I get much, much better with age

On Saturday I served as a judge for the state finals of the American Legion’s Oratorical Contest. During the luncheon that followed the event, I learned that the mayor served as a judge for last year’s contest, and forty years before that, he had finished second in the same contest.

I suggested that after 40 years, the mayor might as well start telling people that he won the contest, since it was doubtful that anyone would bother to check.

This led me to decide that my achievements will also improve as the years go by.

For example:

• In 1995 and 1996, I won back-to-back state debate championships while attending Manchester Community College.

By the time I turn 65, I’ll have won six in a row.

• In 1996, I was a Truman Scholarship finalist and a USA Today Academic All American, second team.

By 2030 I’ll have won a Truman scholarship and a Fulbright scholarship as well, and my position on the Academic All American Team will be elevated from second team to first team.

• I was named the McDonald’s Manager of the Year in 1989, 1992 and 1993.

When I turn 60, I’ll have won the award from 1989-1995.

• In 2005, I was named Teacher of the Year in my school district and was one of three finalists for Connecticut Teacher of the Year.

By the time I retire, I will have won the Connecticut Teacher of the Year award and been named one of three finalists for the national award. And by the time I’m 90 years old, I will have won that as well.

Age has its privileges.