The world's first decent veggie burger. Not really because it's still a veggie burger, but better.

I discovered that my school serves a veggie burger with bacon.

It may sound counterintuitive, but unless you are eating a veggie burger because you are someone who doesn't eat meat for ethical reasons, this makes so much sense.

A healthier burger option, made more palatable by a slice or two of bacon. It still tastes more like a clump of mud and grass than an actual burger, but if you were looking for a healthier version of the bacon cheese burger, why not remove the beef but leave the bacon?

Brilliant. Right?

Someone actually ruined bacon.

My five year-old daughter is a self-selected vegetarian, except that she eats bacon. This is understandable, I think. Bacon is good.

My friend, Tony, makes chicken wrapped in bacon for our tailgate parties, but when he runs out of chicken, he finishes off by bacon wrapped in bacon, which is my favorite.

It seemed impossible to ruin bacon, and then someone did this. 

Bacon: The perfect Hanukkah treat

Our first night of Hanukkah dinner was a delicious grilled cheese, apple and bacon sandwich.

As my daughter chomped on a slice of bacon (the only meat that she eats), she said, “Bacon is perfect for Hanukkah, Daddy. Don’t you think?”

I’m not Jewish, but even I know that there’s something wrong with that statement.

The bacon coffin. Also real.

From the same company that produced bacon shaving cream comes the bacon coffin.

At $2,999.99, it actually seems like a bargain.

The smell of breakfast whilst you shave

I’m not sure which I like better: The product or the ad copy.

The product is bacon shaving cream. While plain old soap typically does the job for me, I could get behind this idea.

But the ad copy might be even better. Every paragraph contains a sincerely selling point wrapped in a joke that will at least make you smile.

Nothing is more powerful or captivating than the smell of bacon. It is truly the smell of victory (and breakfast). Now you can work yourself into a rich, bacon lather with J&D's Bacon Shaving Cream.

J&D's Bacon Shaving Cream is a high end, luxurious bacon-scented shaving cream for all skin types. It is best used after a hot shower or before an important date with someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with.

With just one use of J&Ds Bacon Shaving Cream, you will smell and feel like a champion. We image that this is what Vikings would have used this to mow down their impenetrable forest of man-beard.

Our rich moisturizers and essential oils ensure a high-performance, smooth shaving experience. Advanced heat-activated aromatic technology lasts for hours and delivers maximum bacon scent when you need it most.

With J&Ds Bacon Shaving Cream, prepare to be loved, admired and possibly be eaten by bears.

That is some damn good writing.