Happily, I'm hard to hurt.

On Saturday I wrote a defense of that famous Peloton ad and braced myself for a scathing assault from the masses over my opinion.

Given the outrage at the commercial, I assumed that everyone hated the ad in equal measure.

Surprisingly (and happily), I was wrong. Other than a couple of readers pushing back a little on parts of my argument, the vast majority responded positively to what I wrote.

Exceedingly positive, in fact. Not only was the online response positive, but I had a multitude of people in real life thank me for the post, too. Apparently the average American had no problem with the commercial, and the stir was caused primarily by exceedingly woke Americans who feed on outrage culture like it’s their sole source of nutrition.

Not so surprising after all.

On Sunday I met someone during a bookstore appearance who had read the post and also approved. I thanked her and explained how I had expected to be eviscerated for my opinion.

“Then why do you do it?” she asked. She reads my blog daily and said that she worries about me. “I read you stuff and sometimes wonder if you don’t realize how annoyed or angry you’re making your readers. Sometimes even I get mad at you. Why post something if you think people will be mad about it?”

I told her not to worry. I explained that I’ve always been someone who almost can’t help but speak his mind, but thankfully, I’m also blessed with the ability to listen to and consider criticism without it bothering me very much. I can honestly count on two hands the number of times that someone’s criticism has stung.

That doesn’t mean that I simply disregard all criticism. I always read it, and in some cases, it has caused me to alter or entire flip my position. But when that criticism comes in the form of a scathing attack, a angry rant, a disappointed finger wag, vicious name calling, or anything else of the kind, I really don’t care.

Oftentimes I find the unhinged response or angry troll amusing.

This is why I often write something with the expectation that the digital mob will come after me with their torches and pitchforks. I hit the “publish” button with the expectation that people will not be happy. Their position may be challenged, and they may be confronted with an opinion that shocks or surprises or offends them, but I also fully expect that some of the responses will be rude, inappropriate, and possibly insane.

Sometimes, like past Saturday when I wrote my defense of the Peloton ad, I’m pleasantly surprised.

But as I said:

I can’t help but say what’s on my mind, and I really don’t care if anyone responds poorly to it.

I explained all of this to this woman at my book store appearance. She stared at me for a long, hard moment, and then she said, “It must be so hard to love you.”

It sounded harsh, but I understand what she meant. It’s probably not always easy for Elysha to watch the digital mob come after me. About a dozen years ago, a hateful, stupid, analog mob came after me, trying to destroy my career and my life, and I know that wasn’t easy on Elysha or myself.

But maybe the woman was just being mean. After describing myself and my position, maybe she determined that I was utterly unloveable. A wretched human being. A rotten, no good, very bad man.

If that was the case, I’m fine with that, too.

As I said, I really don’t care.

My plate is full. My complains are nil.

I’ve got a lot to do during this upcoming winter vacation.

  • I’ve got two magazine columns to write.

  • I have a book proposal to finish.

  • I have a novel to get off the ground.

  • I need to rewrite large segments of a theatrical show for a well known comedian and performer.

  • I’m producing a show in Brooklyn for the Yale Alumni Association in February, so I need to cast and coach the storytellers who will be performing alongside me.

  • I have two brand new stories of my own that I need to prepare for upcoming shows.

  • I need to finish a podcast series on the making of Twenty-one Truths About Love.

It would be easy to look at this list and complain. I have an enormous amount of work ahead of me,. Add to this my desire to play with my kids, kiss Elysha, visit with friends, attend two Patriots games, see a couple movies, read a couple books, and host an open house on Christmas, and it’s hard to see where I’ll find the time to do it all.

It would be easy - maybe even reasonable - to complain about everything that I need to do over the course of a dozen days of vacation, but you’ll almost never hear me complain, for the same reason New England Patriots linebacker Donte Hightower doesn’t complain about all that he has to do.

Posted in his locker in Gillette Stadium is this message:

“I can’t cry about having a lot on my plate when my goal was to eat.”

Every time I even think about complaining about a book that needs to be finished or a column that needs to be written or a story that needs to be crafted and told, I remind myself of the time - not so long ago - when my dream was to someday publish a book or write a column or perform in front of audiences regularly.

Not so long ago, I could only dream of having this much creative work to accomplish. I try like hell to not forget this when the days feel long and the list seems endless.

And I have Elysha to remind me, too. In 2017, I was hard at work on three different books for three different publishers. Feeling overwhelmed, I found myself complaining to friends over dinner. As soon as we were back in the car, Elysha reminded me of how there was a time - not long ago - when I would’ve killed for a single book contract.

“Now you’re complaining about having three?”

It’s good to have someone to kick you in the ass when needed.

But this extends beyond my creative life, too.

There was a time when I wondered if I’d ever find a woman to love me. If I’d ever have a family.

There was a time when college seemed like an impossibility for me, and I wondered if my lifelong dream of becoming a school teacher would ever become a reality.

There was a time when I was homeless and awaiting trial for a crime I did not commit, when all I wanted was a roof over my ahead and liberty from the possibility of imprisonment.

Hightower is right. “I can’t cry about having a lot on my plate when my goal was to eat.”

When my kids are leaving their shoes in every room of the house and my students are treating each other (and me) poorly and the sink needs to be unclogged again, I remind myself that my family and my career and my home were all once little more than unlikely dreams for me.

How lucky I am to be where I am today.

How fortunate I am to have so much work on my plate.

How grateful I am to have such a full plate.

Speak Up Storytelling #77: Live from Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health with Kathy Binder (Part 2)

On episode #77 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, special guest Kathy Binder and I talk storytelling!

This week's episode features the first half of a storytelling show at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts as part of a weekend of storytelling instruction.

Following the stories, Kathy and I discuss each one.

We hope you enjoy!  

LINKS

Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling: https://amzn.to/2H3YNn3

Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love: https://amzn.to/2qEByex

Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com

Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks

Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe

Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it

One Million Moms suck

In case you didn’t hear:

One Million Moms - an organization populated by a group of hateful, stupid bigots - successfully protested the Hallmark channel’s airing of a Zola ad featuring a wedding between two women, claiming that…

Actually, never mind. It’s not important what their rationale was. I’m sure you can imagine their level of abject stupidity for yourself. Just imagine a bunch of bigots - probably a lot less than a million - who don’t think women should be allowed to get married or kiss or hold hands in public.

Their reasoning is irrelevant. They are horrible, hateful, ignoramuses.

But despite their stupidity, they did manage to get the ad pulled from the network. Happily, the backlash over the Hallmark channel’s cowardly, stupid decision was greater than the One Million Moms bigoted tirade, so three days later, the Hallmark channel rightfully reinstated the commercial.

All of this sent me to onemillionmoms.com to see what these lunatics were all about.

Apparently, it’s a bunch of bigots who are angry about things not going their way.

Their current campaigns include::

  • Protesting the Hallmark channel over the reinstatement of the aforementioned ad

  • Protesting the Hallmark channel’s recent announcement that they are now open to LGBYQ films (welcome to the future, Hallmark channel…)

  • Chick-Fil-A’s recent decision to stop supporting ant-LGBTQ organizations (it’s about damn time)

  • A proposed show on the CW network called Good Christian Bitches

  • An amusing Hotels.com ad referencing condoms

  • Kellogg’s use of cereal mascots to push the LGBTQ agenda (the cereal brand’s famous mascots are promoting their individual cereals packaged together in a purple box with rainbow colors)

  • Thinx, a company that sells period-proof absorbent underwear, launching its new ad campaign titled MENstruation, in an attempt to make everyone, especially men, more comfortable talking about a woman’s menstrual cycle,

  • Barnes & Noble’s selling of a new parody written by Faye Kanouse entitled “If You Give a Pig the White House” (I’ve already ordered 5 copies)

  • Disney’s confirmation that there will be a gay couple in the new animated Star Wars Resistance series

  • Mattel’s line of gender inclusive dolls

  • FemiClear's "Hooha" ad

  • Disney’s “blindsiding” of families with a “lesbian scene” in Toy Story 4

This one is especially disgusting. One Million Moms writes:

“At the start of the movie, when Woody’s new owner Bonnie goes for her first day of kindergarten, in the background there is a quick scene where one child is dropped off by two moms. Later, the moms return to pick up their child who gives them a hug. The scene is subtle in order to to desensitize children. But it is obvious that the child has two mothers, and they are parenting together.”

These are bigoted, hateful, backwards monsters.

But here’s the good news:

By all appearances, they are very upset. Quite angry. As the world slowly but decidedly moves in the direction of love and righteousness, they are like the little Dutch boy, sticking his finger in the dike, hoping to plug up the holes as a flood of love and acceptance and morality overwhelms them. They are organizing protests, signing petitions, crying foul at every turn, but they are losing mightily.

They are fighting a losing battle. Wasting their time and energy. Flailing about like fools.

The world has moved far afield of these backwards, immoral morons. They can cling to their ancient, wrongheaded views of sex and sexuality, and they can mount the occasion protest and occasionally score a temporary victory, but we are finished with their nonsense.

But it’s amusing to watch them waste precious time and resources protesting the rainbow lettering on a cereal box and a commercial acknowledging the existence of condoms.

I love watching losers lose.

Make stuff

This entire film was make with an iPhone 11.

And yes, it was done by Hollywood director David Leitch with a full crew of professionals, but still… it was made with an iPhone 11. A phone that millions of Americans already have in their pockets.

The barrier to entry in the film world has been leveled. So, too, has the barrier to most creative endeavors. You can professionally record music today at very little expense. You can design and draw digitally just like the greatest digital artists today. You can record radio shows at your dining room table.

And the platforms for distribution are free.

Want people to see your film? Post it to YouTube. If it’s great, people will watch.

Write and record a great song? Post to Soundcloud or the dozens of other places where musicians are posting their music today. If it’s great, people will find it and listen.

Want to publish a book but can’t find an agent or publisher? Publish online. Or partner with a self-publishing company to print and bind your book, complete with cover art. If it’s great, it will sell.

Want to host a talk show but can’t find a radio station that will let you in the door? Record a podcast. If you’re doing something that people love, they will listen in droves.

The list goes on.

My point is this:

Whether you are 16 or 60, if you want to make something, you have no more excuses. You can make stuff on shoestring budgets these days - sometimes no budgets at all - and if it’s good, it will be seen.

So just make stuff. Instead of being a content consumer, find a way to become a content creator.

I promise you:

It’s eminently more satisfying to make stuff than it is to consume stuff.

Tell me I'm a jerk-face, but in a measurable, empirical way, please.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you probably know that I take my goal setting and New Year’s resolutions very seriously. Since 2010, I’ve posted my resolutions on my blog, and at the end of every month, I post my progress or lack thereof.

Years ago, I came upon a piece in the Wall Street Journal on New Year’s resolutions that suggests that outsourcing your resolutions may improve your ability to achieve them.

Most of us could use help achieving our goals. Who better to tell us how to improve ourselves than someone who knows us well—perhaps better than we know ourselves—and even may be all too happy to offer up some tough love? And if we promise to check in regularly with this person to discuss our progress, we’ll probably do a much better job of keeping our resolutions.

“We all have blind spots, but the people we are intimate with can see through them,” says David Palmiter, a couples therapist and professor of psychology at Marywood University, in Scranton, Pa. A loved one can encourage us to meet our goals and hold us accountable when we slip, he says.

I had always asked a select group of friends to suggest goals for my upcoming year, but after reading this piece, I thought it might be a good idea to open up my goal selection process to anyone who might want to participate.

I’ve been doing this for the past eight years.

So if you’d like to suggest a goal for me in 2020, I would love to hear your ideas. Please note that this does not guarantee that I will adopt every suggested goal, but I will seriously consider all that are submitted.

Also note that all goals must be empirically measurable, so a goal like “Be less of a jerk-face” cannot be included in my list of resolutions (even if it’s a valid suggestion) because there is no way for me to determine if the goal was met.

But you’re welcome to tell me to stop being a jerk-face at any time if you’d like. No need to wait until the end of the year to make that request.

Submit your suggestions by commenting on this post or emailing me at matthewdicks@gmail.com.

There is nothing wrong with that Peloton ad

Now that the entire world has expressed their utter hatred for the latest Peloton commercial (causing the company’s stock to plunge more than 15%), I’d like to defend the commercial.

A little bit.

In a lot of ways, this Peloton commercial is just like every other Peloton commercial. Place the bike in an enormous, unrealistically minimalist room beside floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking incredible vista and watch a happy, committed person ride. It’s admittedly a ridiculous scenario, but if you were making a commercial for an exercise bike, you’d want to display it in the best possible light. Perhaps there is a middle ground between luxury home with oddly, every changing landscapes and a poorly-lit basement beside the washing machine, but this isn’t the issue that has Americans up in arms.

Critics claim that the advertisement is sexist, promotes harmful relationship dynamics, and implies that women should say thank you to their husbands for asking them to lose weight.

They argue that the advertisement tells the story of a vain, controlling husband that wants his wife to stay thin or even to lose a few pounds despite her already trim physique. Others argued that the ending implies that wives who receive a Peloton as a means to nudge them into losing weight should be thankful and gracious. Some comments on Twitter also jokingly noted that this commercial was nothing more than documenting a 120-pound woman's journey to become a 116-pound woman, or that she was in great shape to begin with.

I think that all of this is nonsense.

Let’s start with the fitness of the wife who is portrayed in the commercial, because this is the most egregious of the claims. Those who argue that the commercial documents a physically fit woman’s journey to shed a couple extra pounds don’t understand the benefits associated with task commitment and daily exercise. They wrongfully assume that someone who appears thin can’t benefit from the multitude of benefits that come with exercising regularly or committing to something important for a long period of time.

Lots of thin people in this world do not exercise. Because of diet, genetics, metabolism, or a combination of all three, they manage to look good despite being relatively inactive. My mother, for example, never weighed over 100 pounds in her life except when she was pregnant with me, but other than walking, she never exercised.

Could exercise have benefited my mother despite being so thin?

Of course

There are many reasons why people exercise, and losing weight (or even maintaining their weight) is only one of them. Exercise reduces your risk of heart disease and some cancers. It improves mental health, It helps to keep your thinking, learning, and judgment skills sharp as you age. It improves muscles and bone strength. It improves sleep. It improves your sex drive. It helps you to live longer.

The list is endless.

And committing to something important and maintaining that commitment over time is also enormously beneficial to human beings. It improves self confidence. Helps to prioritize more appropriately. Overcomes procrastination. Sets a positive example for children.

The list is also endless.

To even assume that the woman in this commercial is trying to lose weight is ridiculous.

And by the way, would critics have preferred that the wife in this commercial be overweight? How would that have played with the American public? Overweight wife is given a Peloton for Christmas from her husband? Or any overweight spouse is given a Peloton by his or her spouse?

Peloton was damned either way. In the critics’ minds, the spouse in question was either going to be too thin to need a Peloton or too overweight to receive one as a gift without it being insulting.

The assumption that the husband in this commercial is vain, controlling, or sexist is also nonsense. Sure, it’s possible that the wife portrayed in this commercial is living in a secretly abusive relationship, but also, isn’t it possible that he gave her the Peloton because he loved her? Because he knew that she would love it?

Does this woman even look like she’s in an abusive relationship? Is there anything in this commercial absent the gift of Peloton to imply that this is the case?

She looks pretty happy to me.

If a Peloton showed up under my tree on Christmas morning, I would be thrilled. I’d wonder where the hell to put it, but I’d still be thrilled. I’d love the gift of Peloton for Christmas.

Would I assume that Elysha is telling me to lose weight or else?

No, I’d assume that she loves me. She knows me. She knows that I go to the gym every day possible to exercise and thought that a Peloton might make my exercise more convenient and appeal to my highly competitive nature.

I’d love one.

I realize that I am a man, so perhaps the dynamics here are different, but am I really expected to believe that never in the history of the Peloton company has a husband given a Peloton to a wife simply because he thought she might like it? Is there really no woman in America who would not be happy to find a Peloton under her Christmas tree this year?

I don’t buy it. Not one bit.

The criticism of this ad reminds me of my college English classes where professors and students would search for purposeful symbolism where there was none. They’d read a poem or a novel and see the color blue make three appearances over the course of 400 pages and look for meaning where there was none.

Sometimes things are just blue. Sometimes Peloton commercials are simply designed to make you want to purchase a product.

And the criticism over the wife creating an Instagram story of her year of exercise as a means of thanking her husband? So stupid. Somehow a sweet act of gratitude - creatively presented - has been turned into some desperate attempt by a wife to please her angry, controlling husband, despite no evidence of this at all.

I gave Elysha a ukulele two years ago. If this Christmas season, her gift to me was an Instagram story of her two year journey learning to play and performing with her ukulele, I’d consider it one of the best gifts I’ve ever received, not because I need her to express gratitude for bringing music and performance and a new commitment into her life, but because heartfelt gratitude is one of the best gifts a person can receive.

Here’s what I suspect:

If you want to see a wife, beleaguered by a controlling husband who wants her to be more physically fit, then you will see that. And it might say something about you, your relationship to your spouse, your relationship to exercise, your own self concept, or the last book you read or movie you watched. Maybe even the last donut you ate.

If you want to see a husband giving his wife a gift that he thinks she’ll enjoy and ultimately does, then you’ll see that instead. Maybe you’ll even give the gift of Peloton.

Or if you want to see some nonsense outrage over people reading way too much about a commercial designed to suggest that Peloton might make a great Christmas gift if if you have an extra $2,500 to spend, then you can be like me and see that.

Write, damn it. Don't be forgotten.

As part of the talks I’ve been doing about “Twenty-one Truths About Love,” I’ve been encouraging folks to write.

Write something. If all you write is a short account of every day - just a few sentences - that would still be more than enough. In fact, it would be a treasure to your future self and your future generations.

I’m also a proponent (and the creator) of Homework for Life, a now-trademarked system of capturing each and every day of your life through the lens of a storyteller. For the past six years, I have asked myself, “What’s the most storyworthy moment of this day? What makes this day different than any other day, even if that thing isn’t the kind of ting I’d ever tell a story about?”

Then I write it down - just a few sentences in a growing database of moments that now comprise almost 3,000 snapshots from my life. Memories from more than 2,700 days and many more memories from the past that I have recovered and recorded.

I also wrote to my children every single day for the first eight years of their lives. That writing exists online on a blog called “Greetings Little One” but also in book form now, and the kids are reading those books constantly. Reading about the parts of their lives that they cannot remember.

I also write a blog - this blog - and I’ve posted something like this every single day for the past 14 years.

Add to this a stack of journals from various times in my life, all the stories that I’ve told onstage and recorded, an unpublished memoir of a summer spent golfing with friends, and an unfinished memoir about the most tumultuous years of my life, and and have a considerable record of my life.

You should, too.

Not to the depth and breadth that my existential crisis demands of me, but do something. Write or record something. Document your existence now before the time becomes fleeting and forgotten, as will you.

Most of the people who have ever lived on this Earth have been forgotten. Any memory of them has been obliterated by time and space, but also by their unwillingness to create a record of their existence.

Don’t let this be you. You deserve to be remembered long after you have shuffled off this mortal coil. And your future generations will treasure all that you’ve left behind.

Don’t take my word for it. Watch this lovely, four minute video about a grandfather who took the time to document his life and the generations beyond him who now treasure his words.

The perfect gift for your child's teacher

I am often asked about the appropriate gift to give your child's teacher around the holidays or at the end of the school year. After two decades as an elementary school teacher, here are some thoughts:

First, giving your teacher nothing is perfectly fine. Teachers do not expect to receive a gift and are often surprised by the generosity of parents, especially considering the expenses associated with raising children.

Not giving a gift does not make you a bad parent in anyway whatsoever.

Contrary to the belief of at least a few parents who I know, the gift that a teacher receives (or does not receive) has no bearing on his or her opinion of the parent, the child, or the family in general. We do not keep score in terms of gift giving. No teacher will ever remember which child arrived at school with a gift and which did not.

Trust me. Not giving a gift is perfectly acceptable with every teacher in every situation, and it's the most appropriate course of action.

In fact, many schools have a policy that does not permit teachers to accept gifts from parents, so offering a gift can place a teacher in an awkward and difficult position. Refusing the gift, regardless of the policy, is impolite, but accepting the gift violates school policy.

As a result, no gift is sometimes just easier for a teacher.

But if you're going to give your child’s teacher a gift (full disclosure: my wife and I give gifts to our child's teachers), here are a few suggestions:

The best gift I ever received from parents was given to me when my daughter was born. Each student in my class purchased his or her favorite childhood book and signed the inside cover with a message to Clara. These books were then assembled into a library and presented to me after Clara’s birth. The books in that library are still some of Clara’s favorites today, and we always take a moment to read the messages that my former students wrote to her. A couple of the kids actually pasted photographs of themselves into the book along with the message, and Clara now knows these kids by name.

It was a remarkable thoughtful and lasting gift that I continue to appreciate to this day.

Three things to take away from this:

Books make excellent gifts. Be sure to personalize them with a message for the teacher if you decide to give a book.

Gifts for a teacher’s children make excellent gifts.

When the class is able to come together and pool their resources, the gift that the teacher receives is often something special.

Along these same lines, I know a teacher who received a gift certificate to the local golf course from his class at the end of the school year. Not only was this thoughtful in terms of matching the gift to the teacher’s interest, but he was able to brag to his golf buddies (myself included) that every round of golf throughout the summer was sponsored by his students.

Making an effort to match the gift to the teacher’s interests and passion is always appreciated.

Playing golf for free is great.

Providing a teacher with the opportunity to taunt his friends all summer long is the best.

But when it comes to gifts, I firmly believe that the best gift that you can give a teacher is simply a note expressing your appreciation for all that he or she has done for your child.

Teaching can be a lonely profession. We work in isolation for much of the day, and our primary clients - the students - are not always forthcoming or insightful enough to adequately express their appreciation for their teachers. While we are routinely observed and critiqued by administers, these critiques do nothing to elucidate the impact that a teacher can have on a student or a family.

I have letters from mothers and fathers that I cherish as much as any other object in my life. I read these letters after difficult days in the classroom, and they lift my spirits beyond measure. They serve as reminders that what I do is making a difference in the world when a tough day or an impossible situation causes me to think otherwise.

Regardless of the gift that you plan on giving your child’s teacher this year, take some time to sit down and write a letter to your child’s teachers, telling them how much they have come to mean to you and your child. Remind the teacher that their impact extends far beyond the classroom and that they are making a difference in the life of your child.

And if you truly believe that your child’s teacher is exemplary, send that letter to the principal and even the superintendent of schools as well. During my first year of teaching, a mother sent a note to me during the holidays expressing her appreciation for all I was doing for her daughter, and a copy of a letter was also sent to the principal and superintendent expressing her support for me.

As a first year teacher, this meant the world to me. It was better than anything else I could have been given that year. It is still one of the best gifts that anyone has ever given me.

When deciding upon a gift for a teacher, consider the gift of words. Give the gift of appreciation and admiration and love. It really is the best gift that you could give.

Yes, my wife and I will be giving gifts to Clara and Charlie's teachers this year, but we will also spend an evening writing a letter thanking them for all that they do on a daily basis to help make our little girl the person she is today.

I suspect that they will appreciate and cherish these letters more than any book or gift certificate that Elysha and I may give.

Speak Up Storytelling: Live from Kripalu with Kathy Binder (Part 1)

On episode #76 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, special guest Kathy Binder and I talk storytelling!

This week's episode features the first half of a storytelling show at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts as part of a weekend of storytelling instruction.

Following the stories, Kathy and I discuss each one.

We hope you enjoy!  

LINKS

Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling: https://amzn.to/2H3YNn3

Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love: https://amzn.to/2qEByex

Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com

Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks

Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe

Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it

Lyric problems: "Don't Stop Me Now"

Queen is a top 5 band of all time. Freddy Mercury is the greatest male vocalist of all time.

I love this band.

Still, the lyrics of some of their songs are just ridiculous. “Bohemian Rhapsody” being the most obvious. Yes, I love the song, and yes, I think it’s one of the greatest rock songs of all time, but there are moments when it simply makes no sense.

“Don’t Stop Me Now,” which might be my favorite Queen song, doesn’t suffer from nonsensical lyrics, but it has its own set of lyrical problems.

Take this stanza, for example.

I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go, go, go
There's no stopping me

I know it’s nitpicking, but which one are you, Freddy? A shooting star or a tiger? I think it’s both, since the shooting star is “leaping,” but talk about mixing metaphors. Then a second later those metaphors are upended by a new one. Now Freddy is a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva.

Three lines. Three different metaphors.

Oh, and in case you have never understood the Lady Godiva reference, Freddy is referring here to Godiva, Countess of Mercia, an English noblewoman who, according to a legend dating at least to the 13th century, rode naked – covered only in her long, red hair – through the streets of Coventry in order to convince her husband to lift the oppressive taxation that he had imposed on his tenants.

So guess the racing car is naked? Or a tax protester? Or red headed?

But this isn’t the stanza that annoys me the most. The most egregious is this one:

I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

My problem here?

The temperature.

200 degrees? You’re traveling at the speed of light, Freddy, but you’re burning through the sky at a temperature that wouldn’t bake a brownie? Coffee is routinely served at 180-205 degrees, so Freddy is apparently burning through the sky at 299,792,458 meters per second but has only managed to reach the temperature of a cup of coffee?

Mr. Fahrenheit? I don’t think so.

I know. I’m nitpicking. I’m nitpicking a song that I adore. I listen to it all the time, and even though these lyrics make me a little crazy, they make me happy to sing them.

But the writer in me loves good lyrics. Sensible lyrics. Lyrics that tell a story or express an idea or feeling clearly in a combination of words that I have never heard before. I love it when a musician can perfectly marry words and music to create something that is sonically appealing while also being thoughtful, insightful, and sensible.

Queen fails this test with “Don’t Stop Me Now.”

Nevertheless, I love the hell out of the song because sometimes a song is so good that it can overcome its flawed lyrics.

The death penalty is wrong

For the first time since Gallup first asked the question, a considerable majority of Americans say life imprisonment is a better punishment for murder than the death penalty.

When first asked in 1985, 34 percent of respondents favored life imprisonment with absolutely no possibility for parole to 56 percent who favored execution.

Today, for the very first time, 60 percent of respondents support life imprisonment without parole for murder compared to just 36 percent for the death penalty.

Finally, a majority of Americans agree with me. And it makes sense.

Since 1973, there have been a total of 166 death row exonerations.

166 innocent people who would’ve been murdered by the state had it not been for The Innocent Project and scientific advancements in DNA identification.

Just imagine how many more innocent Americans have been murdered by the state over the years for crimes they did not commit. Men and women who were unjustly convicted and were killed via electrocution or lethal injection or worse because the evidence required to exonerate them was never found. Or covered up.

As a person who was arrest and tried for a crime he didn’t commit and nearly confessed to the crime after threats of imprisonment by police officers, I know how easily a person can be found guilty for something they did not do.

I have many reasons to oppose the death penalty. I believe that it amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. I don’t believe that the state has the right to take away a person’s life. I know that it’s more expensive to execute a prisoner than it is to incarcerate them for the rest of their life.

But all of those reasons are irrelevant and unnecessary in the face of this:

Mistakes are made in courtrooms every day. Innocent people are found guilty of crimes they did not commit. Justice is not always enacted fairly. Eye witness testimony is exceptionally unreliable. Not every police officer and prosecutor and witness tells the truth.

The existences of the death penalty all but guarantees that innocent people will be murdered by the state. For that reason alone, it must be abolished.

I’m so happy to see that a significant majority of Americans now agree.

Shouting at people in public

My wife, Elysha, has asked me to refrain from engaging in verbal altercations with strangers in public.

I understand her concern. Shaming someone for their poor treatment of a restaurant worker or a CVS cashier is not worth the chances that the person might attempt to cause me physical harm.

I get it.

It’s also been suggested that these rude, inconsiderate, and sometimes racist jerks might simply be having a bad day. “You never know what someone might be going through,” I’m often told. “Maybe they’re experiencing the worst day of their life.”

I don’t buy this argument at all. Even when I was homeless and awaiting trial for a crime I didn’t commit, I wasn’t rude to service workers, nor did I refer to the Hispanic workers behind the counter at the Burger King as “you people.”

A terrible, no good, very bad day does not excuse indecency.

Still, Elysha’s right. Human beings can act in unexpected and violent ways, so I should be more careful.

But I so love engaging these terrible human beings in verbal combat.

So I’ve made a compromise. Instead of engaging these people, I wait. If they attempt in any way to engage me in any way, I will respond, but otherwise I remain frustratingly silent. This has admittedly led to me occasionally, intentionally placing myself within the lunatic’s eye line in hopes that he or she will somehow attempt to bring me into the altercation, which has actually worked from time to time, but I don’t think Elysha loves this maneuver.

All of this leads me to former Maryland governor and Presidential candidate Martin O’Malley’s recent verbal altercation with acting deputy secretary of the Department of Homeland Security Ken Cuccinelli.

Cuccinelli was reportedly forced to retreat from a Thanksgiving Eve bash after O'Malley tore into him over his role in enforcing the Trump administration's hardline immigration policies, which including separating families at the border and caging small children.

Why does O’Malley get to yell at people in public but not me?

Yes, Cuccinelli was a known commodity to O’Malley, so the chances of a violent outburst was nil.

And yes, the caging of children at the border is probably more worthy of verbal assault than an aggravated shopper turning to me to complain about the speed of service at the pharmacy.

But still… if Governor O’Malley can get away with something like this - and I’m happy he did, because indecency, cruelty, and evil must be exposed whenever possible - why can’t I?

A measured response

Back in 2014, I wrote a post about why Disney’s Amber had every right to despise her step sister, Sophia the First.

And I stand by that position today.

I wrote at the time:

Sophia and her mother live alone. There is no father in the picture, and his absence is never explained. Sophia’s mother then marries King Roland, and Sophia instantly becomes a princess. Roland already has two children, Amber and James. Their mother is also inexplicably missing.

As a result of the marriage, Amber and James become Sophia’s step siblings.

As a way of welcoming Sophia into the family, Roland gives Sophia the Amulet of Avalor. This amulet allows Sophia to call on any prior Disney princess in time of need. It also allows her to speak to animals and grow a mermaid tale and swim like a fish.

Because that makes sense.

So think about it:

Amber was Roland’s motherless princess daughter long before Sophia appeared, yet Roland chose to keep the most powerful magical amulet in the world stuffed in some drawer until his new stepdaughter came along, then he gave it to her.

If I were Amber, I’d be angry, too.

Five years after writing that post (and about two weeks ago), someone stumbled upon the post while scouring the Internet and responded with this comment:

… because PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

Speak Up Storytelling #75: Joey Meyer

On episode #75 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Matthew and Elysha Dicks talk storytelling!

In our follow up segment, we discuss last week's book launch event. We also direct listeners to our new Soundcloud account and Matt's updated YouTube channel. We also ask listeners to help solve a problem.

In our Homework for Life segment, we talk about an unexpected reaction to jury duty and how that might become a story. We also talk about ways to avoid overcomplicating a story. 

Next we listen to a story by Joey Meyer.

Amongst the many things we discuss include:

  1. Saying big, important things by telling the story of a small, brief, encounter

  2. Outstanding openings and the power of perpetuating a mystery throughout the story

  3. Sliding details about location seamlessly into the narrative

  4. Effective sentence structure

  5. The hazards of harming animals in a story 

Next we answer questions from listeners about storytelling for job interviews and how writers can transfer what they do from the page to the stage. 

Lastly, we each offer a recommendation. 

Greetings Little One!

From May 14, 2008 to December 20, 2015, I wrote to my children (and future children) every single day.

On May 14, 2008, I realized that Elysha was pregnant - even before she knew that she was pregnant - when she left the table at a restaurant to use the restroom for the second time.

This had never happened before.

I turned to our dinner companion - who happened to by my ex-girlfriend - and said, “Elysha’s pregnant. She’s never used a restroom twice like this.”

Funny, huh? The first two people to know that Elysha was pregnant was me and my girlfriend.

A day later, Elysha peed on a stick and it was confirmed. That day, I began writing.

2,782 days later - 7 years, 7 months and 12 days - I finally stopped writing. With everything that I had going on in my life at the time, I decided that it was finally time to quit. Though I don’t write to my children everyday anymore, my blog Grin and Bear It - which I have been writing every single day since May of 2005 - still captures much of their life, as does my Homework for Life.

All of this writing to my children was done on a blog called Greetings Little One, which still exists on the Internet today.

Since 2015, I have lived in mortal fear that something might happen to Greetings Little One. The platform - Typepad - might go out of business. I’d forget to pay my yearly fee and they would delete the thing without warning me. Some disaster would strike, and I would lose thousands of posts to my children.

Enter Kathryn Gonnerman.

This year I added “Convert Greetings Little One into a book” to my list of new year’s resolutions, hoping to find a way to move the blog into a physical form to prevent the loss of the content and make it accessible to my kids, who are now old enough to read it. I post these resolutions online, and several months ago, our friend, Kathryn, contacted me, expressing a desire to do this work on my behalf and refusing to take payment.

A labor of love.

On Tuesday night, I took Elysha and the kids to dinner, where we met Kathryn and I presented the books to them for the first time. It turns out that the single book I had envisioned ultimately became 5 volumes, complete with all of my words and the phots embedded in the blog. The layout and design of each page - hundreds of pages in all - was done by Kathryn, and the results are extraordinary.

Elysha knew about Greetings Little One when I was writing it, but she certainly wasn’t reading it every day, and the kids had never been told that it even existed, so it was a huge surprise for them all.

I can’t express enough thanks to Kathryn for what must have amounted to more time than I dare imagine. In lieu of paying her, Kathryn agreed to allow us to make a donation in her name to a charity of her choice.

There just aren’t that many people as generous and thoughtful as Kathryn Gonnerman in the world.

Last week, in the midst of telling some folks at a library about how important it is to write - not only for yourself but your future generations - a woman asked, “Do you write for your children?”

She asked the question quite sarcastically, not expecting me to say, “Actually, I wrote to my children and future children for the first seven years of their life. Every single day. Never missing a day.”

“Oh for God’s sake…” the lady responded, rolling her eyes.

But it makes sense. When it comes to the artifacts from my childhood, I have about two dozen photographs, a partially completed baby book, and a stuffed animal. That’s it. My mother has passed away. I don’t see my father very much. The memories that I have from when I was little are few and far between, and the sources of that knowledge are now gone.

Even if my mother was still alive and my father was in my life, how much would they realistically remember?

When you become a parent, you either repeat the things that your parents did or you do the opposite.

I did the opposite.

I gave my children a memory from every day of their lives for the first years of their lives. It meant sitting down every day for a handful of minutes, recording my thoughts, advice, or the events of the day, but in the end, I get to watch my children read about their first steps, their first words, and moments that would be otherwise lost to them and to me forever.

That’s one of the best parts,. When you write something for seven years, you don’t remember a fraction of it, so when I read these books, it’s like reading about our lives for the first time.

I’m very pleased with the former version of myself. He did a good job. Spent his time wisely.

He gave our family something that we and hopefully future generations will treasure forever.

Moments of Note: Take stock

A suggestion:

With one month to go before the end of 2019, take stock in your previous year.

Throughout the year, I keep a running list entitled “Moments of Note” that include anything that happened that was particularly memorable.

  • Firsts and lasts

  • Interesting travel

  • Concerts, musicals, and plays

  • Success and failures

  • New friends

  • Unfortunate encounters

  • Memorable dialogue

  • Glorious surprises

It’s something I’ve been doing specifically for the last four years, and less formally via Homework for Life for eight years, and even less formally via my blog for the last 14 years.

And I think it’s important.

Before you allow 2019 to slip away like all the years before it, sit down and make a list of all the things that made 2019 special. Ask your friends and loved ones to contribute to your list. Look back on your calendar for moments you may have already started to forget.

Make that list.
Take stock.
Reflect on the previous year.
Assemble a list of memories worth documenting and never forgetting.
Feel good about your most recent trip around the sun.

Don’t allow 2019 to disappear into the ether like so many of the years before it.

At the end of December, I’ll post my Moments of Note from 2019, and perhaps you can, too.

Madman

Check it out! My commercials!

Well, not exactly mine, but I worked on the team that created these Prius commercials. I consult on occasion with advertising agencies, helping to provide storylines and infusing some of my storytelling strategies into their commercials and print advertising.

I like to think of myself as Don Draper from Madmen, minus the smoking, drinking, and infidelity.

Sort of a far less interesting, far less swoon-worthy Madman.

Nevertheless, I can’t tell you how exciting it is to see my work in the real world.

You should run out and buy a Prius.

Resolution update: November 2019

Each month I review the progress of my yearly goals and report on that progress as a means of holding myself accountable.

Here are the results for November. This is not looking like a banner year in terms of my completion of goals.

__________________________________

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

Not only am I still alive, but my physical therapy is complete and my occupationally therapy is nearly finished.

I’m a picture of health.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I nether lost not gained a pound in November. Not good.

I’ve lost 7 pounds in total.

3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.

Done! Potatoes were absolutely needed to achieve this goal on many days, but potatoes are fantastic and amazing. vegetables. Did you know that the potato is considered a superfood? Humans can live healthily on a diet of potatoes supplemented only w/milk or butter, which contain the two vitamins not provided by potatoes?

4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

Not done.

Physical therapy for two shoulders and an elbow kept me from doing push-ups and planks for the last three months.

I also stopped sit-ups, which probably wasn’t necessary.

5. Do burpees three days a week.

Not done. My physical therapist told me to stop the burpees. Maybe permanently.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2019.

Writing continues. I’ve re-started this book at least three times, which is unusual for me.

7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist. 

Yikes! I have a bunch of them in various stages, but I haven’t finished a single one yet.

8. Write a memoir.

Work continues.

9. Write a new screenplay.

No progress. I have two very good ideas, but that is essentially what everyone has. Actually writing the damn things is what counts.

10. Write a musical.

No progress.

11. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

I submitted a piece to the NY Times Modern Love column in April. I received word last month that it was not accepted.

One down. Four to go.

12. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

No progress.

13. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

I spent July strategically smiling in hopes that the biofeedback that a smile sends to the brain would alter my mood positively. I wrote about the results of that experiment in October.

This month I’m creating a vision board for myself. I think this is a ridiculous exercise with no discernible benefit, but people seem to think that the inspiration that a vision board provides is useful.

We’ll see.

I need to experiment with one more behavior before the end of the year. Suggestions?

14. Increase my storytelling newsletter subscriber base to 3,000.

DONE! 131 new subscribers in November for a total of 1,054 new subscribers in 2019. My list now stands at 3,164 subscribers.

If you’d like to sign up for my newsletter, you can do so here:

15. Write at least six letters to my father.

No letters written in November. Two written so far this year.

16. Write 100 letters in 2019.

Zero letters written in November. 28 letters overall.

17. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.

DONE! I present to the kids and Elysha tomorrow at dinner. I can’t wait!

STORYTELLING

18. Produce a total of 10 Speak Up storytelling events.

DONE! Three more shows produced in November:

A Great Hartford Storyslam (in conjunction with two other shows), a tribute show to Sarah Kaplan, and my book launch event.

A total of 15 shows produced so far in 2019.

19. Begin selling Speak Up merchandise at our events and/or online.

DONE! We began selling tee shirts and totes at our live podcast recording, and we’ll be selling again at our upcoming shows.

Next step is to make it available online. Suggestions?

20. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

DONE! And what a strange turn of events!

After pitching myself to five TEDx conferences and getting nominated for a sixth with no luck, THREE TEDx organizers invited me to participate in their conferences n October.

I’ll be speaking at TEDx Berkshires in May of 2020.

I was invited to speak at both TEDx Trinity College and TEDx United World College in Changshu, China. Tragically, I had to turn these down due to scheduling conflicts.

21. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

DONE! I attended one Moth StorySLAM at CitySpace in Boston in the month of November.

This brings my total to 21 events so far.

22. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.

DONE! So far in 2019, I’ve won 8 Moth StorySLAMs in total.

Two in NYC, one in Seattle, and five in Boston.

45 victories in all.

23. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I finished in second place by a tenth of a point in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in January.

I finished in fourth place in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in March, but I think I might’ve told my best story ever.

I competed but did not win the NYC Moth GrandSLAM in June. Silent scoring (I’m not a fan) prevents me from knowing how I placed.

I may be competing in one more Moth GrandSLAM in NYC this year depending on the timing of the GrandSLAM and the number of storytellers in the queue ahead of me.

24. Produce at least 40 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling. 

DONE!

Four new episodes released in November..

A total of 40 episodes so far in 2019.

Listen to our latest here or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

25. Perform stand up at least four times in 2019. 

No stand up performed in November.

Three down. Three to go.

26. Develop and teach a Storytelling Master Class, in which participants have an opportunity to tell at least two stories over the course of the day  or tell a story and then retell it based on feedback.

DONE in June! It went surprisingly well, and I’ve been receiving requests to do another.

27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

No progress.

28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

DONE!

I wrote to Marc early in January, asking for him to consider me as a guest.

I wrote again in August.

I wrote again in November.

No response yet.

I’ve also officially requested that my publicist assist me in this endeavor.

If you know Marc Maron, or know someone who knows Marc or know someone who knows Marc’s producer or booker, please let me know. I know that Marc and I would have an amazing conversation, and it’s currently my biggest dream to get on his show.

NEW PROJECTS

29. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.

No progress.

30. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

Painters are scheduled but will likely be finishing the work in early 2020. We can’t hang anything until the walls are done.

32. Renovate our first floor bathroom.

Work has commenced.

33. Organize our second floor bathroom.

Nearly complete. Just a smidgen left. Huzzah.

MISCELLANEOUS

34. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2019.

I made one meal for the family in November.

Eight down. Four to go.

35. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

I had a tentative date, but it looks like it will no longer work.

I’ll be trying for a new date in the spring of 2020.

36. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2019.

I rode my bike with the kids 2 times in November for a total of 15 times in all.

37. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2019 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall. 

I did not comment on physical appearance in November.

38. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2019.

DONE! One more surprise in November October and nine surprises so far.

In November, I gave Elysha socks decorated to look like cats as an “end of conference week” gift.

Added to these were the following surprises in 2019:

  • I mailed a card to Elysha’s school, telling her how I much I love her.

  • I mailed a second card - much more clever - to Elysha’s school, telling her how I much I love her.

  • I purchased a a Pusheen cross-stitch kit and gave it to her on a day she was giving surprises to the kids.

  • I hired a landscaper to install a garden plot in our backyard, which she found when came home. She spent the summer growing vegetables for the first time.

  • While vacationing at Disney World, I surprised Elysha by scheduling a second dessert party and VIP viewing for the Magic Kingdom fireworks. We had enjoyed this treat on our first night in Disney, but it was expensive. But the fireworks were also our favorite part of the entire trip, so I decided to surprise Elysha by repeating the experience on the last night of the trip, regardless of the expense.

  • While meandering through Pike’s Place Market in Seattle, Elysha spotted a pair of earrings that she loved but thought were too expensive. When she wasn’t looking, I took a photo of the earrings and grabbed a business card from the designer. Then I emailed the designer and asked that the earrings in the attached photo be shipped to me. I had hoped to have the earrings on her desk for the first day of school, but they arrived two days late, so I gave them to her two days later. She was quite surprised to see them again.

  • I surprised Elysha with a weekend getaway to Dorsett, Vermont.

  • I skipped a Patriots game on Sunday when my friend and seat mate was too ill to go (and it was pouring rain), so I drove home from Kripalu instead of straight to the game. I determined her location and appeared in aisle 4 of Whole Foods around 1:30 PM rather than the 11:00 PM arrival that was expected.

39. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.

I’ve got a window guy now. This project is on the front burner but will likely need to wait until 2020.

40. Clean the basement. 

Almost done! I filled a dumpster and need another, but the remaining stuff to throw away is in an area, organized and ready to go. Some final organizational issues need to be addressed, but it is so much better. So close to being done.

41. Set a new personal best in golf.

Just one round of golf in November. I’m striking the ball much better, but I still have yet to set a personal best.

42. Play poker at least six times in 2019.

Four games played in 2019. Two to go.

43. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.

We walked for about 90 minutes together this weekend. Three days spent together so far.

44. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.