Creed is Creed

For fans of The Office (and if you’re not, what’s wrong with you?), I have recently become aware of some trivia that will blow you mind. Of course, it might not be so mind blowing if you already knew this.

Did you know that the character of Creed Bratton, the creepy, kleptomaniac director of quality assurance at Dunder Mifflin, is played by Creed Bratton, the actor and former member of The Grass Roots, a 1960’s rock band?

The guy has two Wikipedia entries. One for himself and one for his character. I don't even have one yet.

Even more shocking, the character of Creed Bratton is a fictionalized version of the actor and singer himself, with many of the character’s traits and eccentricities merely exaggerated from the real-life Creed Bratton.

Creed, my friends, is Creed.

And Creed’s former band, The Grass Roots, is not to be discounted. They are one of only nine bands to chart twenty-nine hits during their career, and between 1967 and 1972, they set a record for being on the Billboard charts for 307 straight weeks. They have one platinum and three gold records in their discography.

This is Creed, I tell you. Creed.

And how I discovered all this was just as bizarre. In a recent repeat of the episode "A Benihana Christmas," the members of the office were celebrating the holidays with karaoke. In one scene, Creed can be seen singing in the background. While I didn’t recognize the song that he was performing, I liked it and decided to find out the title and artist.

The song is Spinnin’ N Reelin’ by Creed Bratton.

That’s right. Creed was singing his own song.

Since discovering that Creed Bratton is Creed Bratton, I’ve also learned that this symmetry between actor and character has been highlighted in several scenes that never made it to television but have appeared in the deleted scenes section of The Office website (which I cannot recommend enough).

In a scene from the episode "Booze Cruise," Creed’s boss, Michael, borrows the guitar from a cruise ship's band and plays a painfully awful version of Smoke on the Water. Creed then takes the guitar from Michael and proceeds to surprise the rest of the passengers with his excellent playing. The scene then cuts to a confessional, where Bratton talks of his time with The Grass Roots, complete with pictures of the actual band and references to actual tours.

In another deleted scene from the episode "Product Recall," the fictional Scranton Times writer notices that Creed was a member of The Grass Roots.

It’s Easter eggs like these, that shows like The Office, Lost and How I Met Your Mother seem to specialize in, that networks and producers need to more of in order to retain dwindling audiences. Whenever a television show takes me to the Internet, and I am able to spend another thirty minutes of fun online, those writers and producers have won me over and made me a fan for life.

So long as they don’t break up Jim and Pam again.

Longing for happier days

Am I the only one who finds it tragic that the number of people in the world who can define the Malachi Crunch diminishes daily? Rocco and Count Mulachi. Pinky Tuscadero and the Pinkettes.

Please tell me that you remember.

This is a vital part of Americana that will be lost before long.

Feeling better about myself

In reference to the aged audience of CBS’s Survivor, a television critic on Bill Simmon’s podcast said, “The only people watching a show that runs as long as Survivor are old people.  Young people move onto new things.”

Bill Simmons concurred.

I do as well, because I only watched the first two seasons of Survivor and then quit.  And because agreeing makes me feel good about myself.

My happiness is at risk

Just another reason to avoid people who have little more than television to talk about.

Is television a window into the soul?

Recently I’ve been plagued by this question: Is it right to judge people by the television they watch?

Before you go telling me that it’s not right to judge people at all, please stop.  I don’t care how many times we’ve heard some lunatic shout “How dare you judge me!” or “What give you the right to judge my life?”

We all judge people everyday, on an almost minute-by-minute basis.

You look at the clothing that a person is wearing, the words that a person is using, and the people with whom the person affiliates. You gather this data, weigh it in your mind, and make assumptions about the person standing before you. These assumptions may not always be correct, but if you gather enough data, you can usually construct a reasonable assessment of an individual. You utilize information about their career choice, political affiliation, religious affiliation, martial status, educational background and  quality of work to further refine these judgments. You probably even make judgments based upon the newspaper the person reads and the car he or she drives.

Each of these factors provide a piece of the foundation for the overall opinion that you will ultimately form about a person.

I’m simply wondering about how much of a role television should play in this process. Perhaps a more appropriate question might be:

When forming an opinion about a person, how much weight should be placed upon a person’s choice of television programming and the overall amount of television that a person views?

I tend to think that it means a lot.

When I’ve asked this question to friends over the past week, a majority of them feel that it’s completely inappropriate to judge a person based upon television, and they quickly follow up this statement with an admission that they watch at least one show that they would not want to be used in judging them.

A guilty pleasure of sorts. One that they often refuse to even identify.

I try to explain that I am not a television snob by any means. Overall, I don’t watch much television. A lack of time and a lack of interest contribute to the infrequency of my television viewing, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t watch at all. My wife and I probably average an hour of television viewing a day, and even this seems like a lot sometimes. But I don’t really watch anything that I wouldn’t admit to watching. We tend to watch scripted dramas and half-hour comedies. We time-shift every show that we watch, so we can usually watch about 90 minutes of television in a 60 minute period, which also shortens the overall amount of television that we view on a daily basis.

Why anyone would watch live television (with the exception of sports) is beyond me.

And while we tend not to watch shows like American Idol or Survivor, I have watched them in the past and don’t see much wrong with them. I watched the first two seasons of each of these shows before growing bored and quitting on them, but reality shows of this nature, which exhibit human competition, seem perfectly reasonable to me. American Idol gives you the opportunity to listen to people sing. Survivor presents a game in which contestants attempt to survive the elements and one another in tests of skill, intelligence and endurance.

Neither show appeals to me any more, but I don’t see much wrong in watching either of them.

I will still occasionally watch reality programs like this. For example, despite my aversion to the fashion industry, I watch Project Runway, not for the pretty clothes or Heidi Klum, but for the opportunity to watch people compete on a purely creative level. Make a dress out of hardware supplies in one day? This is the kind of creativity-demanding challenge that I want to see.

The shows that I don’t understand are those that strictly depict the lives of other people, oftentimes to horrific and bizarre results. These Real Housewives shows, The Jersey Shore, the Cardashian girls show, and all the programming that takes washed-up celebrities and tries to fix them up with trollops or put them through rehab fall into a category of raw sewage that makes me want to wretch. I can’t imagine why someone would want to watch despicable and irrelevant people do despicable and irrelevant things, and so when I hear that someone watches a preponderance of these shows, I start to wonder if this is someone who I would want to spend a significant amount of time with in the future.

I’ve been told that after a busy and stress-filled day, some people like to come watch and relax to some mindless television viewing. I understand this, but what I don’t understand is the desire to watch The Jersey Shore or the Real Housewives over a scripted drama, a well-written comedy, or an interesting documentary. I fail to understand why a television show depicting the lives of socialites like the Cardashians is more relaxing than a comedy like The Office or a drama like Mad Men.

In fact, I don’t think it is. I think this desire to “relax and not think” is an excuse to watch crap.

And the amount of television that a person watches should make a difference as well. Right? Isn’t it reasonable for me to assume that I may not have much in common with a person who watches 4-6 hours of television a day?  Take away work, sleeping, eating and daily chores that often only leaves about 4-6 hours of leisure time a day for many people. If a person is filling every minute of that time with TV, we may simply not be copacetic. One of my friend’s wives watches a lot of television of this nature, and so when we get together, she invariably begins every conversation with the topic of television. While she is a perfectly nice woman, she and I would clearly not be friends if she weren’t married to my friend.

And here’s the important flip-side of the argument:

If you have read this post and feel that television shows like Mad Men and The Office and Project Runway are incredibly stupid and have begun to think that a guy who spends his time watching these shows is probably not the kind of person with whom you would want to spend time, I’M FINE WITH THAT. I know that you are judging me, and you should. The decisions that we make with our leisure time tell a lot about a person, and I’ve come to believe that television plays a role in that process. It’s not the only factor, of course. A person's desire to watch The Bachelor does not preclude me from liking them, but it’s part of a bigger picture that think is perfectly reasonable to factor in when forming an opinion about a person.

Serendipitous case in point:

A woman began running on the treadmill adjacent to my elliptical machine yesterday. She turned her television to Around the Horn, an ESPN talk show, and placed a copy of Wired magazine on the rack in front of her.

While I’m not sure how she might do on my Friendship Application, I can’t help but think based upon the choices that she had made so far, she would do quite well.

The man to my left was watching Fox News. I assume that he would not do quite so well.

Is it wrong to make these assumptions? I don’t think so.

Old school television

When I was growing up, channel 56 in Boston ran a contest in between afternoon cartoons in which one lucky viewer could play an on-the-air video game over the phone for cash and prizes. Cross-hairs were broadcast on the screen overlaying a field of stars. Flying saucers would speed by the screen, and when in the cross-hairs, the player would shout “POW!” over the phone, causing a laser to fire. If timed properly, the flying saucer would be destroyed and the player would earn points.

In this low-tech video game, a human being was probably sitting in the studio, finger on the trigger of a joystick’s fire button, reacting to the player’s command to fire.

At the time, I thought it was the coolest thing ever invented, but looking back on it now, I can’t imagine how or why this captured my attention.

Eloise told me that her father watched a television show in his youth in which viewers were sent a clear, plastic film to overlay the television screen so that they could draw on the screen with markers based upon events happening onscreen.

To my year-old daughter, this will seem like the Old West.

Ancient and silly and nearly impossible.

It even does to me.

The View

I fail to understand how The View, which airs in the late morning when so many people are working, and which possesses such a narrowly-defined audience demographic of stay-at-home moms, ages 18-49 (72% of its audience at last check), manages to possess such a prominent position in this country’s zeitgeist. To put this in perspective, The View shares the same demographic as those who watch General Hospital.  Think about it.

Please don’t get me wrong. I have no issue with The View.  I can’t.  I’ve never watched it.  I simply cannot understand how the events on this daytime talk show manage to infiltrate its way into mainstream media on such a regular basis.

It’s on at 10:00 AM.

Who the hell is watching television at this hour?

Waiting on Hollywood

It’s that time of night that film and television news occasionally trickles in. 

Both SOMETHING MISSING and UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO have been optioned to film and television producers, and since they are working on the West Coast, I tend to hear from them around 7 PM Eastern Standard Time.

Lately, the news has been good, and this evening was no exception.  Big-named movie directors are bandied about in terms of UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO, and a serious, no-nonsense television producer is hard at work on SOMETHING MISSING, trying to convince someone that it would make a great television series. 

It can be quite exciting.    

But I’ve learned over the past year to never get your hopes up in terms of film and television.  Everyone from Oprah’s production company to Johnny Depp’s “people” have considered the projects and passed, so despite the enormity of the names, I’ve learned to just sit back and continue writing my books. 

If something happens, it happens.  I’m an author who might get lucky enough to have a movie or television series based upon my stories someday,  but at my heart, I write books for people to read. 

This is my focus.

The remarkable part of the whole process is that I never anticipated anything like this happening when I first started writing.  Truthfully, I never even expected SOMETHING MISSING to be published.  I thought I’d end up with a book to pass onto my kids someday, as evidence that their dear old dad actually existed in a younger form and had half-a-brain. 

Everything since I finished the book has been gravy. 

But in the last two years, I’ve found myself on the phone and exchanging email from time to time with powerful and influential people in Hollywood.  Producers, directors, writers, and agents who want to pick my brain, pitch their idea and pay me for the rights to shop my book around.  I often hang up the phone after one of these calls and pinch myself, wondering if all this could still be real.

Hopefully one day it will be.

Better ways of feeling good about yourself

Someone recently told me that watching television shows like The Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of Wherever makes people “feel better about themselves.” I suggested the same argument could also be used to defend slavery, public executions and the mandatory defrocking of the obese.

More importantly, I added that reading a book, listening to a favorite song or writing an old-fashioned letter to a loved one might also be an effective way of feeling good about oneself, and none of these options make you feel so sleazy as to require a shower afterward.

Star Trek stinks

Sometimes I encounter a freak who claims that Star Trek is better than Star Wars.  While there are many, many ways to refute this utterly ridiculous claim, I like to point to this video clip. It says it all.

Judging people based upon viewing choices

It might not be nice, but I often judge people by the television shows that they watch while exercising at the gym. Each machine is equipped with its own TV, and I find the programming choices that people make to be utterly fascinating. Not only are these people watching these programs, but they are also willing to let everyone in the gym know what they are watching. Under these circumstances, I would expect people to be more discerning about their choices, but from what I have seen, they are not.

Today I used an elliptical machine that was flanked by two identical machines on the left and one on the right. After a brief examination of the television screens attached to these machines, I felt like I had hit the trifecta in terms of programming choices.

Directly to my right, a woman was watching Whitney Houston’s appearance on Oprah. Whitney appeared to be in the midst of an emotional interview, and it was followed by a musical performance that had Oprah waving her arms in the air and singing along with the music in an expressive display normally reserved for a Baptist Church on Easter Sunday.

Why anyone would have any interest in Whitney Houston’s life, especially as told by Whitney herself, is beyond me. With almost one hundred channels available, was this really the best that this woman could do?

To my left, a man was tuned to Glenn Beck’s program. I know that Glenn Beck exists, and I’ve always assumed that someone must be watching his show (despite his loss of almost eighty advertisers), but I’ve also assumed that the only people watching him are lunatics, zealots, and idiots. Or more likely, all three. But the man exercising next to me looked completely normal and well adjusted.

Yet he was watching Glenn Beck.

Two machines over, another woman was watching what appeared to be a biopic of sorts on the Kardashians, a family who I was just tweeting about earlier this week. I become aware of their existence on Sunday thanks to some supermarket tabloid covers and was pleased to realize that I had no idea who these people are, much to the dismay of at least two co-workers.

When you limit your media intake to a bevy of carefully-chosen podcasts, the occasional newspaper, a handful of trusted blogs, The New York Times iPhone application, a limited number of television shows (all commercial-free thanks to TiVo), and televised sporting events, you miss things like the Kardashians, Balloon Boy, and the most recent machinations on Survivor.

And you’re the better for it. Balloon Boy’s balloon had been on the ground for two days before I even caught wind of the story.

I’m still not sure why these Kardashians are famous, or even how many Kardashians there are, but this woman was watching a show about their lives. An E True Hollywood Story, I think, or something like it. I couldn’t be sure. But presumably some true-life story.

Not knowing who these Kardashians are, this is the most difficult programming choice upon which to pass judgment, but I did anyway. I can only assume that the Kardashians offer little to society except for meaningless drama and inane controversy, so to spend an hour watching the story of their lives, whoever the hell they are, strikes me as foolish, wasteful, stupid or insane.

Yet this woman was willing to devote an hour of her life to this show and allow others to watch her watching it.

As for me, I was listening to an iTunes genius playlist based upon Dire Straits’ Walk of Life and watching a basketball game on ESPN 2. Judge me if you’d like, but as far as I can tell, I’ve got Whitney Houston, a bunch of Kardashians, and Glenn Beck beat by a mile.

I like to think that I subscribe to the philosophy of Ricky Roma, from the film Glengarry Glen Ross: 

“I subscribe to the law of contrary public opinion... If everyone thinks one thing, then I say, bet the other way...”

If everyone is fascinated by Glenn Beck, Whitney Houston and the Kardashians, they must all suck.

Saving the best

My wife and I own a TiVo.  There are two television shows that we do not delete in the event that we want to watch them again and again (which we have been known to do):

Once More with Feeling, the musical episode from the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Niagara, the episode from the television series The Office in which Jim and Pam are married. 

They are two of the best episodes of television ever produced.

Hoping for disaster. Again.

I plan on watching Oprah with my wife this evening, a talk-show that I never normally watch.  Elysha recorded Oprah’s interview with Sarah Palin, and I’ve been waiting to hear her speak about her new book, GOING ROGUE.

Just writing the title of the book makes me laugh.    

Admittedly, my desire to watch Sarah Palin speak in any capacity is akin to my desire to watch a NASCAR race:

I’m just waiting and hoping for the next spectacular crash and burn.

I can’t help it. I want another Katie Couric-Sarah Palin interview.  I want another impromptu, bizarre, nearly inarticulate resignation speech.  I want the hilarity of the Presidential campaign all over again. 

Those were good days.     

For those of you who did not catch the interview, here is an amusing account of the hour that she and Oprah spent together. 

Even if you did see the interview, it’s short and worth reading.

To each his own. Right? I hope?

Next Friday my wife and I will be watching the time-shifted finale of Project Runway with our friend, Kim, and her daughter.

Yes, it’s true.  Despite my loathing for the fashion industry, I find Project Runway to be fascinating.  The creativity required from the designers and the time limits imposed  upon them appeal to me a great deal, even if the final product is a gown or a pair of pants.

Meanwhile, Kim’s husband and their son will be at home, watching the latest episode of Cartoon Network’s Star Wars: Clone Wars.

I’m not sure which is more embarrassing to admit to watching:

Project Runway or Star Wars: Clone Wars?