Friendship rating guidelines

In preparing to revise my famous Friendship Application, I was explaining to Bengi, my DJ partner, best man in my wedding, and friend of more than twenty years, that one of the ways that I evaluate a person’s importance as a friend is by the number of Gmail groups to which the person belongs.

Bengi, for example, belongs to two groups: Poker and Readers. This means that he receives emails related to my upcoming poker games and he is also reading my latest manuscript.  

Two groups is good but not great.  My friend, Kim, for example, belongs to four groups: Writer’s Group, Book Club, Readers and Smart People.

This means that she is a member of my flagging, off-and-on writing group, a member of our slacker book club, a reader of my manuscript and one of the few people to whom I forward interesting and informative articles related to education, the economy, science and other such lofty pursuits.  

In fact, Kim takes top honors in this regard, holding the record for the most groups and beating my wife by one.  Elysha shares the same groups as Kim except that she is not a member of my writing group.

But I like I said, this is just one of the ways that I evaluate importance.

Okay, honey?