A humble offer to Dunkin’ Donuts

I don’t drink coffee. I rarely eat donuts.

Even still, I’d like to humbly offer my services to Dunkin’ Donuts, a business that has six locations (no exaggeration) within one mile of my home (also no exaggeration).

I watched this commercial last night, waiting for the irony… the moment when the commercial would turn on itself and make fun of its own stupidity, except that never happened.

Someone actually wrote this, filmed it and broadcast it, thinking it was good. Thinking it would make viewers want to purchase Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. 

Dunkin’ Donuts chieftains, I promise you this:

I will write 50 commercials better than this one. Maybe 100. I realize that I am establishing a low bar based upon the mediocrity I witnessed tonight, but I will exceed that bar y a wide margin. I promise.

Make me an offer. Seriously. Make me an offer.