One of the benefits of having children

For years, I have been waiting for the opportunity to use the truckload of outstanding tricks and pranks that I have accumulated over the years on a child of my own. Now that I have a daughter who is beginning to be able to communicate, that day in finally drawing near. Here’s one of my favorites:

On Christmas morning, the little devil will come running down the stairs to the Christmas tree, and amongst the many presents littering the floor will be an enormous box, wrapped with an enormous bow, and addressed to all of the children (probably two by then).

I will tell them that this is the best present that they will ever receive, but that they must wait until all the other gifts are unwrapped before they open it. As they begin ripping through the other gifts, I will seek to build their anticipation over the enormous gift, referencing it constantly and encouraging them to hurry up.

Finally, the time will come to open the enormous box. I will ask them to wait one more moment while I ensure that the camera is rolling and there is ample battery power to capture the big moment. Ready at last, I will tell them to proceed and will record the tearing down of wrapping paper and the struggle with the bow until the package is finally, blissfully open.

Inside the kids will find a slip of paper that reads:

Food, shelter, and clothing. The best gifts of all, and given all year round.

The looks on their faces should be priceless, don’t you think?