Five ways I’ll know that I’ve finally made it as a screenwriter.

1. I write a movie wherein the male lead is wearing glasses and researching something and his female romantic interest reminds him about the importance of eating. 
2. I write a movie wherein the male lead has been treated for serious injuries and attempts to get out of bed in order to save the day, only to be pushed back by his female romantic interest, who reminds him that he is still recovering from that thing that would’ve killed any normal person. 
3. I write a movie wherein alcoholism is a disease limited only to men and can be cured by the need to save the world.
4. I write a movie wherein mechanical failures can be instantly repaired with punches, kicks, and head butts to parts of the machine that have nothing to do with the failure. 
5. I write a movie wherein the intelligence of law enforcement officials is in inverse proportion to their rank.