Never Have I Ever

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Several weeks ago, back when the world was still normal, a popular meme went around on social media called “Never Have I Ever.” The goal of the game was to give yourself a point for every item on the list that you had never done.

Here’s the list.

It was a good premise, but I didn’t think the list was constructed very well. Being the author of a novel written entirely in lists, I like to think that I’m a bit of an expert on the subject.

I scored a 5 in the game. The things I had never done included:

  1. Done drugs

  2. Gotten a tattoo

  3. Smoked

  4. Gotten a piercing

  5. Been skydiving

A 5 seemed like a low number, but in talking with friends, most people scored between 4-6 points.

That’s no fun.

I thought it would be more fun to create a list of things that were less probable but still possible, so I spent some time creating a list of things that I’ve done in my life that most people have not.

Behold! My own “Never Have I Ever” list. I’ve done each and every item on the list at least once, so my score is zero.

What would your score be?

  1. Been arrested and put on trial for a crime you didn’t commit

  2. Required CPR from paramedic in order to restore your life (twice, though once is acceptable)

  3. Been lifted from your bed in the middle of the night by firefighters while your house burned

  4. Owned a pet raccoon

  5. Pole vaulted

  6. Evaded police in a high speed chase

  7. Officiated the wedding of your ex-wife’s ex-husband

  8. Assigned someone a permanent nickname that they didn’t want nor appreciated

  9. Been completely naked onstage in front of more than 200 strangers

  10. Robbed a retail establishment

  11. Been suspended from school for “inciting riot upon yourself”

  12. Been photographed for a medical journal after having been infected by a rare disease

  13. Been paid to strip at a bachelorette party

  14. Avoided using a drug of any kind, including tobacco

  15. Egged a teacher’s house

  16. Been homeless for more than a month

  17. Successfully sued the President of the United States

  18. Been robbed st gunpoint

  19. Accidentally left an infant home alone

  20. Competed in illegal, underground arm wresting tournaments

What’s your score?

Now go make your own list. I’d love to see it.