Henry Blake and Michael Scott: Thankfully not as intertwined as I (and many others) had feared

As The Office’s Michael Scott leaves the show forever, he boards a plane for Colorado and his new life. The final image before the scene ends is of his plane rising into the air. And in that instant, I thought about Henry Blake’s fate on M*A*S*H and was suddenly terrified that the writers of The Office might have decided upon a similar fate for Michael Scott.

Henry Blake was the commanding officer of the M*A*S*H unit featured in the long-running sitcom, and in season 3, he finally received his discharge papers. But the plane returning him to the States is shot down over the Sea of Japan with no survivors, thus killing off a beloved character at what should have been a moment of joy for the viewers.

The news of Blake’s demise shocked the viewing audience.

In fact, the very next night on The Carol Burnett Show, the opening shot was of Henry Blake actor McLean Stevenson in a smoking raft, waving his arms, hollering, "I’m OK! I’m OK!"

Even though I had seen Blake’s demise in reruns, it still saddened me beyond description. The thought that the same might be happening to Michael Scott sent a shiver down my spine.

I mentioned this to my wife, but she had never seen M*A*S*H. And then I wondered if anyone watching Michael Scott’s last episode of The Office had experienced a similar feeling of dread upon watching that plane take off.

M*A*S*H ran from 1972-1983, making it too old for me to have appreciated during it’s original airing and too old in syndication for my wife. But I watched the show in reruns on channel 38 out of Providence and loved every minute of it.

I’ve often said that it was the only good thing that my evil stepfather ever gave me.

Sadly, I tried to watch some M*A*S*H reruns a few years ago and discovered that the show didn’t survive the test of time. In comparison to today’s television, M*A*S*H is melodramatic, preachy and morally unambiguous. It also contains a laugh track, which makes it sound overly earnest and dated.

But I still love those characters and the memory of the show.

So I tweeted my thoughts of Henry Blake last night at the conclusion of The Office. I wrote:

Terrified that we were going to have another Henry Blake moment as Michael Scott's plane took off. Anyone understand the reference? Anyone?

Within a minute I received responses from four or five people who had experienced the same feelings of dread, and by the morning, more than a dozen people had expressed similar feelings.

This is the greatest of the Internet. Twenty years ago I would have been alone in these thoughts, wondering if anyone else in America was thinking like me.

Not anymore.

Before writing this post, I was responding to readers in Nebraska, California and Manchester, England. All contacted me today through the unifying force of the Internet.

And in the midst of writing this post, I received an email from someone in Minnesota who loved Henry Blake and also thought that Michael Scott might suffer a similar fate.

Amazing times we live in. Huh?

Is the absence of women writers in late night comedy a result of sexism or simply female preference?

Jennifer Weiner recently called for the hosts of the various late night programs to address the absence of female writers on their staff.  While I am in favor of increasing opportunities for female writers, I have to wonder if their absence in late night comedy is the result of overt sexism or simply a lack of female interest in that specific brand of comedy.

If I were to enter any comedy club in America this evening, it is likely that I would be entertained by a majority of male comics, and in many cases, their lineup would be exclusively male.  Female comics are simply few and far between.

Is this the result of sexism at the night club level as well?

Perhaps. I’m not sure.

Or how about this:

Name the five greatest comedians of all time.

Did you include a female in the list?

While I admire the work of comics like Paula Poundstone and Sarah Silverman a great deal, I would not include them in my pantheon of funniest comics ever. I think the majority of Americans would agree.

Is this the result of sexism throughout the entertainment industry?

Perhaps. But I am not sure.

And then consider the hosts of late night comedy. All men with the exception of Chelsea Handler, who I also think is funny (at least in her books). Again, this might be the result of sexism throughout the industry, but is it also possible that women are simply less interested in pursuing late night comedy as a career?

Maybe.

And could this lack of interest in late night comedy be the result of overt sexism throughout the industry, eliminating the necessary role models that girls and young women might require?

Possibly.

Or perhaps women just don’t like the kind of comedy that late night television requires as much as men.

After all, there are many occupations that are dominated by women:

Elementary and middle school teachers. Pediatricians. Nurses. Office managers. Daytime talk show hosts. Hair stylists. Nearly every corner of the publishing world.

Are these fields dominated by women as a result of sexism or simply because of preference?

I’m not sure.

And while I realize that I do not know any of these late night hosts personally, I have a difficult time imagining men like Bill Maher, Jon Stewart or Conan O’Brien purposefully keeping women out of the writing room.  Perhaps all three are sexist jerks who have managed to project the image of forward-thinking, reasonable men, but my gut tells me that they are three decent guys who would be more than willing to hire more female writers if qualified candidates were available.

Do we need more female writers in late night comedy? Maybe.

Would late night comedy benefit by an increase in female writers? Probably.

But are there enough highly qualified female writers interested in late night comedy.

I am not sure. But I suspect that this is at least part of the problem.

In defense of revision

Two of my favorite television shows of all time, and two of my wife’s favorite television shows of all time, are remakes: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (a remake of a film) and Battlestar Galactica (the remake of a poorly-executed television show).

Perhaps television in general would be better if we gave its writers more opportunities for revision.

I know far too much about The Land of the Lost

I know far too much about the original 1970’s version of The Land of the Lost. even though I haven’t watched the show since I was a kid.

While visiting a children’s museum this weekend, I explained to a fellow Dad that the imitation crystal cave in which my daughter was playing was reminiscent of the pylons in The Land of the Lost.

“Pylons?”

“Yes,” I said. “Pylons. Remember? The position and color of the crystals controlled everything from the weather to the length of the day.”

He clearly didn’t remember. Like most people, the extent of his Land of the Lost knowledge included a few dinosaurs, a big earthquake and little more.

He could not immediately recall the Pakuni, the small, ape-like humanoids who befriended the Marshalls upon their arrival, or the Sleestak, the race of large-eyed reptilians who inhabited The Lost City and hunted Altrusian moths.

I’m willing to bet that he couldn’t have named any of the dinosaurs that inhabited the pocket universe (Grumpy, Spike, Dopey, Alice and Torchy).

I’m also quite certain that I was the only person in that museum, and perhaps for many, many miles, who could sing the show’s theme song with perfect accuracy.

And I have yet to meet anyone who knows that the character of Will Marshall was played by actor Wesley Eure, but that in the show’s opening sequence, Wesley Eure was simply listed as Wesley, a fact which I found both baffling and mysterious as a child, and still do.

My knowledge, for reasons that I fail to understand, is vast when it comes to The Land of the Lost.

Sadly, this expertise has proven to be relatively meaningless in my life thus far.

Thus far.

Two interesting tidbits I did not know about The Land of the Lost but just discovered after skimming the Wikipedia article to confirm the spelling of Wesley’s last name:

To support the show’s internal mythology, renown linguist Victoria Fromkin was commissioned to create a special language for the Pakuni, which she based on the sounds of West African speech and attempted to build into the show in a gradual way that would allow viewers to learn the language over the course of many episodes.

The Sleestak were supposed to number about 7,000, but there were only three Sleestak costumes available for the show's production, which sometimes required creative editing to create the illusion that they were that numerous.

It seems to me as if the allocation of resources for this show were slightly mismanaged.

For the record, my expertise on The Land of the Lost ends with the original series. I never saw Nickelodeon's remake of the show, and I watched about twelve minutes of the film adaptation before turning it off in disgust.

Curse you, Will Ferrell, for trying to turn a show I adored as a child into a weak attempt at campy humor and an endless sting of sight gags.

The Land of the Lost deserved better.

Who loves Elmo?

Actually, I kind of love Elmo. 

He is quite possibly the nicest creature I’ve ever seen.  His joy in infectious. 

It really is.

Clara loves him, too.  

CNN reads the Internet in poorly constructed segments

Watching CNN this morning while on the elliptical, the anchor announced that census data has revealed the most segregated cities in America. The fifth most segregated city is Cleveland, followed by Detroit and Chicago.

“Want to know if you live in one of the two most segregated cities in America. Stay tuned. The rest of the list is coming at the top of the hour.”

A second later, the station went to commercial.

Who does CNN think we are?

Do the producers really believe that a teaser like this will keep its viewers watching?

Annoyed with the attempt to keep me watching through commercials for detergents and cereal with their unsophisticated ploy, I switched over to ESPN. As I listened to analysts discuss their predictions for this year’s American League, I opened a browser on my iPhone and had the same list that CNN was reporting on moments ago.

The top two segregated cities in America: New York and Milwaukee.

It probably took about ten seconds to have the names of the cities, and this is while working out on an elliptical using a 3G connection.

And still annoyed at CNN for their teaser nonsense, I refused to flip back to the channel when ESPN went to commercial. Instead, I went to AMC to read the sound-effect subtitles on the John Wayne western El Dorado.

Western sound-effect subtitles are often hilarious.

Is this what CNN considers news? Anchors who read the Internet to its viewers?

No, it’s worse.

It’s anchors who read the Internet to its viewers in annoying chunks.

When subtitles are more compelling than the news, you know that the network is doing something terribly wrong.

Game show cruelty

In the Columbian version of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, the audience often answers incorrectly when the contestant uses the Ask the Audience lifeline. Just to be jerks.

My kind of people.

Sometimes you’re wrong, and sometimes you’re REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WRONG.

I’m an independent, but if I were a Republican, I’d demand a new news network immediately.

Fox is a constant embarrassment to conservatives everywhere.   

Improving Ice Road Truckers

Ice Road Truckers would have been a much better show if just one truck had crashed through the ice just once. Just one catastrophic accident and I would have been hooked.

Instead, all I got was lots of talk about the dangers of the ice and the hazards of the job, but not even one uneventful fender-bender.

All it amounted to was one great big tease.

I watched six episodes and was done.

It was like watching a NASCAR race without a single multi-car accident.

Or attending a hockey game and not seeing a fight.

Or watching John Boehner deliver speak in public without crying.

King Phillip was the best we could do?

My wife attended King Phillip Middle school as a child. There are two other schools in the United States that take their name from King Phillip. I continue to be astounded by the use of his name for any school.

King Philip Middle School was named after King Philip, which is the English mispronunciation-bastardization of the Wampanoag tribal chief Metacomet, who led a war against the Puritans from 1675-1676. Proportionate to the colonial and Native American populations at the time, it was one of the bloodiest and costliest wars in the history of North America. More than half of New England's ninety towns were assaulted by Native American warriors, and one-tenth of all Puritans were killed.

Yet for some reason, three schools in America have named themselves in honor of this Native American chief and have used the English version of his name rather than the guy’s actual name while doing so.

This seems stupid enough, but even more so considering there is little historical record in relation to King Philip. He led a Native American tribe, fought Puritan expansion, and died at the hands of another Native American while hiding out in the swamps of Rhode Island.

I guess he could have been a great man, but who knows?

Maybe he was lousy leader. Maybe he was a jerk.

After all, he only ascended to the role of chief after his brother died. It wasn’t like anyone elected the guy to office. The Wampanoag chose their leaders just like the English chose kings.

He also failed to handle the conflict diplomatically and was outmaneuvered by several other Native American tribes which forged alliances with the English in order to undermine Wampanoag power in the region.

Weren’t there more verifiably worthy Native Americans to consider when naming a middle school? Or at least Native Americans with actual Native American names?

And if you are going to use a guy you know little about, why not at least use his actual name instead of some foreign-tongue ruination?

The other two schools using King Phillip's name are in Massachusetts. It is a school district comprised of a middle and a high school which both bear King Philip’s name (as does the district itself).

This is the district’s logo, which may or may not be an accurate representation of the seventeenth century Native American chief.

I’m guessing not.

Television wasteland

Seventy-one percent of Americans say television is one of their favorite forms of media, even as they consume it more and more on devices other than traditional TV sets, according to Deloitte's fifth annual "State of the Media Democracy." I’m sort of shocked to hear this.

Elysha and I do not watch much television.

In fact, we watch very little television.

And almost all of the television that we do watch, save sports and NBC’s Thursday night lineup, is watched on DVD.

And we even watch the NBC Thursday night comedy 30 Rock on DVD.

As a result, there are evenings like the last two (both following snow days) when we actually want to watch television and have the time to watch television but have absolutely nothing to watch.

Normally, we’d pop in the DVD of our current show and watch a couple episodes.  Our postal carrier failed to show up today (so much for the rain, sleet and snow claims), and therefore we are still without our Netflix DVD of Glee, a show I am quickly souring on.

So we were stuck.

Last night we watched a thirty minute episode of the television version of This American Life (recorded on the DVR) and then waited two hours for the Celtics game to begin on the west coast.

Tonight we watched an HBO documentary on Vince Lombardi and then turned the television off at 9:00.

Normally I wouldn’t care so much, but after two days trapped inside the house thanks to snow, sleet and freezing rain, I would have really enjoyed watching something entertaining for a few hours tonight.

I found myself a little envious of those people who have their entire night planned out based upon the television shows airing on network TV.

Just for kicks, I took a look at tonight’s television lineup to determine if there was something decent that we could have watched had we planned ahead a little better.

My options included:

• Back-to-back episodes of a show called Minute to Win It.  I assume this is a game show and therefore not something we are interested in.
• American Idol, which was entertaining back in 2002 but quickly became un-watchable for us.
• Criminal Minds, which I assume is a police procedural.  I have watched enough police procedurals in my life and do not need to watch another.  Ditto for medical dramas.
• A show called Live to Dance, which I assume is a dance competition of sorts. Yeah, right.
• Back-to-back episodes of a sitcom called The Middle. Admittedly, I know nothing about this show and have never heard a single person speak of this show. But I’m pretty sure the Lombardi documentary was better.
• Human Target, a show that I happen to know was based (rather poorly) upon a comic of the same name. I read a review of this show sometime during the fall and found the concept ridiculous. Not interested.
• Modern Family, a sitcom that I have been told is very good by many different people (although every time I hear it described, it sounds like an update on All in the Family or Roseanne, two shows I never watched but know so much about that I feel like I watched them). If we were to watch it, we would probably watch it in its entirety on DVD.
• Cougar Town: Based upon promos that ran during the NFL season, I know that Courtney Cox is in this sitcom. I also know that it airs at 9:30, which is the slot where most sitcoms go to die. And everything I’ve heard about the show makes it sound stupid.

So that’s it. One possibility, unless of course I looked beyond the four major television networks, which I admittedly did not.

So what is good on television these days that I may be missing?

Check that:

What is good and new on television these days? No police procedurals. No reality shows. No hospital dramas. No game shows.

Elysha and I recently finished watching Breaking Bad, which we liked a lot because it was well written, well performed and most important, original.  Other favorites from the past have included The Sopranos, Battlestar Galactica, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Lost, and the great Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

All shows that were written well and were things that we had never seen before.

Okay, fine. I watched Battlestar Galactica as a kid, but this was nothing like the original version of the show.

I was hoping to feel the same about Glee, but the over-produced musical numbers (when some honest singing would be preferable) and contrived plotlines are starting to get to me.

Mad Men or Dexter will probably be next in the Netflix cue, but is there anything on network television today that fits my criteria?

Something that I could start watching today and be happy?

I am at a loss for words. I simply cannot believe what I have just seen.

I cannot believe what I just saw.

Did you watch the State of the Union speech on Tuesday?

Do you remember President Obama’s well received jokes regarding airport pat-downs and smoked salmon?

These jokes got laughs. The salmon joke got a lot of laughs.

Here is video of the salmon joke from the speech:

And here is Fox News’s redubbing of the speech, minus the laughs (and with the added sound of crickets where the laughs once were), all done in order to criticize the President’s jokes for falling flat. 

I honestly cannot believe what I just saw.

Did Fox News think that people who watched the speech wouldn’t remember the laughs that the President’s jokes got?

Was this deliberate alternation of the video worth the ten minutes of conversation that Fox and Friends had?

Did Fox News believe that this misrepresentation of the State of the Union address would damage President Obama’s chances for leading effectively and getting reelected?

Was it worth what little reputation they have left?

When are the adults going to return to broadcasting?

Big Love is too much love

After watching four seasons of HBO’s drama Big Love, one thing has become abundantly clear to me:

One wife is more than enough.

Besides, polygamy violates the tenets of a minimalist lifestyle.   

Not sure how to feel about this.

I felt utterly torn when I first watched this banned Super Bowl commercial that pits Jesus against President Obama.

My initial reaction:

I’m glad they banned this commercial from the Super Bowl. Ultra-conservative craziness has no place at a football game. Especially the biggest football game of the year.

But then I thought:

Actually, isn’t it anti-capitalistic to ban a commercial like this? Why not let the moron make a buck off his Jesus Hates Obama tee-shirts, as long as he is willing to pay the million dollar price tag for the ad?

Then I thought:

Can a tee-shirt company really afford a Super Bowl ad? Or is this just a clever publicity stunt by the tee shirt manufacturer?

Then I thought:

Obama’s favorable numbers are well over 50 now and still rising.  From a political perspective, a commercial like this might further galvanize his liberal base and may swing moderates in his direction by illustrating the lunacy of the far right wing. This commercial might actually help our President in ways that no one has anticipated.

Then I thought:

I feel bad for my Republican and religious friends. Ideas like the ones being espoused by this commercial cast my friends’ political parties and religious institutions in a bad light.

Then I thought:

It really is hard to be a Republican.

Then I thought:

Why do I even care if this commercial pits Jesus versus Obama? As an atheist, the Jesus versus Obama fight is nothing more than placing an enlightened  philosopher from 2,000 years ago in opposition to a modern day political leader. The idea is not blasphemous. It’s just silly and stupid. But it would be no different than pitting a Thomas Aquinas or a Aristotle bobble head doll against an Obama bobble head doll.

Then I thought:

Actually, whether or not Jesus was the Son of God or merely an enlightened man, I am fairly certain that he would not approve of the message in this commercial or emblazoned on the tee shirts. How many times have we seen so-called believers defend of their God in ways that their God would fervently condemn?

Then I thought:

I have to admit that the commercial is funny.

Then I thought:

Wow. Stupid people can be funny.

Then I thought:

No they can’t. A clever advertising agency took the stupid people's money and made the funny commercial for them.

Then I thought:

I should find a way of separating stupid people from their money.

Then I thought:

I should find a LEGAL way of separating stupid people from their money.

Then I thought:

Maybe the guy making these tee shirts is a smart guy who has found a way to separate stupid people from their money.

Then I thought:

I wish I had thought of this idea first.

Then I thought:

But I still kind of hate it.

See what I mean? Utterly torn.

iCarly trumps Robert Frost and Val Kilmer

I am reading Shakespeare’s Richard II to my students. On Friday we came across the phrase “rue the day” in the text. I was prepared to tell them all about Frost’s poem Dust of Snow:

The way a crow Shook down on me The dust of snow From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart A change of mood And saved some part Of a day I had rued.

I also planned on briefly reviewing the excellent “rue the day” reference from the 1985 film Real Genius.

But when I asked if anyone knew what the phrase “rue the day” might mean, almost every hand in the class went up.

Had they studied Frost in fourth grade?

Did they recently view a Val Kilmer film retrospective at the local college theater?

No. They had all learned the phrase from something called iCarly, which I initially thought was a video game. Apparently an episode of the program featured the phrase rather prominently.

I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Initial assessment of Glee

After two episodes…

The good:

• Quirky as hell
• Original  characters with actual character development
• A possible reference to HL Menken in the pilot
• Good music
• Genuinely funny

The bad:

• High school kids can be mean, but never this mean
• A smidgen of sap
• A formulaic plot but with blessedly non-formulaic characters

…and that might be it.

Overall a rousing success so far.  I love it.

More Oliver oddities

As an addendum to my earlier post on the Brady Bunch: Wikipedia reports that Cousin Oliver was added to The Brady Bunch’s cast in hopes that his “with Dutch Boy haircut and wire-rimmed glasses, his resemblance to pop singer John Denver and juvenile appeal would help the flagging series.”

I confirmed this information on three other sites, including an interview in the Washington Post.

It might actually be true.

Let me say that again:

The producers of The Brady Bunch added a character to the show in hopes that his resemblance to John Denver would somehow boost ratings.

Bizarre.

I also found that Robbie Rist, the actor who played Cousin Oliver, appeared on John Denver’s variety show several times and won a John Denver Look-Alike contest.

This story gets stranger by the minute.

 

A bunch wasn’t enough?

Here’s my biggest complaint about The Brady Bunch: The show ran for five seasons. The writers had six kids, two parents, a housekeeper, a dog and a butcher to work with, not to mention a host of special guest stars ranging from Joe Namath to Desi Arnaz, Jr. to Vincent Price.

And yet they still needed to add stupid cousin Oliver to the mix in order to have enough material.

Weak sauce.

Avoid ambiguity in the demise of a character

I don’t mind endings that make you wonder what might happen to a character had another scene been written or filmed. Both Something Missing and Unexpectedly, Milo end with the protagonist’s future in doubt. But at least you know that both protagonists will have a future.

What I despise are endings in which the existence of the protagonist in a subsequent scene is in doubt.

This is why the last episode of The Sopranos annoyed me.

Either kill Tony or don’t. Don’t avoid taking a position on the matter by creating some multi-layered scene that might be interpreted as Tony’s eminent death but might not.

This was a mobster show. Whack the guy or don’t.

This is why I didn’t like the ending to The Wrestler.

Yes, it’s very likely that the viewer is meant to assume that Randy dies at the end of the film, but again, his fate is ultimately left to interpretation.

Does he suffer another heart attack as he dives off the top ropes?

Possibly. Probably.

But aren’t there medical personnel on hand?

Didn’t he survive his first heart attack?

Kill him or don’t.

Ambiguity in the possible death of a character is an act of cowardice on the writer’s part.

Jewish infiltration at the North Pole, perhaps?

My daughter, Clara, and I spent part of Christmas day watching the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special. My wife is Jewish.

I celebrate all holidays involving anthropomorphic creatures and gift-giving.

As a result, our children receive a mixed-bag when it comes to holiday celebrations.

I think it’s great. The best of both worlds.

My wife grew up in a Jewish household, so she is quite young in Christmas years and has no understanding of the fundamental importance of these stop-motion animation Christmas specials.

I’m happy to be passing the tradition onto Clara.

With all this in mind, I found myself with a new perspective as I watched Rudolph for perhaps the two-hundredth time.

Specifically, I had an insight on Hermey, the Christmas elf:

Hermey is a self-described misfit who prefers studying dentistry to making toys. Abandoning Santa's workshop, Hermey runs away, leaving Santa Clause and Christmas behind.

Rejects Santa Claus and Christmas?

Chooses dental school over the toy industry?

Jewish, perhaps?