Fresh Voices 2010

I’ve spent the last two days in Chester, Vermont, at Misty Valley Books Fresh Voices 2010, a remarkable weekend-long event that showcases new authors to the community. Lynne and Bill Reed, owners of the bookstore, have run this event for years and have done an amazing job bringing authors and the public together for a weekend of food, drink, conversation and fun.

It was also the first time that Elysha and I left our daughter overnight, but we’ve been receiving photos from her grandparents all weekend long and she is doing remarkably well.

  

Too well, in fact. It would seem that we were not the center of her universe after all. I find myself both pleased and a little angry by her lack of crying all weekend.

Doesn’t she know what she’s missing?

It’s now 5:30 AM on Sunday morning and I find myself in the lobby of the hotel adjacent to the bookstore, sitting at a small table, pecking away at my keyboard while everyone else still sleeps. In a few hours Elysha and I will leave Chester to pick up our daughter, and while I can’t wait to see Clara, it’s a little sad that such an enjoyable weekend is coming to an end.

Some of the highlights included:

On Saturday morning, in temperatures near zero, we spent a couple hours cross country skiing at Grafton Ponds. It was the first time that any of us had been on cross country skis, so our instructor, Betsy, spent the entire time with us, teaching the finer points of the sport. I am happy to report that I didn’t fall once, though I was clearly the worst skier of the bunch, no matter what Heidi Durrow might tell you. I couldn’t strap on my skis without assistance, I heard my name shouted more than any other and I was asked at one point if I “often have a hard time with athletic activities.”

Still, I’ll do it again, hopefully when it’s a little warmer.

I thought it was a little odd for Bill and Lynne to send four authors out for a cross country ski lesson together, wondering how it fit into such airy and lofty topics as literature and writing and publishing.  But I soon realized the method behind their madness. By strapping long sticks onto four nervous authors’ feet and sending them out sliding across snow and ice together, we bonded in a way that could have never happened had we hung around the hotel all day, waiting for our opportunity to speak. Thrust a handful of strangers into a new situation and they must immediately rely upon one another for support, humor, comfort and survival.  This is exactly what happened.  We arrived at Grafton Ponds that morning as five authors who knew a little bit about one another but left with burgeoning friendships. 

We’ve also had the opportunity to spend time with the Chester community, first at dinner on Friday night in the home of Lynne and Bill, then at Grafton Ponds, where the public was invited to join us, and later at a reception following our readings and dinner on Saturday night. It’s an engaging and welcoming community that opened their doors to us and made us feel right at home. 

But the highlight of the weekend was getting to know the four other authors who I was fortunate enough to join on this adventure. Each is a gifted writer and an impressive human being.  On Saturday afternoon we made our way to the Stone Church to speak to a packed house. It was terrific.  Each presentation was remarkably unique and interesting and thoroughly captivated me, and this is saying something.  I find many authors to be dry, dusty, and terrified when they stand before a large audience, but not these four.

Deborah Copaken Kogan, a no-nonsense writer, photographer, and former war correspondent, talked about the journalistic approach that she took to her first novel, which is based upon the murder of her childhood friend.  From all accounts, it’s a beautifully written and haunting novel that I am both anxious and afraid to read, given my new-father status and my newfound sensitivity to stories like this.

Elena Gorokhova, a Russian immigrant who studied English while at the University of Leningrad, discussed her memoir about life in the Soviet Union before Perestroika with humor and insight that could only come from someone living there at the time.  My wife has already decided to choose her book for our next book club selection.    

Heidi Durrow, winner of the Bellwether Prize in Fiction and doing the first reading of her career (her book officially comes out next month), spoke with remarkable skill and flair, convincing me that she should have been the one to record the audio book version of her novel.  While I’m looking forward to reading her book, I wish that she would read it to me.  She was that good. 

Jim Landis, a gifted writer and thinker, spoke in a way that left you laughing, thinking, and pondering the nature of man and religion, all while remaining highly entertained.  Not an easy task.  His book reportedly has a surprise ending, but the beginning section that he read to us was enough to hook me.  I started his book tonight.   

I am honored to think of each one of these authors as my peers, colleagues and friends, and plans are already in the works to return to New Voices 2011 next year, so that we can sit in the pews at the Stone Church and listen to another batch of Bill and Lynne’s new authors share their stories with us.

Betsy even promised to give Clara her first skiing lesson, too.

If you’re interested in these author’s books (and you really should be), they are:

Jim Landis: THE LAST DAY

Heidi Durrow: THE GIRL WHO FELL FROM THE SKY

Deborah Copaken Kogan: BETWEEN HERE AND APRIL, as well as her bestselling memoir SHUTTERBABE and HELL IS OTHER PARENTS

Elena Gorokhova: A MOUNTAIN OF CRUMBS

And please allow me to add Denise Landis (Jim’s wife) and her cookbook, DINNER FOR EIGHT to the list. 

And if you find yourself in Chester, Vermont in need of a book or a warm place to browse, be sure to stop by Misty Valley Books.  In addition to a fine selection of books, Bill and Lynne also give French lessons and sell magic carpets, children’s puzzles (we bought one for Clara that I cannot reassemble), local art, and calendars of every shape and size.

Be sure to ask Bill to see his Mr. November photo from this year’s calendar.  You’ll be glad you did.

Revelation

I just realized that my cat meows with question marks. 

Meow?  Meow?

Every time it’s a question.  No wonder I find it so annoying.

On our way to Misty Valley Books!

This weekend, my wife and I will be traveling to Chester, Vermont, leaving our one-year-old daughter behind for the first time.  I am appearing with five other first-time novelists at a two-day event known as New Voices, sponsored by Misty Valley Books. 

Clara will be staying with her grandparents for the weekend.  While Elysha and I are thrilled to have the opportunity to participate in this extraordinary event, we’re also dreading the prospect of leaving our little one behind.  Oddly enough, we’re not worried about her safety or happiness.  She adores her grandparents and we know that she will be well cared for.  We’re worried that we’ll miss her to death and find ourselves moaning in bed at night, wracked by unbearable waves of Clara withdrawal.

Hopefully we’ll make it through the weekend without too much suffering.    

The event is open to the public free of charge and will begin at 2 PM in the First Universalist Church in Chester’s Stone Village. A reception organized by members of the church and a book signing will follow the session in the church’s basement.

The public is also invited to snowshoe or cross-country ski with the authors on Saturday morning at Grafton Ponds in Grafton and have lunch with them around the fire in the lodge there.

Following the afternoon sessions, the public can also dine with the authors at the Fullerton Inn, on the Green next to Misty Valley Books.

I’ve spent the evening reading about the other authors involved in the program, and I can’t wait to meet them  and pick their brains.  All seem utterly fascinating and quite accomplished.  I’m feeling very fortunate to have been invited.     

More information, including a list of authors and details about the events, can be found here.

What I have to say

Toby Lichtig writes in The Guardian about how all writers repeat themselves.  That is, they seem to return to the same themes again and again.   

When I wrote SOMETHING MISSING, I had no idea what I was doing.  No idea what I was trying to communicate other than Martin’s story.  I just allowed the character to show me the way, and low and behold, I had a novel. 

My second book proceeded along these same lines, and my third is proceeding similarly:  Find the character and the rest will come. 

But along the way, I have uncovered some of the themes that seem to interest me.  Oddly enough, there was no conscious decision made when identifying or choosing themes.  I had no grand vision of the ideas that I wished to express.  I write like a spelunker in a cave without a headlamp or a lantern.  I’m just chipping away at the rock and hoping to find something.  So these are just the themes that have unconsciously emerged from my work. 

I seem to be obsessed with the secret lives that people lead.  Each of my protagonists possesses a profound secret that they strive to keep hidden at all costs, and its upon these secrets, and their potential revelations, that the plots of my books hinge. 

I also seem drawn to abnormality.  None of my protagonists are conventional human beings in any sense of the word.  Each possesses oddities, quirks and degrees of non-conformity that make their lives challenging and unique.  I couldn’t imagine writing a book about someone relatively normal. 

Lastly, I appear to be drawn to characters who have become disconnected with society.  They are lonely people: isolated, unrecognized and ignored by the world around them. Each is seeking acceptance, appreciation and love.

Why have I been drawn to these themes?  I wish I know.  But they seem to be working for me. 

Will I continue to make them focal points of my novels?  The Guardians’ Toby Lichtig seems to suggest that I will.  I do not know.  I will simply continue to listen to my characters and allow the stories to take whatever direction they so choose. 

What’s an author to do?

I was in the gym last week, running nowhere on a treadmill when I noticed that the woman beside me was reading SOMETHING MISSING. 

I was thrilled.  One of my first discoveries of my book “in the wild.” 

But just as quickly as the adrenaline shot through my body,  I was stuck. 

What to do?

As a reader, if the author of a book that I was reading was standing beside me, I think I’d want to know and would hope that he or she would speak up.

But as an author, it’s not so easy to look across exercise equipment at a complete stranger and say, “Guess what?  I wrote that book.”

Is there any way to let a reader know that you are present without sounding like a stalker or a loser?

Who thought this was a good idea?

Can anyone explain to me why this graphic was chosen for McDonald's apple and cherry pie box?

How to save the independent bookstore: Part 1

Since publishing my first book last year, I have had the pleasure of getting to know many independent booksellers, and my appreciation and respect for the independent bookstore has only grown.  These stores are owned and staffed by people who love books and are willing to spend great portions of their lives reading, ordering, stocking shelves, hand-selling their favorite titles, and talking about the books and authors they love most, all while not getting rich.

But these are troubled times for the independent bookstore, as retailers like Amazon and Barnes and Nobles slash into their profits with discount prices and enormous inventories.  Over the past ten years, indie bookstores have gone out of business at a frightening rate.  At this point, those that continue to prosper only do so because of a loyal customer base, a sound business plan, and an attachment to these stores that Tyler Cowen of Slate refers to, at least in part, as “affectation—a self-conscious desire to belong a particular community.”

So what is to be done in order for the indie bookstore is to survive?  Over the last six months, I have thought long and hard about this subject, and I would now like to humbly propose my plan for the survival of the independent bookstore.  While I originally thought that this would be written as a single blog post, I now see that this will need to be a series of posts that I will publish over the next several days. 

All of my suggestions center upon one belief:  Independent bookstores must reach out to the community at levels never before seen.  Unable to compete with the inventory of Barnes and Noble, the convenience of Amazon or the prices at either retailer, indies must give people a reason to return to their stores again and again.  This is essential.  While community members often profess respect and adoration for their local, independent bookstore, they are simply not returning to these stores enough to allow them to survive. This is characterized best in the 1998 film You’ve Got Mail, in which the delightful Shop Around the Corner is put out of business by a big box store run by Tom Hanks’ character.  Despite the love that the community feels for Meg Ryan’s little store and the community protest over the invasion of the big box outlet, Tom Hanks ultimately wins, putting The Shop Around the Corner out of business and still turning out to be the nice guy.  The former owner of the indie bookstore turns her attention to writing and ends up with the guy who put her out of business.

Think about it.  The ruination end of The Shop Around the Corner is almost romanticized.  Its loss is seen as natural and inevitable, and the audience essentially leaves the movie theater in agreement.

The survival of the indie bookstore is an uphill battle to say the least. 

Creating a destination rather than simply a bookstore is the answer to these problems.  Our page-turning, book-obsessed independent store owners must become more than just book experts.  They must become revolutionaries of industry, transforming their stores into the cultural, academic and intellectual hubs of their communities.  Independent bookstores must become the gathering places of those who seek the light.      

Here is how it could be done:

First and foremost, they must begin selling coffee, juices and pastries, even if this means that they must sacrifice significant shelf space in order to do so.  The independent bookstore will never be able to compete with the big box stores or online outlets on inventory, so they must stop trying.  Give up the space.  Rather, they must do a better job at soliciting the business of the browser rather than the targeted buyer.  If a friend recommends a book to me and I want to begin reading the book relatively soon, I am likely to purchase the book at the most convenient location possible.  While this could be an indie store, it’s just as likely going to be a big box store.  I will make my purchase at the store I drive by first.  In these cases, proximity wins.  Indie bookstores must make their stores browsing destinations, places where customers can spend an hour or more on a Sunday afternoon, sifting through shelves, asking staff members for recommendations, and enjoying the company of a spouse or friend.  For these purposes, food and drink are a MUST.  If my wife and I want to spend an afternoon browsing a bookstore, we are always going to choose a place where we can sit down and have a coffee or a soda, so if the bookstore cannot offer me these simple amenities, I am likely to take my browsing elsewhere.  It need not be much.  Good coffee, bottled water, soda and juices, a small selection of bite-sized morsels, and a handful of small tables and chairs are all that is required.  Unfortunately, I have shopped at too many indie stores that do not offer these simple amenities, and many of them had plenty of space to do so.  In fact, one of my local indie bookstores does not even allow food or drink inside their store.  This makes no sense to me, and it has kept me out of their store on numerous occasions. 

Next, indie stores must offer free Wi-Fi.  It costs almost nothing to provide this service and will give people another reason to visit the store.  More importantly, it promotes a forward-thinking, tech-friendly, intellectual atmosphere.  McDonald’s recently began serving free Wi-Fi to its customers and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  Have I used their service yet?  No.  But I’ve used Panera’s free service many, many times and I now find myself thinking of McDonald’s in the same favorable light.  Borders understand this and has begun doing the same.  Indies must follow suit.                 

Okay, so now that you’re serving drinks and the Internet to your customers, how are you going to get them into the store.  This is where community outreach on a grand scale begins.

First, reach out to the local school systems.  One of my best friends is a kindergarten teacher, and he has established a unique partnership with a local bookstore.  His students write, illustrate and bind books in class, and then the bookstore hosts an evening in which these student-authored books are placed on a designated shelf and “sold” to family and friends.  For the students, they have the opportunity to see their book on sale in an actual bookstore and are able to experience the joy that comes with their first sale.   It’s a powerful literary experience for these five-year olds, and I can just imagine the pride that their parents must feel in watching their little ones become writers.  For the bookstore, it means that their store is flooded with potential customers on an evening when business would normally be slow, and the goodwill and loyalty that this program must create with the children and their parents is immeasurable.  It’s a simple and perfect way for a bookstore to connect with an enormous base of potential customers, yet since my friend has begun this partnership, the bookstore has done nothing to foster similar partnerships with the other thirteen elementary schools in town.  It remains a one-teacher, one-classroom program for reasons I can’t begin to comprehend.  `

And outreach to the schools need not be limited to kindergarten.  Indie bookstores could also reach out to high school teachers, collaborating on the books that students will be studying in the coming semester.  While the school system provides these books to students, indies could also make these titles available at a discount price in the event students want to own the book in order to take notes in the margins.  Indies could also organize study groups for these students, setting aside a space and time for them to meet.  Indies could even tap into their knowledgeable staff in order to provide academic support and guidance at these study sessions. 

Even better, independent bookstore owners could foster partnerships between local authors and high school teachers to create unique opportunities for students to read a book by a local author and then meet and interact with him or her.  Serving as the coordinating arm of the program, an indie bookstore could recommend books written by local authors to high school teachers, who could then in turn purchase those books and teach them in class.  The bookstore could then set up an appearance by the local author in their store, timed to coincide with the completion of the book in class.  It’s a win-win-win for all involved.  The indie bookstore has the opportunity to sell books in bulk to the local high school and adds a well-attended event to their calendar.  The author enjoys an immediate bump in sales and has his or her book added to a high school syllabus, increasing the possibility of it being used at other schools and thus guaranteeing future sales.  And the teachers and students benefit from the unique opportunity to read a book and then meet the author about whom they have spent so much time studying.  I am currently engaged in a partnership similar to this, but rather than being organized by a local store, it was put together by the town’s library.  In March, I will spend two weeks teaching writing to a group of high school students at the local high school.  At the end of the two weeks, the program will culminate with my appearance at the local library, where in addition to speaking about my own book, I will give a couple of my writing students the opportunity to read something that they have written. 

Am  I happy to be appearing at the library?  Of course. 

But if the event were taking place at a bookstore, I’d be just as pleased with the opportunity to sell books to the people who will be attending.  This program was set up by a high school teacher who coordinated with the town librarian, but why couldn’t it have been done by my indie bookstore instead? 

These are just a few simple ideas that would increase the sales, visibility, foot traffic, customer loyalty and the overall impact of the independent bookstore on the community. They are relatively easy and inexpensive to implement and would result in immediate and long-term benefits to the store. Ignoring these suggestions is like leaving money on the table.

Later in the week, I’ll post part two of what will probably be a three-part series, in which I’ll move beyond school outreach into other segments of the community with just as much potential in terms of sales, marketing and profitability.

You just can’t throw away a man’s crock pot. Can you?

WIFE:  Anyone local want a perfectly good but sort of old school crock pot? It works totally fine but was given to my husband by someone I really don't like and I can't enjoy a meal made in that thing.

ME:  My wife has systematically eliminated everything that I originally contributed to our household. The crock pot, which I didn't mind even though I can't stand the person either, was one of the last hold-outs. The last vestige of my bachelorhood. I think the only thing left is a paper towel holder. I'm clinging to it with all my might.

ME AGAIN: And you know, it's not cool just offering my crock pot to your Facebook friends. Shouldn't I have some say in it's future since it's MINE.

WIFE:  Actually, he did use it a few times this past year to make beef stew... Still, I feel no remorse about giving away his stupid crock pot.

MY GOOD FRIEND, OFFERING SAGE ADVICE:  Maybe you should offer something of yours up to throw away as a peace offering.

WIFE:  Um. No.

Later that night, my wife told me that I could choose the shelter where the crock pot would be sent, but that would be the extent of my part in the decision making process.

Apologies for being so nice

I recently posted about my wife’s many amazing qualities on the blog that I write to our daughter. I did not do so because I was currying favor. I simply wanted our daughter to know what a remarkable her mother is.

This evening, my wife chose to distort the fabric of time, thus plunging me into the Twilight Zone by attempting to refute the many laudable remarks that I made about her..

Get it? I write about my wife’s greatness, and she decides to take the opportunity to debate the subject with me.

It began with her refuting the claim that she knows the last names of ESPN Radio hosts Mike and Mike, even though she told me their names a week ago when I relayed a story to her from the show. I told her that Lou Holtz, former Notre Dame football coach, had once told Mike that the most important thing he could do for his children is ensure that they know how much he loves his wife. I thought this was fine advice (thus the post). After telling her this story, she said, “Oh. Was that Mike Greenburg or Mike Golic?”

I couldn’t have been more impressed.

Naturally, she does not remember this conversation. As I stated in a previous post, my wife often suffers from selective memory loss.

She then attempted to refute my claim that she knows at least half the starting lineup for the New York Yankees. After getting her to admit that she could name Jeter, Rodriguez and Damon without much trouble, I said, “You probably know the catcher. Posada?”

“Oh yeah. Jorge Posada. Oh, and I know Teixeira, too, because the announcer likes to say that he just texted a homerun.

“So you know Teixeira, who’s been on the team for one season, and you even know John Sterling’s homerun call for him, and you deny knowing half the starting lineup?”

We also ascertained that she was also able to name our closing pitcher and one or two starting pitchers.

Only I could find a woman to marry who will attempt to fight me when complimenting her.

Siblings or Dating?

I received a decanter at a recent Yankee swap.  Apparently it is used to keep water at the one’s bedside.  Everyone at the party over fifty years of age identified it immediately. 

No one under fifty had a clue what it was.

For a while, I had my hands on the gift that I had brought to the swap, which was the most sought over gift.  Naturally.  It was Operation, the iconic board game that turns players into would-be surgeons, “Now with silly sound FX!”

Attached to the box was a coupon for a free Dominos pizza.  Not my doing.  It was already attached to the game, keeping me under the $10 limit. 

A pizza AND a game, all for under ten bucks?  Clearly the best gift, though my wife’s snowball chucker gave it a run for its money.

Anyway, I eventually lost Operation and got stuck with this admittedly re-gifted decanter.  My initial instinct was to throw it away, but I eventually found a use for it.

I’m going to create a blog that highlights one hundred uses for this decanter.  This will require me to come up with one hundred different uses for the damn thing, but as I do, I will take photos of each use, describe it briefly, and post it on the web. It could just end up as a pet project for me, a minor amusement, but sometimes these kinds of quirky blogs really take off. 

One of my recent favorites when it comes to these kind of blogs is Siblings or Dating, a site that posts often-strange photos of men and women and prompts you to guess if the couple are siblings or dating.  The concept is amusing enough, but some of the photos, like this one, are priceless.  

 

I’ll let you know when the blog is up and running.

Getting through the day

A former student directed me to this amusing cartoon which could be seen as encouragement or discouragement depending upon your point of view.

Right?

Waiting on Hollywood

It’s that time of night that film and television news occasionally trickles in. 

Both SOMETHING MISSING and UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO have been optioned to film and television producers, and since they are working on the West Coast, I tend to hear from them around 7 PM Eastern Standard Time.

Lately, the news has been good, and this evening was no exception.  Big-named movie directors are bandied about in terms of UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO, and a serious, no-nonsense television producer is hard at work on SOMETHING MISSING, trying to convince someone that it would make a great television series. 

It can be quite exciting.    

But I’ve learned over the past year to never get your hopes up in terms of film and television.  Everyone from Oprah’s production company to Johnny Depp’s “people” have considered the projects and passed, so despite the enormity of the names, I’ve learned to just sit back and continue writing my books. 

If something happens, it happens.  I’m an author who might get lucky enough to have a movie or television series based upon my stories someday,  but at my heart, I write books for people to read. 

This is my focus.

The remarkable part of the whole process is that I never anticipated anything like this happening when I first started writing.  Truthfully, I never even expected SOMETHING MISSING to be published.  I thought I’d end up with a book to pass onto my kids someday, as evidence that their dear old dad actually existed in a younger form and had half-a-brain. 

Everything since I finished the book has been gravy. 

But in the last two years, I’ve found myself on the phone and exchanging email from time to time with powerful and influential people in Hollywood.  Producers, directors, writers, and agents who want to pick my brain, pitch their idea and pay me for the rights to shop my book around.  I often hang up the phone after one of these calls and pinch myself, wondering if all this could still be real.

Hopefully one day it will be.

Getting the word out

It’s been a good week in terms of getting my name out.  An article that was written about me by Janet Cyr, a college student, has now run in three different Connecticut papers, including the Journal Inquirer and the West Hartford News, a hometown paper of sorts for me.

She’s really making the most of her assignment, both for her and for me.    

Sadly, neither paper provides links to the article.

Yesterday the blog Coffee with a Canine, written by Marshal Zeringue, featured a post about me and my dog, Kaleigh. 

Marshal was kind enough to offer me the opportunity even though I’ve never had a cup of coffee in my life.  Coffee cake, he told me, would suffice.

Dagger in the heart

On the day that I sent the manuscript for UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO off to my editor for the last time, proofread and edited, praying that it’s ready, Audible sends me this email:

Matthew,

It has been said that every writer has only one good book in them, and it's usually their first. Literature is filled with spectacular first acts and lukewarm follow-ups.

Fortunately, this is not always the case. Audrey Niffenegger, Khaled Hosseini, Jeannette Walls, and Greg Mortenson—to name just a few—have dazzled listeners at least twice, their second books fulfilling the promise of their impressive debuts.

Come with us as we introduce you to these talented authors and their works that turned the sophomore slump into stellar success!

__________________________

Sophomore slump?

Every writer has only one good book in them?

It’s usually their first?

No one warned me about any sophomore slump, and I certainly didn’t need to hear about it on the day that my manuscript gets dropped in the mail.  This email may seem benign and even mildly interesting  for most of its customers, but I have a book available on Audible.com. 

My first book.

Perhaps my only good one.  

You’d think that the good folks at Audible would have the decency to filter out first-time authors from an email like this. 

Talk about ruining my day. 

Death of the American newspaper

Is there a person alive who doesn’t lament the possible death of the American newspaper?

If so, then why is the American newspaper dying?

If we are all so concerned with the loss of the hometown newspaper, why aren’t people actually purchasing the newspaper?  This reminds me of our shabby treatment of the independent bookstore.

Universally revered and essentially ignored by the masses.

Jason Kottke points to a Harper’s Magazine article Final Edition: The Twilight of the American Newspaper and quotes the following text.  It’s worth reading:

We will end up with one and a half cities in America -- Washington, D.C., and American Idol. We will all live in Washington, D.C., where the conversation is a droning, never advancing, debate between "conservatives" and "liberals." We will not read about newlyweds. We will not read about the death of salesmen. We will not read about prize Holsteins or new novels. We are a nation dismantling the structures of intellectual property and all critical apparatus. We are without professional book reviewers and art critics and essays about what it might mean that our local newspaper has died. We are a nation of Amazon reader responses (Moby Dick is "not a really good piece of fiction" -- Feb. 14, 2009, by Donald J. Bingle, Saint Charles, Ill. -- two stars out of five). We are without obituaries, but the famous will achieve immortality by a Wikipedia entry.

What gives, ladies?

Nicholas Kristof recently wrote an Op-Ed in the NY Times about women and religion, illustrating the oppressive nature that religion continues to exert upon women, excluding them from hierarchies and rituals and failing to denounce blatantly sexist and oppressive practices and passages in their primary source documents.

In fact, one could effectively argue that religion has been more universally damaging to women’s rights than any other institution. 

Jimmy Carter, working with religious leaders on the issue of women’s rights, recently said:

“Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths, creating an environment in which violations against women are justified.  The belief that women are inferior human beings in the eyes of God gives excuses to the brutal husband who beats his wife, the soldier who rapes a woman, the employer who has a lower pay scale for women employees, or parents who decide to abort a female embryo.”

It’s hard for me to argue with Kristof or Carter.  From the barring of women from the priesthood to the segregation of men and women in conservative temples, I have seen this forced inequality with my own eyes.  And while I could easily cite a hundred passages from the Bible, Torah or Koran that call for the subjugation, physical abuse and and murder of women at the hands of men, I won’t list any of them here.  The passages are easy enough to find, and I suspect that you are aware of them already, considering their plentitude.  

As a result, I find it odd and inexplicable that most of my male friends who attend church or temple regularly are encouraged, coerced or forced to do so by their wives, despite the historically oppressive force that these institutions have been.

Even the most liberally-minded religious institutions continue to teach from and adhere to texts with clearly promote the oppression and degradation of women.

So I ask: What gives, ladies? 

Why would so many of you so hell-bent on dragging your husbands and children to institutions that have been so destructive to womankind over the years? 

And by all my friends’ accounts, you do so without so much as a peep of protest over the patriarchal doctrine, rituals, or texts that are so clearly oppressive to you and your daughters.

Explain.  Please.

Why use Twitter?

In the future, when I am asked why I use Twitter, I will reference this article by Howard Rheingold.

I’ll then add that I have made friends (some of whom I have subsequently met in real life), garnered readers, communicated with fans, established strong contacts in the bookselling and publishing industry, and received a good deal of my daily news through Twitter.

And I’ve laughed a lot.  Sarah Silverman, Jordan Rueben, Neil Patrick Harris and Justin, the guy who posts the things his 74-year-old father says, are hilarious.

A few nuggets from his dad: 

• Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
• We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts."
• I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.
• I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away.
• Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.

Good stuff.

If more Republicans were like this… Yikes.

On the day that the Democrats lost a Senate seat once held for forty years by Ted Kennedy, I thought it was worth mentioning that although I tend to lean left on most things, not all conservatives subscribe to the intolerance of the right wing of the Republican Party.

If conservatives like Theodore Olson, the Solicitor General under George Bush and frequently mentioned by Republicans and Democrats as a possible Supreme Court nominee were running the Republican Party, as opposed to the fringe lunatics who are currently steering the ship, the Democrats would be doomed. 

His Conservative Case for Gay Marriage in Newsweek is exactly the kind of message that Republicans should be sending.  From the piece:

“The explanation mentioned most often (for rejecting gay marriage) is tradition. But simply because something has always been done a certain way does not mean that it must always remain that way. Otherwise we would still have segregated schools and debtors' prisons.”

“Even those whose religious convictions preclude endorsement of what they may perceive as an unacceptable "lifestyle" should recognize that disapproval should not warrant stigmatization and unequal treatment.”

“I understand, but reject, certain religious teachings that denounce homosexuality as morally wrong, illegitimate, or unnatural; and I take strong exception to those who argue that same-sex relationships should be discouraged by society and law. Science has taught us, even if history has not, that gays and lesbians do not choose to be homosexual any more than the rest of us choose to be heterosexual. To a very large extent, these characteristics are immutable, like being left-handed. And, while our Constitution guarantees the freedom to exercise our individual religious convictions, it equally prohibits us from forcing our beliefs on others. I do not believe that our society can ever live up to the promise of equality, and the fundamental rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, until we stop invidious discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.”

Instead of this reasoned, tolerant, and thoughtful position from a man who is willing to stand apart from the party leadership, the Republicans give us the three-headed monster of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin, complete with a seedy Dick Cheney underbelly.

I’m not happy that the Democrats lost yesterday’s election, and I can’t imagine how they managed to do so in a state like Massachusetts, but as long as the Republicans continue to put forth these seemingly cartoon characters as they voice of their party, even the fumbling, bumbling, politically deaf Democrats stand a chance.   

If I ruled the world…

If I were ruler of the world, I would immediately enact the following laws in order to improve the quality of life for all of mankind:

1. Drivers who pull alongside one another on the road in order to chat without leaving their cars (thus blocking the road for sane people like me) shall have their licenses revoked for a period of no less than 5 years. Get out of the damn car if you wish to speak to someone.

2. If a public building has two or more exterior doors, all such doors shall be accessible and open at all times. If a patron walks into a door expecting it to open and finds it locked, the business in question shall pay the patron a fee of $50,000. If said patron bashes his or her nose in the process (a feat I have accomplished several times), ownership of the business shall immediately be transferred to the bloody-nosed patron. Why install double doors if one of them is always locked?

3. Anyone wearing an article of clothing containing a brand name or any assemblage of words on the seat of his or her pants shall be required to remain seated for the rest of his or her natural life. This is the stupidest fashion trend ever.

4. Any parent who dresses or allows his or her child to dress in pants or shorts that contain a brand name or any assemblage of words on the seat of the child's pants shall immediately be removed from the home for psychiatric examination. Finding oneself staring at the butt of a twelve-year old in order to confirm that the word plastered across her butt is in fact “Juicy” is unnerving to say the least. What in God’s name are these parents thinking?

5. It is hereby forbidden to congratulate a friend on the purchase of a vehicle if that friend exceeds the age of eighteen.  When the purchase of an automobile becomes congratulatory-worthy, priorities must be re-examined immediately.   

6. When going to the gym, one must park in the spot furthest from the building since you’re going to the gym and the walk wouldn’t hurt.  No more middle-of-the-aisle, directional flashing, minivan lunatics (its always a minivan) waiting for that prime spot ten feet from the doors.  It’s the gym.  Walk a little bit.   

7. It is no longer permissible to refer to any article of clothing as “fun.” If you think a shirt is ugly, say it. Don’t try to replace “ugly” with words that make no sense.

I have many more rules to share, but this is a pretty good start. Study them well. I plan on being named ruler of the world someday soon.

Thick skin

In the last month, the following has been said to me by some of my closest friends:

This would be much easier to solve if I didn’t have to worry about you using your powers for evil and self interest.

You are potentially the most offensive person I know.

Your happiness is like balancing an equation.  For each unit of happiness you achieve, someone else suffers.

Your protagonist isn’t very likeable.  Maybe he’s too much like you.

I’m sorry, but you you usually make a terrible first impression and it takes a long time for people to like you.  If ever.

You, thinking of others? I don't believe it for a second.

I’m not saying that any of this isn’t true or that I’m offended in any way by the remarks that were made, but I’m always surprised at the ease by which people say these things without any concern for upsetting or offending me in the process.