband divorces you and marries someone much younger and smarter than you.