If you haven’t seen White House Down yet, don’t. You’ve probably seen it already and just don’t realize it.

I watched White House Down last night.

I wish someone would’ve told me not to.

If you haven’t seen the film, I strongly suggest that you avoid it. Don’t be fooled by the presence of Oscar Award winners.

They were clearly fooled, too.

And you’ve probably seen the movie already, since it is nothing but an amalgamation of other movies, mostly from the mid-late 1990s.

The number of stolen scenes and tropes is astounding. 

The pitch for the movie, I’m fairly certain, went something like this:

It’s Die Hard in the White House. Actually, it’s Die Hard and Die Hard with a Vengeance in the White House, but get this: We’re also going to throw in a little Armageddon and a little Air Force One, too. Actually, a lot of Air Force One. Then we’re going to steal the ends of the movies Mission Impossible and The Rock (and I’m talking the exact endings of these movies) and insert both of them onto the movie, too, except not at the end. We’re going to use these movies’ super memorable ending moments in the middle of this movie. There’s even going to be a moment from Battleship, too, but that movie sucked, so we won’t talk about it. We’ll just steal it.

I’m sure there were stolen moments from other films, too, but I stopped paying attention when the movie got really stupid, which happened a lot.