Protip: If you're using The Bible to justify your opposition to gay marriage, please don't forget to declare your disobedient, stubborn, and/or rebellious son a "drunkard and a glutton" and have him stoned to death for his behavior.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21
Protip: If you're using The Bible to justify your opposition to same sex marriage, don't forget to stone to death any woman engaging in premarital sex. And not just your garden-variety stoning, either. You must gather all the people of the town at the doorstep of the woman's father and kill her there.
God is very specific about this (Deuteronomy 22:20).
Side note:
If you are a man engaging in premarital sex, fear not. God does not condemn you to death. However, if you were engaged in premarital sex, it must logically be with either with a woman who was also engaging in premarital sex (meaning you must now stone her to death, which strikes me as awkward given the intimacy of your relationship) or with a married woman, at which point you and the married woman must both be killed.
So caution is advised.
Protip: If you're using The Bible to justify your opposition to gay marriage, please don't forget to stone your local Starbucks barista to death on the Sabbath, too!
Numbers 15: 32-36
