Resolution update: August 2015

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PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

Feeling younger every day. Sincerely.  

2. Lose 20 pounds.

Down 12 pounds as of this morning. I might actually accomplish this after all.   

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.

Done. 

4. Stop drinking soda from two-liter bottles.

I didn’t drink soda from a two-liter bottle in August. Soda consumption continues to fall dramatically and water consumption is on the increase. 

5. Practice yoga at least five days a week.

I continue to practice yoga every morning. I am still not good. I still need a refresher from my coach. I will try to get one this month.   

6. Learn to cook three good meals for my wife.

I have three recipes to plan for courtesy of a good friend. I have done nothing with them thus far. 

WRITING CAREER

7. Complete my sixth novel before the end of 2015.

Good news! My publisher and I have agreed on a new two book deal, including this novel. It will not be completed by the end of the summer, so I am adjusting my goal is the end of 2015.

In fairness, I've written more than a novel's worth of content this year, spread between three different books, but none are completely finished.   

8. Complete my seventh novel.

This book is also more than half finished.   

9. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

Four of my children's books are in the hands of an actual editor who requested to see them. We await word on any potential offer. 

10. Sell a memoir to a publisher.

The memoir is written and polished. It will be paired with my book of essays, so it remains on my laptop, waiting for the essays to be complete.  

11. Sell a book of essays to a publisher.

My book of essays was pitched did not sell, but the revised version of the project is moving along at a rapid pace. Based upon the feedback from editors during the first round, we are very hopeful. 

12. Complete a book proposal for a book on storytelling.

Progress continues. It's now fully outlined. I need to write 2-3 sample chapters and the actual proposal. Elysha thinks that completing this proposal should be a priority, so I have made it such.  

13. Write a new screenplay.

Revisions of my first screenplay - based upon film agent’s notes - are nearly complete.  

I have decided upon the story for the next screenplay and have the story fairly well outlined (thanks in part to a friend's excellent suggestion).   

14. Write 50 pages of a new memoir about the years of 1991-1993.

The collection of essays that I am writing now encompasses this period of time. This book and the book of essays are now one and the same.   

15. Write a musical for a summer camp.

Done! I was lucky enough to see it performed onstage in July. The feedback was outstanding. I hope to find a home for it at some point.

The musical that we wrote for last year's summer camp will be produced this fall at schools and other venues in the Hartford area. I am thrilled. 

16. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a physical newspaper.

Done! I published an Op-Ed in the Hartford Courant in July on why I choose to write in McDonald's restaurants.

I've also been asked to write another Op-Ed for the Courant for October. My dream is to land a weekly column at a newspaper like the Hartford Courant someday, but this is probably a hard gig to get. 

17. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

I submitted one of my short stories to a student magazine in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and it was accepted. The bar for acceptance was admittedly quite low, but it counts. 

18. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

I spent a week in July backing into parking spots, which was something I assumed was only done by lunatics of the highest order. I'm in the process of writing about my experience in for a blog post (or perhaps an Op-Ed somewhere).

I'm on the hunt for my second behavior. Suggestions? 

19. Build an author mailing list.

Done! My latest newsletter was sent today. My mailing list is close to 1,000 subscribers and growing. 

If you're not signed up for my mailing list, you can do so here. 

20. Build a new website for matthewdicks.com

Done!  

STORYTELLING

21. Produce a total of eight Speak Up storytelling events.

We produced our seventh show at Real Art Ways in August. Our next show on September 12 at the Noah Webster House in West Hartford, CT will complete this goal. We will exceed it by at least three by the end of 2015.   

22. Deliver my fourth TED Talk.

Done! The recording was released in August. One of the cameras did not record my talk, and the other started about two minutes late. The recording is disappointing and useless. I have the worst TED luck ever.  

23. Build a website for Speak Up.

Done! It’s a single page on my new author website, and it’s not nearly as robust as we want it to eventually be, but Speak Up finally has a webpage where you can find dates of events, ticket information, an opportunity to sign up for the mailing list, and more. You can find our webpage at speakupstorytelling.com.

24. Attend at least 10 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

Done! I attended three Moth StorySLAMs in August and told stories at all three events. This brings my total number of Moth events in 2015 to 18. 

25. Win at least two Moth StorySLAMs.

Done! I won a StorySLAM at The Bell House in Brooklyn on August 3. I won a StorySLAM at Oberon in Cambridge back in April, giving me the two wins needed to achieve this goal. 

I'd like to double this win total before the end of the year. 

26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

Done twice over! I won the New York GrandSLAM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in April and June.      

27. Launch at least one podcast.

We have a name. We have a recording date. It should publish before the end of October.

NEW PROJECTS

28. Pitch at least three new projects to two smart people.

No progress in August. So far I have pitched two new projects to two smart people.  

29. Host at least one Shakespeare Circle.

Nothing scheduled yet.

MISCELLANEOUS

30. Enroll in the final class needed for certification as a high school English teacher.

No progress. 

31. Set a new personal best in golf.

I did not break 100 in the month of August. I shot a 48 for nine holes, which was three off my personal best.  

32. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

My son says the funniest things. In retrospect.

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Texts from my wife abut my three year-old son, Charlie:

Driving thru Starbucks. Clara wants a water. I ask Charlie if he wants one, too. He says, "How about no? How about a Dunkin Donut?" 

  1. Charlie woke up early because he pooped. When I went in his room he said, "I pooped. Will you change my diaper and then take care of me in your bed?" So cute. I was hoping he'd get in bed and cuddle and maybe nap but nooo. He was wide awake by then! Now he's chasing Owen around with a Lego saying, "Here kitty kitty kitty!"


Three siblings. All hit by cars. It's weird. Right?

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It occurred to me during a visit with my sister that my brother, my sister, and I have all been hit by cars in our lifetimes.

"That seems a little weird," I said to my wife. "Right?"

"YES," she replied, emphatically. 
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My younger brother, Jeremy, was hit by a car while riding his bike when he was about ten years-old. We were riding home together on a Saturday morning. I was in the lead, about 50 feet ahead of my brother. I looked over my shoulder, checked for oncoming traffic, and turned left onto our street. 

Jeremy assumed that I was checking the traffic for him as well and followed me without looking for himself. He was hit by a car traveling about 40 MPH and thrown off his bike, over the hood of the car, and onto the pavement. He broke his arm, tore open his head, and broke his glasses into two pieces at the bridge. He would later tape his glasses back together in the hospital with medical tape and write the letter J on the tape.

They wouldn't be replaced for more than a year. 

My sister recalls me calling home to let me parents know that Jeremy had been hit and that the ambulance was on the way. When my mother answered the phone, I said, "Mom, I need to talk to Dad." After telling my stepfather what had happened, I warned him not to tell Mom.   
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My sister was hit by a car as an adult while crossing a four lane highway on a Saturday night. Her shoes were found 87 feet from her body. She ended up in a bed and then a wheelchair for more than a year, and she still has screws sticking out of her elbow. 

When she called the police officer who had collected her personal belongings at the scene of the accident, his first response was, "You're still alive?"
____________________________
I was hit by a car in a head-on collision with a Mercedes on December 23, 1988. My head went through the windshield but my legs became embedded in parts of the dashboard. I actually died at the scene and was brought back to life in the ambulance.

You can read about my accident in detail here or listen to my onstage version of this story here.

The question that lingers is this:

Is my family incredibly lucky to have suffered so many vehicular impacts and survived, or are we incredibly unlucky to have suffered these accidents in the first place?

I'm honestly not sure.

How to make a reader in one easy, high effective step

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My daughter can read. She's six years-old and started first grade yesterday, and that girl can legitimately read books. Hard books. Real books. She can read books that I can't believe she can read. My girl is a reader. And she loves to read. 

And her brother is only three years-old and can't read yet, but the boy loves books, too. He will sit in the car and turn the pages of book after book, as happy as can be. He begs for additional books every night before bed. He stares at the pages with intensity. He loves books and is well on his way to becoming a reader, too.  

Here's the thing:

I didn't do anything to teach her to read, and neither did my wife. We are both elementary school teachers, and yet we have never delivered a reading lesson to our children.. No discussion about vowel sounds or consonant blends or the magic E. No running records or fluency practice. We barely participated in her kindergarten homework last year, but this girl can read. 

As a parent who wants to take credit for everything that my children do well, this is disturbing. My little girl can read, and I'm not responsible.

Then someone reminded me that my wife and I have been reading books to our children before bed every single night of their lives almost without exception, and that we are often reading to our kids during the day as well.

We don't trace the words with our fingers or point out high frequency words or discuss CVC words. We don't ask them to try to read any words. We don't use any of the literacy skills that we learned as elementary school teachers. 

We just read. 

Remarkably, less than half of all Americans do this. A survey in 2013 found that only one-third of American read to their children every night before bed. Children are more likely to be playing video games and watching television before bed than reading. 

I can't believe it.   

PEOPLE! READ TO YOUR CHILDREN!

Sit down for 20-30 minutes before bed every night and read to your kids. Read the same damn books over and over again, even if you can't stand them. Go to libraries and bring home piles of books. Ask your friends and relatives for books. Make sure that the last thing your child does every single night for the first five years of life and beyond is read. 

Somehow, it works. And I should know it works since as a teacher, I know that all the research in the world says it works.

I guess I just never really believed it.

Best of all, the return on investment is enormous. In exchange for 30 meaningful minutes spent with your child every night, you will produce a child who will one day pick up a book and just start reading, seemingly out of the blue. You will produce a reader who learns her grade level sight words by October. You will produce a child who loves books and loves to read so much that she stays up late at night in her bed reading well after you have told her to go to sleep.

I did almost nothing, and I produced a reader. I'm amazing. I'm the best parent ever. I set my child up for lifelong success. I deserve a medal. Two medals. Two medals and a big-ass trophy. 

And all I did was read to my kids.

My wife helped, too. 

The hardest part about my visit to Brazil

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So much about my trip to Brazil this summer was outstanding. The people who I met and the places I visited will remain with me forever. 

Here was the hardest part:

These are all photos that Elysha sent to me while I was gone. Constant reminders of the people I love most, half a world away.

Don't get me wrong. I wanted the photos. I needed the photos. But boy did they make my heart ache every day.  

Shortcomings and Flaws: 2015

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A reader once accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible.

After refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and offered to list them in order to appease my angry reader. Then I did. Then I added to the list when friends suggested that I had forgotten a few.

Nice friends. Huh?

So began an annual tradition of posting my list of shortcomings and flaws, starting first in 2011, and continuing in 2012, 2013, and 2014. 

Here is the revised list for 2015. I’ve added six items (the last six) and removed one item from the list, bringing my total to 35.

The item I have removed:

I am incapable of carrying on small talk for any length of time and become extremely irritable and uncomfortable when forced to do so.

I'm quite capable of this now. Surprising but true.  

If you have a suggestion for a flaw or shortcoming that you do not see on the list, please feel free to submit it for review.

Matthew Dicks’s List of Shortcomings and Flaws

1. I have difficulty being agreeable even when the outcome means nothing to me but means a great deal to someone else.

2. I have a limited, albeit expanding palate (though I would like to stress that this is not by choice).

3. I often lack tact, particularly in circumstances in which tact is especially important.

4. I am a below average golfer.

5. It is hard for me to sympathize with adults with difficulties that I do not understand, do not think are worthy of sympathy, and/or are suffering with difficulties that I would have avoided entirely.

6. I have difficulty putting myself in another person’s shoes. Rather than attempting understand the person, I envision myself within their context and point out what I would have done instead.

7. When it comes to argument and debate, I often lack restraint. I will use everything in my arsenal in order to win, even if this means hurting the other person’s feelings in the process.

8. I do many things for the sake of spite.

9. I have an unreasonable fear of needles.

10. I become angry and petulant when told what to wear.

11. Bees kill me dead.

12. I become sullen and inconsolable when the New England Patriots lose a football game.

13. I lack adequate compassion and empathy for adults who are not very smart or resourceful or are easily overwhelmed.

14. I can form strong opinions about things that I possess a limited knowledge of and are inconsequential to me.

15. Field of Dreams makes me cry every time without fail.

16. I am unable to make the simplest of household or automobile repairs.

17. I would rarely change the sheets on my bed if not for my wife.

18. I eat ice cream too quickly.

19. I procrastinate when it comes to tasks that require the use of the telephone.

20. I am uncomfortable and ineffective at haggling for a better price.

21. I am exceptionally hard on myself when I fail to reach a goal or meet a deadline.

22. I take little pleasure in walking.

23. Sharing food in restaurants annoys me.

24. I drink too much Diet Coke.

25. My hatred for meetings of almost any kind cause me to be unproductive, inattentive, and obstructionist.

26. Disorganization and clutter negatively impacts my mood, particularly when I cannot control the clutter myself.

27. I am overly critical of my fellow storytellers, applying my own rules and standards to their performances.

28. I cannot load a dishwasher effectively.

29. I think less of people who nap.

30. I lack patience when it comes to assisting people with technology.

31. I am easily annoyed by the earnestness of adults.

32. I don't spend enough time with my best friend.

33. I have a difficult time respecting someone's accomplishments if they benefited from economic privilege in their life.

34. I believe that there are right and wrong ways of parenting. 

35. I love saying, "I told you so" so freaking much. 

Dirt Mountain

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With the entire beach - sand and water and toys - available to them, my children are naturally drawn to the thrill of a pile of dirt.

When in Brazil, go see Judy.

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I met a person in Brazil named Judy. If you ever travel to Sao Paulo and need a fascinating person to guide you, Judy is the person to hire. She is a Canadian who has been living in Brazil for almost a decade after having spent the previous decade backpacking solo in more than 40 countries around the world.

Judy is the only person who I have ever met who has stories that rival mine. For every horrific and unbelievable and ridiculous thing that has happened to me, Judy has a similar story to share.

Unfortunately, Judy is also the worst food describer on the planet. When trying to convince me to try acai, she told me that it tasted like earth. "Kind of like dirt. Gritty."

Despite her terrible description, I tried it anyway and liked it. 

Later, when trying to describe a dessert to a friend, she said, "Have you ever wanted Gummi Bears, except you really wanted a healthier version of Gummi Bears?"

"No," I explained. "No one has ever had that thought in all of human history."

Not only was the description ridiculous, but the dessert turned out to be nothing like Gummi Bears, healthy or otherwise.

These are just two of several examples of Judy's problem. I saw it happen over and over again. The woman has no vocabulary when it comes to food. 

But if you're in need of an entertaining guide while in Brazil and can overlook this one glaring flaw, there might be no better person to hire than Judy. I spent a day walking the streets of Vila Madalena with her, taking in the street art and swapping stories about our lives, and over the course of my week in Brazil, she joined me twice for dinner. I always had a good time when I was with her and learned a great deal about the country in the process.

Of course, Judy's not actually a tour guide. In real life, she's a middle school teacher, but since she's also Canadian, she could probably be convinced to escort you through the streets of Sao Paulo if you needed someone to guide you.

Those Canadians are too damn nice for their own good.    

Observations from a week in Brazil

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Brazil was only the second country outside the United States that I visited, so some of my observations may apply to many other places and probably do. But in terms of my experiences, here is a list of notable observations from my recent trip to Brazil:

  • Dessert is a big deal in Brazil. It's eaten after every lunch and dinner. This is not a complaint. 
  • The mall is a serious piece of business in Brazil. Brazilians flock to the mall in droves. They are like American teens in the 1980's when it comes to their affinity for the mall. 
  • The motorcycles in Sao Paulo are insane daredevils. They weave in and out of traffic like it doesn't exist. I'm told that two motorcyclists die each day in the city.
  • Elevator banks lack a central calling button. You press the button on one of the elevators and then watch all three or four, waiting for one to arrive. Many elevators also have an additional door that swings on a hinge before stepping into the car. I have been told that this is a safety door, but I can't for the life of me figure out how it makes the elevator any safer. 
  • Service in Brazil is outstanding. A waiter is standing beside your table for most of your meal.
  • A chair is set aside at restaurants for purses and other bags, because it is considered bad luck to place your bag on the floor. It has something to do with money escaping your bag if it's placed on the ground.
  • There is no Diet Coke in Brazil as far as I can tell. Coke Zero rules the country. 
  • American music (in its original English form) is the dominant form of music played in all public locations.
  • American restaurant and retail chains dot the landscape, including Outback Steakhouse, Starbucks, McDonald's, car dealers, and dozens of stores in the mall.
  • When eating pizza in a restaurant, the waiter serves you a slice and then removes the pizza from the table. When you have finished your slice, the waiter returns almost immediately with another slice. It is slightly unnerving how efficient they are.  
  • I ate in a total of nine restaurants during my visit. I saw one female hostess but no female members of the waitstaff. I am not sure if this is the result of a low sample size or evidence of a demographic reality. 
  • Many houses are built behind walls in much of Sao Paulo. Many of these walls are topped with electrified wire. It is a reminder that despite its beauty, there is still a great deal of poverty in this country. 
  • I am not a fan of shopping of any kind, but the Mercado Municipal in central Sao Paulo turns shopping into art. Stained glass windows and foods of all kinds make it feel as if you are walking through a painting, and the streets outside the Mercado, while slightly wilder than the Mercado's interior, are just as alluring. 


"Hate is a strong word." It's also not so strong a word. So let's stop saying otherwise.

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Can we all agree that "Hate is a strong word" is a statement that never needs to be said ever, ever again?

First, it's not exactly a new concept. In fact, it's used so often that it's become a reflexive retort for some people. Yes, we all know that hate is a strong word. We get it. It's not like we're confusing the word with indifferent or disapprove.

Second, even a word as clearly defined as hate has degrees of intensity, and any rationale, reasonable person recognizes this. 

If my friend and I are tied on the last hole of a round of golf, and he hits his tee shot 300 yards straight down the fairway, I might say, "I hate you." 

My friend doesn't say, "Hate is a strong word." He laughs. He smiles. He shrugs his shoulders in false modesty. He understands that I don't really hate him, though in that singular moment, I might.

Yes, hate is a strong word. It's also a not-so-strong word depending upon the context.  

While we're on the subject, I also do not support the insanity of parents and teachers who tell children that they cannot use the word hate in their everyday speech, as if banning the word will ban the emotion behind it.

The more you restrict the use of the word, the more power and desirability that word gains. Sanitizing speech only ensures that the language being sanitized will be used often in the near future. 

Five of my more anomalous wedding anomalies (i.e. strangest clients ever)

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I have worked as a DJ at more than 400 weddings over the past 19 years, including:

  • A groom's first and second wedding (different women each time)
  • My ex-girlfriend's wedding
  • My other ex-girlfriend's wedding
  • My wife's ex-boyfriend's wedding
  • My ex-wife's ex-husband's wedding (where I also served as the minister)



My former students occupy such important spaces in my life

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There have been so many unexpected benefits to my teaching career, but none have been more surprising than the lifelong relationships that I have established with so many of my students.

I first got to know these people as seven or eight or ten year-old children, and so many of them are now adults who occupy such an important space in my life.

My wife posted this on Facebook last night about one of those former students:

“Kate, babysitter extraordinaire and former student of Matt (grade 3) and mine (grade 5) just sang a lullaby over speaker phone to Charlie who wouldn’t go to bed without hearing a song that only she knows. Can I just tell you how special it was for me to hear a kid (well, not anymore) who I taught 12 years ago when she was ten sing my little one to sleep? (The answer is: pretty damn special.) Kate, thank you for making Charlie’s and my night.”
— Elysha Dicks

Not every teacher chooses to forge such close ties with their former students, but I can't for the life of me understand why.