Who knew that erectile dysfunction could be so captivating and suspenseful?

I was on the elliptical, flipping between channels on the adjacent television. On an ideal day, there is a movie, a Yankees game, a SportsCenter and a rerun of The Daily Show all airing at the same time to keep me entertained. Even two of these is great.

I stopped flipping at AMC, a channel that often airs classic movies.

I love to watch old Westerns with the closed captioning turned on. The way in which the writers of these captions describe the sounds and music from these films fascinates me.

Instead of a movie, a commercial was airing. I decided to wait for it to end.  Thirty seconds became a minute. One minute became two. Then I began to wonder if what I was watching was an actual television show. Around minute three I realized that I had been duped by an infomercial, but I was trapped.

I had been watching for three full minutes and still had no idea what product the two gentlemen sitting behind a news desk were talking about.

This was the worst infomercial ever, I thought. Three minutes and I don’t know what you’re pitching.

But then again, I was still watching after three minutes.

Around the tenth minute, I realized that the product had something to do with erectile dysfunction, but the pitchmen had yet to show the product, describe the product, or even place the product in a general category.

Was it a pill?

A medical procedure?

It was covered by Medicare (a fact that was repeated again and again), so could it be some form of outpatient surgery?

Around the twentieth minute, I gained a vague understanding of what the product was, but it wasn’t until I was at home, in front of my computer, that I was able to learn the true, horrifying nature of the product.

Even their website is exceedingly vague until you start digging a little.

And I don’t blame them for being vague. I would be to, if I were selling this product.

But it captured my attention for twenty minutes via solid production values, passionate pitchmen and the building of suspense. I had to give a nod to these infomercial producers. Even after I had a vague idea of what the product was, I kept watching, desperately wanting a glimpse of this product, and I eventually visited their website.

What more could the maker of this product ask? Especially considering I have no need for the product.

That is some seriously effective advertising.

The name of the product is Pos-T-Vac.

Click at your own risk.