My personal assault on the institution of coffee

I am constantly annoyed by the Facebook updates, Twitter posts and verbal declarations regarding the need for coffee, the desire for coffee and the importance of coffee in everyday life. It’s a beverage, people.

Only it’s not.

Somehow it’s also become a societal totem of a harried lifestyle. The prized moniker of both the inundated worker bee and the ambitious titan of industry. A demarcation of imposed diligence and prized productivity.

And at the same time, it’s also become an acceptable means of spending leisure time.

“Let’s get a cup of coffee” has become equivalent to “Let’s take a hike” or “Let’s go see a movie” or “Let’s go throw a Frisbee in the park.”

I find all of this utterly insane.

Nevertheless, I decided to take a step back from my hardened stance on the mysterious brew and be a little more reflective when is comes to my position. I wanted to determine why these constant coffee declarations bother me so much.

Why “This is definitely a two cup day!” and “Need. Coffee. Now.” makes me want to punch said coffee drinkers in the face.

I’ve come up with three possibilities:

• I don’t drink coffee, nor have I ever even tasted coffee, so I can’t possibly understand its impact on a coffee drinker’s everyday life.
• The need for coffee is so often expressed that it has become exceedingly repetitive, virtually meaningless and utterly cliché.
• The apparent physical need for coffee (or any other substance) is a human weakness that I detest and avoid at all costs.

All three possibilities may play a role, but I’m leaning toward #2.

I am, however, willing to listen to opposing viewpoints.