I can make even the most hardened FBI agent crazy

The members of the Westboro Baptist Church—the lunatic fringe group that pickets soldiers’ funerals with hate speech— was invited to Quantico Marine Base in Virginia to assist in training agents on how to stay calm when dealing with a witness or suspect with whom they would “have a strong, visceral disagreement.” The program was quickly ended when FBI agents balked at the idea of working with hate mongers.

But if FBI agents truly require this kind of training, I have a solution:

Me.

While I despise everything that the Westboro Baptist Church stands for, I have been playing Devil’s Advocate for most of my life, and I am perfectly capable of assuming some of the most ludicrous and offensive positions known to man for the sake of national security.

I may not believe in the requisite lunatic position, but I promise to convince you otherwise.

For a nominal fee, of course.

And travel expenses.