The mindset of the person who affixes those stick figure family decals to the rear window of their car mystifies me.

I like to imagine the decision making process that goes on in someone’s mind when they make a choice that I think is fairly stupid.

Take those stick figure decals that you see in the rear windows of cars the serve as a representation of a family’s size and composition.

Stupid. Right?

Of course they are.

Yet a disturbing number of people affix these things to their car windows with alarming frequency. This means that there was a moment in a person’s life when he or she decided to purchase these decals and thought that this purchase was a good idea.

What could they have been thinking in that moment?

“I want people parked beside me at the super market to know exactly how many people are in my family, just in case they think all this food is for me.”

“Janet’s minivan has decals like these, and I think Janet is just the coolest mother ever. I want to be just like Janet. I want my kids to love me as much Janet’s kids love her. Why don’t my kids love me like Janet’s kids love her? Why doesn’t my husband look at me the same way he did when we were first married? Was he staring at Janet’s ass at the PTO bake sale last week? How much do these decals cost?” 

“I’m a baby making machine, and I want the world (or at least the people stuck behind me at traffic lights) to know it, goddamn it.”

“Joe and I only had two children, because we are responsible citizens of this planet who only seek to replace ourselves and limit our carbon footprint. I want my vehicle to reflect this philosophy in the most obnoxious way possible.”

“I’m so proud of my family. The kids. The cat. Even my stupid husband. These stick figure decals are the perfect way to show how proud I am.”

“Look! A kind of family checklist that I can stick on my car, so I’ll never forget any of my kids at the amusement park or the laundromat again.”