No more swing sets, please. Never again.

Last weekend Elysha and I saw Jagged Little Pill on Broadway, which I liked but did not love.

A couple of terribly failed scenes, a wholly unnecessary plot line, and one big sledgehammer to the head of the audience at the end of the show spoiled it for me.

The show did, however, feature one of the most thrilling moments in all of live theater for me, so it was worth the price of admission. Plus I was sitting beside Elysha, which makes every show a little more exciting.

In addition to the serious flaws in the writing of the musical, one other thing really stood out for me:

Early in the show, when two teenagers slip away for a romantic moment alone, they find themselves in a park, sitting on a swing set.

I’d like to go on the record as saying that “teenagers staring moony-eyed at each other while sitting on swings” is officially done. It’s a trope that needs to be killed forever.

No more, please.

Never again.

It’s a moment I’ve seen a million times before - in television, film, and on the stage - and it’s something that I even did myself as a teenager.

Several times.

Of all the locations where these two characters could’ve ended up, why in the world would anyone choose a location that every audience member has seen before? It’s a tragically ordinary moment - overdone and cliché - and I can’t imagine how it was allowed to stand.

Jagged Little Pill has received mixed reviews since it opened, leaning positive but not overwhelmingly so. But with some surgical revisions and a fresh take on a few scenes, I think it could be improved considerably.

They really should give me a call.

This is massive hubris, I know. Arrogance and assumption beyond compare. I’ve written one rock opera and three tween musicals in my life.

What do I know about a Broadway production?

Maybe enough to keep a damn swing set off the stage and perhaps enough to streamline a bloated plot and freshen a few scenes and really improve the show.

But again, that’s hubris and arrogance beyond compare.

But also probably right.