You can heretofore refer to me as Lord Matthew J. Dicks if you would like, because I am an actual Lord. Seriously.

It should be hereby known, with all sincerity, what I am a Lord of the Principality of Sealand and can be referred to as such if you would like. Lord Matthew J. Dicks of the Principality of Sealand

And before you doubt the validity of this Lordship, let me assure you that it is real in every way. Though the Principality of Sealand's legitimacy has been questioned at times, it's long history of repelling foreign attacks and being granted international status by nations like Germany has allowed it to remain standing after all these years.

I won’t require anyone to refer to me by my title (nor will I stop you from choosing to do so), just like I do not require people to refer to me as Reverend Matthew Dicks, even though I was ordained by the Universal Life Church more than a decade ago and have been operating in the capacity of a religious leader ever since.

To insist upon the use of any title would be terribly pretentious, even though Lord and Reverend Matthew J. Dicks does have a nice ring to it.

Actually, I think I’m going to request that my editor to refer to me Lord Matthew J. Dicks. That should be amusing.

It should also be known that although I spent the money to grant me an actual Lordship of this independent nation, I did not pay for my wife to become a Lady, mostly because she thought that my Lordship was a ridiculous waste of money.

She just can't  understand how much joy I have already derived from this turn of events. I promise you that this Lordship was worth every penny.

So while I shall forever be known as Lord Matthew J. Dicks, my wife remains a commoner without a title. Quite gracious of me to extend my hand in marriage to someone so beneath my station. Wouldn’t you say?

Regardless of our marriage, please do not apply the title of Lady to my wife unless she changes her mind and forks over the thirty bucks.