Springsteen on parents (and perhaps a path to my salvation)

We honor our parents by carrying their best forward and laying the rest down. By fighting and taming the demons that laid them low and now reside in us. It’s all we can do, if we’re lucky.
— Bruce Springsteen

I have walked for a long time in the shadow of parents whose decisions I could not understand. Decisions that still hurt me to this day.  

I have been unable to find the forgiveness required to put the past behind me and move forward. Perhaps I never will.

But these words have perhaps shown me a path to that forgiveness. A means by which I can step outside that shadow and find some light.  Whether I can ever take those steps is still uncertain, but for the first time in my life, I feel like I can see the way. 

A goal for 2016: An agreement that these parents are awful, disgusting, rotten people

Can we all agree that parents who actively oppose their child's interracial, inter-religious, or same sex marriage are awful people? 

They are still mothers and father, perhaps still worthy of love and respect, and possibly possessing many admirable and endearing qualities, but they are also awful, disgusting, rotten people.

We can all agree to this. Right?

Because if enough of us agree and make our position loud and clear, perhaps these parents will at least be shamed into keeping their awfulness to themselves and stop making their children's lives so difficult.

 

Millennials are living at home in greater numbers than ever before. Are they just overly indulged wimps?

You may have heard that millennials are living at home more than young people in previous generations. In 2014, the number of young women living with their parents eclipsed their counterparts in 1940, and last year 43% of young men were living at home, which is the highest rate since 1940.

I'm trying to maintain an open mind about the economic struggles of millennials and not expand my own anecdotal experiences beyond reasonable boundaries, but I can't help but wonder if it's not high expectations rather than economic struggle that is keeping these people at home longer.

Do millennials expect more, and as a result, are less willing to live in substandard circumstances and struggle to survive?

When I think about how my friends and I lived during our post high school and college years, the one thing that marks that time is struggle.

  • Tiny, cruddy apartments
  • Cheap, carbohydrate-laden food
  • Multiple roommates
  • Exceptionally long working hours (often working two or three jobs to make ends meet)
  • Few amenities.

We slept on floors and in closets. We drove dilapidated vehicles. We hung out in parking lots. We took dates to pizza places. It was not uncommon to have our electricity shut off from time to time. 

And this wasn't the case for just me. The majority of people who I was growing up with after high school and college lived this way.

Again, perhaps my scope is limited, but as a young people, we preferred to eat elbow macaroni, sleep on floors, and watch black-and-white televisions rather than living with our parents.     

Are millennials simply unwilling to endure such hardships given the way that the overly-indulged way that so many were raised, or are the economic realities of today truly more debilitating than my generation?

An honest question. 

Fathers don't get to teach their children to swim anymore.

When I was a boy, my father taught me how to swim. I would cling to the edge of my grandfather’s pool, my father would push me off the edge and toward the center of the pool, and I would flail my way back to the edge.

He would repeat this process again and again until I was a capable dog-paddler.

It wasn’t the best way to teach a kid to swim, but it was the 1970’s. We weren’t wearing seatbelts or life jackets either. Airplanes were being hijacked every week. Kids rode in the back of pickup trucks.

My father’s method of swim instruction seems rather apropos to the times.

Eventually, I learned additional strokes and ultimately became a life guard for the Boy Scouts.

When I was growing up, professional swimming lessons were not an option. Maybe children didn’t learn to swim via swimming lessons back then. Perhaps swimming lessons weren’t available in the town where I grew up. More than likely, my family simply didn’t have the money to afford swimming lessons.

Whatever the reason, my father taught me how to swim, and I have fond memoires of those experiences.

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While I certainly intend to contribute to my children’s swimming instruction in every way possible, it has become apparent to me that my children will be taking swimming lessons in the near future. It’s simply how it is done today.  It’s what my wife wants for our kids. Nearly every student in my class learned to swim via professional swim lessons. Almost every child I know is taking, has taken or will be taking swim lessons.

I think this is kind of sad.

When I am asked who taught me to swim, I answer, “My Dad.” And because my father disappeared from my life for more than two decades, I don’t get to answer “My Dad” very often.

I’m glad my father taught me to swim. It seems like the thing that a father (or mother) should do. 

When my kids are asked the same question years from now, they will likely answer, “Some nameless, faceless, quasi lifeguard/swim instructor at the local pool.”

There was a time when fathers and mothers taught their children to swim as a right of passage.

Not it’s the writing of a check.

I think something is lost when we delegate parental responsibilities onto professionals, even if the instruction that our children receive may be better than our own.