Deathbed regrets revisited 2014

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Three years ago, in response to a piece listing the most frequent death bed regrets of the dying, I listed what I thought would be my most likely death bed regrets.

Two years later, I revised the list, removing “I did not get into enough fist fights” from the list after reading about the number of unintentional deaths resulting from fist fights. 

There were:

  1. I did not travel enough.
  2. I never pole vaulted again after high school.
  3. I did not spend enough time with Clara.
  4. I started publishing novels too late in life and did not have a chance to tell all my stories.

One year later, the list holds up surprisingly well.

Unfortunately well.

I have still not traveled nearly enough.

I have yet to pole vault (though I may do so in the near future).

I never feel like I spend enough time with Clara.

I still have a pile of story ideas clamoring for a place on the page.

In terms of revising the list, I’ll have to add Charlie to item #3. Just as I never feel like I spend enough time with Clara, I also feel like I don’t spend enough time with Charlie.

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I’m also adding a new item to the list, the first since I made this list back in 2011:

I never made enough of an effort to know my father.

Since my parents divorce when I was seven years-old, my father and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship.

Mostly off-again.

There have been long stretches of time when we did not communicate at all. My father did not meet my daughter until she was almost four years-old. Most recently, Dad and I have begun to write letters to each other in an effort to get to know each other better. It’s been good.

We try to see each other on holidays whenever possible.

He’s finally met his grandchildren.

It’s still hard. We don’t know each other very well. He won’t come to my home in Connecticut to visit. He works a great deal, so finding time to see him is difficult. I don’t always feel like he is trying very hard to know me and my family, and that makes it even more difficult for me.   

Nevertheless, I could be trying harder.

Someday, my father will be gone. When that happens, I know I will regret the lost time and missed opportunities.

Thus my new list of anticipated death bed regrets:

  1. I did not travel enough.
  2. I never pole vaulted again after high school.
  3. I did not spend enough time with Clara and Charlie.
  4. I started publishing novels too late in life and did not have a chance to tell all my stories.
  5. I never made enough of an effort to know my father.

The good news is that I still have no intention of ever dying, so I’ll never find myself on my death bed.