First time in history that “Cleanest teeth” isn’t so great

Here are two maps revealing how each state shines and suffers in regards to science, nature, public health or social justice. The first map indicates the area in which each state fails to excel to the greatest degree, and the second map indicates the areas in which the state excels the most.

I live in Connecticut.  In terms of the area that my state does not excel, we have the highest rate of pancreatic cancer in the country.

Not good.

And the area that we excel:

Cleanest teeth.

With all of the possible outcomes impacted by science, nature, public health and social justice, the best we can manage is clean teeth?

Why can we be a state like Washington? Most organic apples (which sound delicious) and most invasive snails.

Snails. A hell of a lot better than pancreatic cancer. Easily squished.

Or how about Colorado? Lowest obesity rates and most avalanche deaths.  Presumably the fat people are the ones who cannot outrun the avalanches, thus keeping their numbers low.

Or Hawaii? Least smog and most endangered species. If a species of animal is going to cease existing, it’s at least nice to be able to take one final, smog-free look at them. Right?

But at least we’re not Tennessee.

They have the most caves and also the most sewer runoff.

If you’re wondering which of the two is supposed to be a positive, it’s the most caves.

I know. I’m not sure why this is a positive either.

A cave-filled, sewage-filled state.

A hell of a lot worse than clean teeth and pancreatic cancer.