Science supports my wife’s hatred of cilantro and my hatred of broccoli, but she has more credibility than me in food related issues. Unfairly so.

In speaking about cilantro, Julia Child once said, “I would pick it out if I saw it and throw it on the floor.”

My wife concurs. Though her palate is wide and varied, cilantro is her most despised food item. 

Apparently there might be good reason for this, at least according to research described in the New York Times.

How convenient for my wife and Ms. Childs.

Of course, when I cite research indicating that broccoli is likely toxic to my system, people role their eyes and ignore my claims. It turns out that the larger your palate, the more credibility you have when citing a scientific reason for not liking a food.

I’m allergic to mustard, for example but it wasn’t until I accidentally ate a cheeseburger with mustard on it and experienced an actual allergic reaction that some of my friends accepted my allergy as real.

Jerks.

Just because I am a supertaster (verified by a test) with a somewhat limited palate doesn’t mean that broccoli’s toxicity might not apply to me.

So stop rolling your goddamn eyes every time I mention this.

My wife’s 5 least favorite things

My wife is a tolerant, fair minded person who rarely finds a reason to become angry or displeased. She has no hate in her heart, and few things cause her to become angry. 

However, there are a few.

1. Aliens. In truth, she is frightened by aliens, but this fear leads to genuine anger when someone knowingly exposes her to the slightest hint of a alien life.

You cannot underestimate the level of his fear.

Early on in our relationship, I had her watch the movie Signs with me, thinking it would be the perfect alien movie for her. The alien only appears a couple times throughout the course of the film, and never in clear profile. How frightening could that be?

Apparently frighten enough to continue to haunt her almost ten years later.

She acknowledges that ET was an acceptable alien film, but barely. I still cannot get her to watch Close Encounters of the Third Kind, no matter how much I assure her that the aliens are friendly.

She is so frightened of aliens that the recent news that life on Earth may have come from another planet scared her.

The fact that I shared this news with her was not well received.

2. Tickling. There is no better way to enrage my wife than to tickle her. Even though she is ticklish, tickling her doesn’t cause her to laugh. She somehow replaces the laugh with shouts, threats and punches.

3. Bumper stickers. Actually, all forms of stickers on cars, including the stickers that pictorially represent the members of a person’s family, annoy her, but bumper stickers are the worst.

4. People who cut lines. I have watched my mild manned, even keeled, supremely polite wife fire off on unwitting strangers who inadvertently cut the line at the pharmacy, the coffee shop or anywhere else. Motives and intentions be damned. If you cut the line, you will face my wife’s wrath.

5. Cilantro. There are many foods that my wife does not enjoy but only one that she truly despises. Cilantro is it.