Children swallowing poisoned beads was not my original plan. I swear.

In 2012 I participated in the Books on the Nightstand Booktopia event in Santa Cruz, California. The culmination of the weekend is an event called the Celebration of Author, wherein each author speaks for about ten minutes.

My talk, as well as that of author Cara Black, was broadcast on the Books on the Nightstand podcast this week. I spoke about the importance of reading Shakespeare by telling some amusing stories from fifteen years of teaching Shakespeare to elementary students.

You can listen to my talk (as well as Cara’s) here.

Booktopia blurs the lines between author and reader.

Booktopia is a series of literary retreats organized by Ann Kingman and Michael Kindness, host of the podcast Books on the Nightstand. For the past three years, my wife and I have been coming to Vermont in April to attend these retreats, and last year, I attended Booktopia Santa Cruz as well.

I was a featured author at the very first Booktopia for my novel UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO, and last year I was a featured author again in Santa Cruz for MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND.

In addition to Manchester, Vermont, this year’s Booktopias will also take place in Bellingham, Washington and Petokkey, Michigan.

As this most recent Booktopia weekend comes to a close, I am reminded of an email I received a week ago from a reader in California. It was titled “Will we see you in Bellingham?” and it read:

Hi Matthew.  Your friends from Santa Cruz would like to know... Will you attend again?

I was flattered by the thought that someone far away was hoping I would be joining them in Washington later this year, but in truth, I wasn’t sure if this person was asking me this question as an author or simply as a lover of books.

Unlike any other literary event that I have attended, Booktopia mixes authors and readers into one big melting pot, and the distinction between who is writing books and who is reading books is rapidly blurred because we are all reading books. Authors and readers alike. As often as I find myself talking about one of my books with a reader, I am just as likely to be engaged in a conversation about another book that I did not write. As honored as I am to speak at Booktopia, I attend these gatherings first as a reader who wants to hear from an author rather than an author who wants to meet readers.

I suspect this is the case with almost all of the Booktopia authors as well. Within a very short time, you find that you are less of an author at a Booktopia event and more of a reader who happens to write from time to time as well.

The answer to my friends in Santa Cruz is probably no. The dates to the next two Booktopia events don’t line up well for me, and travel to Michigan and Washington can be expensive. But I haven’t ruled out either trip yet, simply because even though I am almost certainly not going, to admit that reality would make me too sad.

People say the craziest things at author talks

Author and friend Nichole Bernier recently wrote an amusing (and occasionally disturbing) piece in the Huffington Post about the strangest things ever said to authors at book events.

I thought I’d share a few of my own.

At one of my first book talks for the launch of SOMETHING MISSING, a woman asked, “How do your ex-girlfriends play a role in your fiction?”

When I asked about the inspiration begins her unusual question, she said, “You look like the kind of guy with a lot of ex-girlfriends.”

I’m still not sure what she was implying.

Recently I was discussing my newest book, MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND, at a local library. One of the gentlemen in the audience identified himself as autistic and asked, “Do you know what the cause of autism is?”

After stating that there was no definitive answer to that question, he said, “Autism is caused by inbreeding. My parents were first cousins.”

I pointed out that perhaps his parents would prefer that information like that remain private and quickly changed the subject.

During an appearance at the Hartford Public Library a year ago, a less-than-stable audience member rose up halfway through my answer to another audience member’s  question and shouted, “Where are the damn donuts?”

I told her that I tried to avoid donuts whenever possible.

At a recent book club appearance, I was asked about my religious beliefs. I described myself as a reluctant atheist who wishes he could believe in a greater power but hasn’t been able to do so yet.

A woman asked, “Can I pray for you?”

“Sure,” I said. “Knock yourself out.”

“Can I pray for you constantly?”

“Sure,” I repeated, with considerably greater trepidation.

Lastly, a woman at another book club meeting had read my biography earlier that day and inquired about my two near death experiences and the  armed robbery that I experienced. After giving her some details about each event, she asked, “Do you think the universe hates you?”

“As long it doesn’t kill me,” I said, “I don’t care what it thinks of me.”

A easy-to-implement, nearly-free, must-steal idea for libraries and bookstores everywhere: Blind Date with a Book

On Thursday I had the honor of speaking to a large and enthusiastic audience at the Townsend Public Library in Townsend, Massachusetts. MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND was chosen for their annual One Book One Town event, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled. I spent the first hour talking about the craft and business of writing and the second hour discussing the book. There were so many questions from the audience that the lights literally went out before we were finished.

The library is beautiful and the staff is knowledgeable, down-to-earth and incredibly passionate about books.

While strolling through the aisles before the event, I stumbled upon this ingenious means of promoting books that I think every library  and bookstore should steal immediately:

Blind Date with a Book.

Books are wrapped in colorful wrapping paper, adorned with clues about the book, and left on the shelf for patrons to check out as a surprise read.

In addition to providing library patrons with the occasional surprise read, these books would make for great gifts in a bookstore. They come already wrapped in the event the buyer is in a rush (which I always am), and there is an added layer of mystery and suspense that makes the gift unique and a little more fun and interesting for both the giver and the receiver.

    

The $20,000 Pyramid book club

Elysha and I attended a book club in Tolland on Friday night, and it was one of the most entertaining that I have ever had the pleasure of joining.

The evening kicked off with a living room version of the $20,000 Pyramid. The sixteen members of the book club were divided in half down the center of the living room, with me and Elysha placed on opposing teams. The theme song from the original television show was played through the stereo speakers, and then teams took turns choosing categories from a makeshift game board and answering questions about MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND.

There was also a bonus round with questions pertaining only to me. During the bonus round, Elysha asked the questions and I was excluded from playing.

Apparently many of their book club meetings begin with games.

The 50 SHADES OF GRAY Pictionary game was reportedly something to behold.

We talked about the book and writing and aspects of my personal life for nearly three hours, but we enjoyed every minute of it. There was a lot of laughter, a few tears, quite a few questions directed at Elysha and some challenging questions directed at me, including:

“Is it possible that you have ADD?”

“In terms of religion, what do you believe?”

“If you were going to give a TED Talk, what would you talk about?”

Coincidentally, I had completed the TED Talk application process two days earlier, but not even Elysha knew that I had completed the process. The person asking the question simply thought that I would make a good speaker for a TED conference.

I’m hoping the organizers of TED agree. 

I give out a prize at every book event to the person who asks the most unusual or most difficult question to answer. Friday night’s prize was the Spanish version of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND, which went to the woman who asked me if I had attention deficit disorder. While this was admittedly an unusual question (and would have been difficult for me to answer had Elysha not been there to help), the real reason I gave it to her was because she cried the most during the course of the evening.

As for the ADD question, Elysha stated with certainty that I do not have any kind of attention deficit disorder (and she’s an elementary school teacher, so she would know).

If anything, she said, I am mildly obsessive. 

She may be right.

This same woman also attempted to tell us that she would prefer the last name Dicks to her own, which is an Italian name that is sometimes mispronounced “ricotta” or something similar.

I told her that she was insane and that everyone in the room agreed with me, which they did. 

Best photos ever (from an author’s perspective)

MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND has been chosen by the town of Townsend, Massachusetts for their One Book One Town promotion for 2013.

I couldn’t be more honored.

One Book One Town encourages residents of a town to come together and read the same book over the period of a couple months with the goal of promoting discussion about books and literacy in general. 

If you’re in the Townsend area on Thursday, February 21, I will be conducting a workshop at 6:00 PM at the Townsend Public Library for anyone interested in the writing process or thinking about a career in writing.

Immediately following the workshop, I will be speaking to the general public about my book, telling some stories and recommending books that I have recently enjoyed. This will begin at 7:30 PM.

You can register for both of these events on the library’s event page.

Yesterday the town’s library director sent me photos of their display.

Best photos ever.   

  

Awkward questions about sex, underwear, my mental health and my tax return.

At all of my book talks, I offer a prize for the most unique or challenging question of the evening. This began after a woman asked me about the role my ex-girlfriends play in my fiction.

When I asked her why she asked the question, she replied, “You look like the kind of guy with a lot of ex-girlfriends.” 

Thus my contest was born.

At a recent talk, the prize went to the man who asked me if I thought that autism was the result of inbreeding. I was forced to give him the prize in fear that he might attempt to trump that question with another.

Usually the offer of the prize does not cause people to ask anything out of the ordinary, probably because my prizes aren’t great. They tend to be the foreign editions of my books that have piled up around the house. I keep at least one, of course, but had no reason to keep the other ten copies, so giving them away made a lot of sense.

Lately I’ve been working through my stack of Chinese versions of SOMETHING MISSING.

Not exactly an inspiring reward.

But perhaps I have underestimated the value of these books.

At last night’s book talk, I was asked the following less-than-ordinary questions by audience members:

How lucrative is your writing career?

Based upon the childhood experiences that you’ve described, is it possible that you are schizophrenic?

Do you think that you had an imaginary friend as a child because you were neglected by your parents?

Do you avoid writing romance because of the sex?

Do you ever write in your underwear?

I also met a woman whose daughter lives in the home that my grandparents occupied for more than forty years.

It was a fun night, but it was a strange night, too.

The most interesting question ever asked of me at a book talk and other notes from my recent appearance in Leverett, Massachusetts

As I was preparing to leave for my recent book talk at the library in Leverett, Massachusetts, , I asked my daughter for a kiss, explaining that I would be gone for the rest of the night. “I’m going to a library to talk to some people about my books. Okay?”

“Don’t go, Daddy!” she shouted. “I love you! Those people don’t love you!”

Three year olds are not supposed to be so effectively cruel at this age.

Clara was also appalled that I wasn’t going to her “most favorite library in the world.” As I left the room, she shouted, “That is not the right library, Daddy! It’s not right!”

Had the word traitor been in her vocabulary, I suspect that she would have used it. 

Notes from the evening include:

• Leverett, Massachusetts is a town without streetlights. I can’t express to you how dark sections of that town are at night. I felt as if I was passing through Sleepy Hollow, and at any second, my headlights to fall upon the Headless Horseman. Even in the relative safety of my car, it was a little creepy.
  
• I met another fan of the Books on the Nightstand podcast, which appears to be spreading like a benevolent virus throughout the book-loving world. It’s so interesting to meet someone who listens to the same podcasts as me. It means the same voices (in this case those of Ann Kingman and Michael Kindness) inhabit our heads at least once a week, making me feel an instant connection to this particular woman even though we had just met.
  
• For the fourth time this year, I was asked if I perform standup comedy. I tried to explain to my overly generous audience that a standup comedian’s job is much more complicated and requires more courage than I could ever muster. A standup comedian tells jokes in a carefully constructed set, and he or she must perform in front of an audience that has paid money with the expectation that they will laugh. The stakes are high and hecklers abound. I simply tell stories, many of which happen to be amusing.
  
• Still, it was a nice question to be asked, and I was grateful for my ability to make my audience laugh. The question was also deemed the most interesting or challenging question of the evening, earning the questioner a prize. Last night it was the Greek edition of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND. 
  
• My former McDonald’s employee and friend from twenty years ago, who now lives in California, was in attendance, much to my surprise. In fact, she sat in the back so I didn’t see her until the end of my talk. You never realize how much you have missed a person until you see that person face-to-face. Unfortunately, we were only able to spend a few minutes together before we had to part company once again.
  
  

Incidentally, the most interesting or challenging question of all time was asked a couple years ago. A woman asked, “What role do your ex-girlfriends play in your fiction.”

Surprised by the question, I asked the woman what made her ask it.

She said, “You look like the kind of guy who has had a lot of ex-girlfriends.”

Despite her suspect rationale and passive-aggressive attack on my character, I actually liked the question a lot. I view every question as an opportunity to tell a story, so after explaining to the woman that I could not think of any way that my ex-girlfriends played a role in my fiction, I was able to tell a couple of funny stories about ex-girlfriends, including the girl who slept with her eyes wide open.

I’d wake up in the morning, uncertain if she was gazing lovingly at me or still fast asleep.

Even creepier than the Headless Horseman.

I'm honest about my stupidity simply because I'm stupid more often than most.

I spent a weekend in Santa Cruz recently while on book tour. I was taking part in a literary retreat in which I had the opportunity to speak both formally and informally with readers, authors, booksellers, librarians and audiobook narrators. Some of these people have heard me speak before at previous events and were kind enough to listen to some of my stories again. Throughout the weekend, readers, booksellers and even authors commented on how honest I am. Following a talk to a group of 20-30 readers, for example, no less than six audience members approached me and expressed appreciation for my honesty in varying degrees.

At dinner the previous night an author expressed appreciation for my honesty after I shared a story about a time in high school when I was especially cruel to a teacher.

I’ve heard this sentiment before, but for whatever reason, it was out in full force during this particular weekend.

The problem was that it made no sense to me.

I also spent the weekend listening to authors speak both formally and informally, and I found each one of them to be remarkably candid and honest. I was captivated by their stories, their descriptions of the the writing process and their willingness to share the struggles and setbacks that they experienced on the road to publication.

I was impressed with each and every one, and not once did I think of them as disingenuous or insincere.

On Saturday night, after my final talk of the weekend, another person who had read my books and heard me speak before approached and once again complimented me on my honesty.

I couldn't help it. I had to ask:

“What do you mean by honesty? I’ve listened to all these authors speak all weekend long, and they all sound honest to me?”

“They are,” this person explained. “They’re all wonderful. You’re just not afraid to tell us how stupid you are.”

As much as this comment did not initially sit well with me at first, it made sense after some reflection and brought these comments regarding my honesty into a clear light.

It’s not that I am more willing to admit to how stupid I am. It’s just that I do more stupid things than most people and therefore have more that I can admit to.

Read Shakespeare and avoid children’s theater

On Saturday night I had the honor of joining nine other authors and audiobook narrators for Books on the Nightstand’s Celebration of Authors. Each of us were asked to speak on a topic of our choice (presumably pertaining to books and literature), and I decided just a few minutes before my turn to speak to talk about Shakespeare and the horrors of children’s theater.

Unbeknownst to me, friends and readers of my work were recording my talk and posted it to YouTube shortly thereafter. An audio recording on my talk, as well as the talks of Tayari Jones, Ann Packer, Tupelo Hassman, Simon Vance, Grover Gardner, Cara Black, Sarah McCoy, Adam Johnson, and Lynne Cox, will be available on the Books on the Nightstand podcast in the coming months, but if you can’t wait, you can hear and see my talk from that night.

Notes from the Brattleboro Literary Festival

Last weekend I had the great honor of participating in the Brattleboro Literary Festival in Brattleboro, Vermont. Here are some thoughts from the weekend.

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I lost in the first round of Friday night’s Literary Death Match to author Victor LaValle and his amusing, suspenseful and disgusting story about a man and a public restroom. Nevertheless, author Stuart O’Nan described me as “Raymond Carver meets Denis Johnson” and poet Major Jackson called me the Bruce Springsteen of storytelling.

Jackson’s comparison was partly the result of my hairy arms and working class appearance, but still, I think my life may finally be complete.

_________________________________

Also judging Literary Death Match was inestimable Jane Yolen, who directed Guggenheim Fellowship winner Victor Lavalle to give me some money once she learned that I was not also a Guggenheim winner. 

I am still waiting to see the cash.

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The aforementioned writers Jane Yolen, author of more than 325 children’s books, and Stuart O’Nan, author of more than 15 novels and works of nonfiction, are enormous, mindboggling celebrities in my mind, which made the amount of time I spent with these two authors and others this past weekend both astounding and humbling. 

I chatted with Jane and Stuart before and after Literary Death Match and later found myself at the same table as Stuart in a bar near our hotel, discussing books, publishing and most of all, baseball. Also sitting at the table were award-winning authors Tayari Jones, Bernice McFadden and the aforementioned Victor LaValle.

I felt like a complete fraud sitting at a table of such literary heavyweights. 

Then I spent parts of the next day chatting with these same authors and more before sitting down to dinner on Saturday night at the same table as Jane Yolen and author Richard Mason.

The next day Jane attended my book talk, and we spent quite a while afterwards talking about books, teaching, our families and more. Jane and my wife discovered that they are both Smith College graduates, so they had a lot to chat about as well.

I cannot tell you how utterly thrilling and slightly terrifying it was to spend the weekend in the company of authors such as these. Though none of them knew it (I hope), my mind was constantly filled with screams of “I’m chatting with Jane freakin’ Yolen! I can’t believe it!” and “Stuart O’Nan and I are talking Yankees-Red Sox! How is this even possible?”

A fraud, I tell you. I felt like a complete and total fraud.

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I was joined for my talk on Sunday by author Ben Dolnick, who recently published his second novel, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Ben is the type of author who approaches his craft with great deliberation and literary earnestness, which is the opposite of how I write. While Ben is contemplating how Proust and Alice Munroe may inform the shape and design of his novel, I am spitting words on the page in hopes that they form complete sentences. It’s always an honor to have the chance to speak to an author with as much skill and talent as Ben, though once again, I couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a fraud in his presence.  

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One of the audience members suggested that I try my hand at standup comedy. While it was a nice thing to say, I explained that my wife does not think I am funny at all and I lack the courage required to become a standup comic.

There’s also far too little money in standup comedy for my liking.

_________________________________

On Friday evening, while my wife and I were at Literary Death Match, my in-laws were in our hotel room, taking care of our baby. Charlie was not feeling well, so at one point, he began crying and Elysha was called back to the room. 

Before she could return, a guest called the front desk, complaining about the crying baby. My mother-in-law asked the clerk, “What do you suggest? That I smother the baby?”

Later, the same person pounded on the wall of our room, upset that my wife and her parents were still awake and talking past 9:00 PM on a Friday night.

Had I been in the room, I would have invited the passive-aggressive coward to meet me in the hallway to discuss the matter face to face. This type of challenge usually causes people like these to retreat back into their turtle shells. In the rare instance that they take you up on your challenge, even better.

Pounding on the wall of a hotel room? Is there anything more weasely and pathetic?

The next day Elysha and I were beeped at when we failed to cross a street in a timely manner while pushing our stroller. I was uncharacteristically unprepared for this confrontation and skedaddled across the road like a frightened rodent. What I should have done is slowed down or even stopped in the middle of the crosswalk to tie my shoe.

I’ll be ready next time. That’s the key to all confrontations. Mental preparation.

Elysha regretted not extracting Charlie from the stroller and nursing him right there  in the middle of the crosswalk, which would have been the greatest retort to a car honk in all of human history.

Plans for the weekend? Why not join me, Jane Yolen and Stuart O’Nan for something I don’t entirely understand.

For anyone interested and in the area, I will be appearing at the Brattleboro Literary Festival this weekend along with an enormous assemblage of far more interesting and well known authors.

If you’re looking to do something this weekend, you really should consider attending the festival. Brattleboro is a beautiful town and the lineup of authors is extraordinary.

On Friday night, I will be competing in Literary Death Match at 8:00 at the Robert Gibson River Garden (where I gave my very first book talk five years ago). I have never participated in or attended a Literary Death Match, but the YouTube videos of these events make them appear fairly insane, so I’m quite sure what to expect. All I really know is that I will be reading about seven minutes of my own fiction and will be judged on my performance by a former Literary Death Match finalist and (brace yourselves) Jane Yolen and Stuart O’Nan. 

So no pressure.

If they approve of my performance, I move onto a final round, in which I honestly have no idea what might happen.

It should be interesting.  

Then I will be speaking again on Sunday about my books and my writing process at the same location at 11:00 AM.

On Saturday I will be squeezing in as many author talks as possible with my wife, my in-laws, some friends and anyone else who would like to join us. So if you plan on making the trip to Vermont (or already live there), let me know when you’ll be arriving in Brattleboro and perhaps we can get together for lunch or to take in an author’s talk together.

Bookseller love

I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting Stanley Hadsell of Market Block Books in Troy, New York, but he is my hero. Actually, all booksellers are my heroes and heroines, but based upon sales data and anecdotal reports, Stanley hand sells more of my books than any other bookseller on the planet.

By the way, does anyone else think it a little too coincidental that a man with the surname Hadsell became a bookseller who spends his days hand selling books?

I did a signing at Market Block Books a couple years ago, but sadly, it was scheduled for a day when Stanley was not working. I will be returning to the store on September 22 to speak and sign books again, and my first priority will shake Stanley’s hand and thank him for helping readers find my stories

Stanley has started recording some of his book recommendations on video, and this week’s installment includes MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND.

Even though I have never met the man, I knew that he was passionate about books. That passion is on full display in his video:

Forgetfulness

At last night’s book launch, I read a poem by Billy Collins while recommending one of this books of poetry. I also spoke about the importance of listening to Collins read his own poems and the remarkable visuals that have been applied to some of his work.

This is one of my favorites:

My book launch included three very special people

Last night’s book launch at Barnes & Noble was wonderful, and I thank all of my friends and family and fans for their support. We had about one hundred people in attendance to hear me read a smidgen from MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND, tell some stories related to the book, recommend some of my favorite books, and answer some interesting, challenging and probing questions from the audience.

Included in the audience were three former students who were in my first class fourteen years ago. When I taught these three students, I was teaching second grade and they were seven years old. Today they are are preparing to enter their junior year in college, and yet whenever I launch a book or premier a musical or direct a Shakespearean play with my class, they always seem to find a way to be there.

I cannot tell you how much this means to me. 

Brandon was my first most difficult student, so he is also one of my most memorable students of all time. He was a handful to say the least, and he would have been a handful even with a decade of teaching experience under my belt. He was a class clown, a rambunctious boy, a slightly disinterested student and perpetually happy, which made it almost impossible to punish him. No matter what I did to make him suffer and learn his lesson, he would continue to smile. 

Today Brandon is studying to be a surgical physician's assistant and doing great. He has a mature young man who continues to impress me every time I see him. At last night’s launch, I charged the audience to go home and write something and make it a habit that they never stop. Before I had even returned home and paid the babysitter, Brandon had written about something he had overheard that night and sent it to me for my review.

I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to see it.

If only he had been so quick to complete his homework assignments in second grade.

Liz is the reason that I teach Shakespeare to my students. I was having an especially difficult day in class. No one was listening to my instructions, students were unfocused and loud, Brandon was probably causing trouble, and so in an act of desperation, I shouted, “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!” The class went quiet, everyone stared at their wild-eyed teacher, and then little Elizabeth, seven years old at the time, said, “What does that mean?”  I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves and explained that the line came from a play entitled Julius Caesar. Then Liz asked, “What’s the play about?” I began to summarize the plot of the play to the class, and for the first time in what seemed like a week, my students were paying attention to me. Seizing on the moment, I gathered them at my feet and told them the entire story of Julius Caesar and his tragic fall from grace. When I was finished, the class was staring at me in utter fascination. They asked if they could perform the play, and thus my career in children’s theater was born.

Liz was one of my best and brightest students during that first year of teaching, and she remains so today. She is also going to be a junior in college this year, and as expected, she is doing remarkably well.

Allison is one of the few students who I had the pleasure of teaching for two years in a row. After teaching second grade for that first year, I was moved up to third grade and about half a dozen students moved up with me, including Allison. I call them “The Tainted Few.” Allison was a quiet but inquisitive student  who wore the same purple sweatshirt almost every day and never stopped smiling. She has thankfully left that purple sweatshirt behind and is now attending college and studying marketing, though she also wants to pursue a career in set design and lighting. More than just my former student, Allison has become my friend and an informal member of our family. She is now the primary babysitter for our children and a fixture at family events. Clara refers to Allison as her best friend, and I couldn’t imagine a better best friend for her. 

When I began teaching elementary school fourteen years ago, I never expected that three of my tiny second graders, who who were still learning to read and write and behave, would continue to be such an ever-present part of my life. There were many other former students in the audience last night, and each of them mean a great deal to me, but these three former students from my first class own a special place in my heart. They serve as a reminder of who I once was and who I am today, and they have taught me that the bond that forms between a student and a teacher can last long after the students  have left the classroom and moved onto bigger and better things.

It’s not something they tell you about you when you’re in college, studying to become a teacher, but they really should.

The paycheck isn’t great, but the benefits are incalculable.

I forged author Kate DiCamillo’s signature, but don’t worry. I was signing one of her books.

While speaking on a panel at the Newburyport Literary Festival on Saturday, I was asked to recommend two books. I recommended my first novel, SOMETHING MISSING, though doing so made me a little uncomfortable, since I was the only author on the panel.

I also recommended THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX, the Newbury Award winning novel by Kate DiCamillo. It’s a brilliant and beautiful book about courage, sacrifice and the dangers of nonconformity, and it’s equally suited for children and adults.  Then, in order to make up for my level of discomfort in recommending my own book, I suggested that audience members buy DiCamillo’s book before purchasing my own.

“I’d even be willing to sign Kate DiCamillo’s book if you’d like, if that will convince you to buy it. With my name or Kate’s name. Whatever you’d like.”

The comment garnered a laugh from the audience, but as I was signing books in the outer lobby, one of the audience members took me up on my offer, asking me to sign Kate DiCamillo’s name by proxy.

I have often told readers that I am perfectly comfortable with them signing my name by proxy in my books, since I believe in delegating responsibility whenever possible, but I have yet to see someone actually take me up on this.

But as requested, I signed Kate’s name to the book, adding an inscription that complimented my own wit, charm and good looks in order to ensure that the signature appeared very tongue-in-cheek and unlikely made by the hand of DiCamillo.

Later that night, I received a tweet from the woman whose book I signed. She hadn’t taken the time to look at the inscription at the time of the signing but noticed it several hours later and had a good laugh over it.

I’m hoping Kate DiCamillo won’t mind, since I did manage to sell a book for her. Many, in fact.

But it got me thinking:

At every bookstore appearance, I make it a point of recommending half a dozen other books to my audience in addition to my own. I try to recommend books in a variety of genres, including fiction, nonfiction, graphic novels, children’s books and even a cookbook.

What if I was to ensure that, in addition to my own books, the bookstore had at least one of these titles in stock, adding during the recommendation portion of my talk that if anyone purchased one of these books in addition to my own (or even instead of my own), I would be willing to sign that author’s name by proxy?

Would authors be pleased that I am helping to sell their books?

Would they be annoyed with me for forging their signature?

Is this even amusing enough to make it worth the time and effort?

The idea certainly garnered a laugh on Saturday, and it made enough of an impression in the mind of one audience member to take me up on the offer, but perhaps this is the kind of thing that goes well if done spur-of-the-moment but not so well if it is planned and executed in a regular basis.

Thoughts?

Newburyport Literary Festival 2012

My weekend at the Newburyport Literary Festival was marked by many memorable experiences.

• Drinking scotch and talking books with author Andre Dubus while attending a party in his beautiful Newburyport home.
• Listening to former Poet Laureate Robert Pinsky recite poetry with the accompaniment of a world class jazz band.
• Speaking on panels on the subjects of social media and the author-editor relationship.
• Spending some quality time with my editor and other friends in the publishing industry.
• Connecting with authors, editors, publishers, songwriters, poets, bloggers, audiobook performers, and others in the book world. 
• Meeting readers, signing books and chatting about my novels.
• The hijacking of my books by a creepy little doll in the Inn:

But one of the highlights of my weekend came on Sunday around 9:30 AM when I finally made it to Richdale, a store in the center of Newburyport that sells 25 cent hotdogs (over half a million sold!). Except this weekend, the hotdogs were free in honor of the owner’s recently deceased dog, Husker. None of my friends would eat one of these hotdogs with me throughout the weekend, so after breakfast with my editor, we strolled down to the store and I enjoyed a post-breakfast treat before packing up and heading home.

 

My stable of podcasts

On Saturday I participated in a panel on social media at the Newburyport Literary Festival. Among the many topics discussed was podcasting, and I mentioned that in addition to audiobooks, I consume an enormous number of podcasts on a daily and weekly basis.

Several audience members, including my editor, asked for a list of the podcasts that I listen to, so the following is a list copied and pasted straight from my iTunes podcast subscription pane, in no particular order. Most of the descriptions are also taken from iTunes, and when there was no description, I added one myself.

I was also asked what my three favorite podcasts were. This is a hard question to answer, since I love so many, but at this particular moment, if I could only choose three, they would be Under the Influence, Motley Fool Money and The Moth.

But ask me tomorrow and I may give you three completely different choices.

• 60-Second Mind: A weekly commentary on the latest in brain and behavior studies.   
• 60-Second Science: A daily quick take on science.
• 60-Second Tech: A quick take on technology.     
• NPR People: Hmmm....  Krulwich on Science Podcast        
• NPR: Playback Podcast: Each month, NPR Playback combs the NPR radio archives to connect the news of 25 years ago with the present.
• NPR: Planet Money Podcast: On NPR's Planet Money, you'll meet high rollers, brainy economists and regular folks -- all trying to make sense of our rapidly changing global economy.
• NPR Programs: Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Podcast: NPR's weekly current events quiz.
• NPR Story of the Day Podcast: The best of Morning Edition, All Things Considered and other award-winning NPR programs.
• NPR StoryCorps Podcast: A weekly podcast from the national nonprofit that records the stories of everyday people and preserves them at the Library of Congress. 
• NPR: Books Podcast: NPR book reviews, news and author interviews -- for people who love to read. The best of Morning Edition, All Things Considered and other award-winning NPR programs.
• Real Time with Bill Maher: An audio recording of the popular HBO program
• New York Times Science Times: A roundup of the topics addressed in this week's Science Times.   
• New York Times Book Review: The newest releases and literary trends.   
• This American Life: Weekly podcast of the award-winning radio show This American Life.
• WNYC's Radiolab: Science meets culture and information sounds like music. Each episode of Radiolab is an investigation -- a patchwork of people, sounds, stories and experiences centered around One Big Idea.
• Books on the Nightstand: Illuminating conversation about books and reading 
• The Moth Podcast: The Moth features people telling true, engaging, funny, touching and eye-opening stories from their lives.
• Freakonomics Radio: Stories of economics and decision making from the authors of FREAKONOMICS.
• TEDTalks: TED is a nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. On this feed, you'll find TEDTalks video to inspire, intrigue and stir the imagination from some of the world's leading thinkers and doers, speaking from the stage at TED conferences.
• 99% Invisible: A tiny radio show about design, architecture & the 99% invisible activity that shapes our world.   
• WTF with Marc Maron Podcast: Comedian Marc Maron interviews celebrities in the comedy and entertainment world
• Motley Fool Money: A weekly discussion of topics related to recent news from Wall Street and Washington, DC that affects investors.
• Market Foolery: Market Foolery features a team of Motley Fool analysts discussing the day's top business and investing stories.
• The Story Collider: Stories about science   
• HBR IdeaCast: Stories from the Harvard Business Review   
• Under the Influence: The first 50 years of modern advertising was hard-sell. The next 50 years was persuasion through creativity and media tonnage. But advertising is no longer a loud one-way conversation. It's a delicate dialogue now. This podcast addresses these issues. 
• New Yorker Out Loud: A weekly conversation about what's new in The New Yorker.
• New Yorker: Comment: A weekly reading of the magazine's "Comment" essay.   
• ESPN Radio: Best of Mike and Mike: A daily offering of the best of ESPN Radio's Mike and Mike in the Morning. 
• ESPN Football Today: NFL updates, analysis and opinion from ESPN's team of experts.   
• ESPN: The B.S. Report with Bill Simmons: Bill Simmons discusses sports and pop culture with celebrities and media personalities. 
• Slate Magazine Daily Podcast:  A daily podcast of articles from the online magazine Slate.com   

I think I have finally found the perfect catchphrase to use when signing a reader’s book.

Since publishing my first two novels in 2009 and 2010, I have been searching for the perfect catchphrase to use while signing a reader’s book.

I wanted something short, clever, memorable and apropos to me that I could use in addition to my signature, but I had yet to find the right sentiment. I have even put the question out to my blog readers and Twitter followers without any success.

Instead, I have been writing arbitrary phrases like ‘I hope you enjoy my story’ and ‘Thanks so much for giving my book a chance’.

Meaningless drivel that caused me to suffer a great deal of disappointment and self-loathing with every signature.

But after years of searching, I think I have finally found the perfect catchphrase.

When signing a reader’s book, I will write:

I know we’ve only spent a few moments together, but you remind me so much of the spirit found on page 86 of my novel. 

Except each time I will change the page number to a different, arbitrary page, leaving the reader to analyze and scrutinize the page in an attempt to bring some meaning to my purposefully random, intentionally amorphous statement.

Can you imagine the look of consternation on the readers’ faces as they read and re-read the page, searching for a hint of themselves amidst my prose?

It would be priceless.

Or perhaps I will choose half a dozen different pages from the novel that are especially suited to this purpose. Pages that are emotionally charged or perhaps devoid of emotion completely. Pages so inscrutable as to have the reader wondering about my comment for years and years.

I think this might be perfect. It would give me the chance to personalize every book that I sign and infuse it with some meaning (albeit false) while staying true to my own nonconformist, occasionally jerky self.

It might even work out well for some readers.

The narcissist will undoubtedly find a way to transform my comment into a sincere and meaningful compliment.

The introspective soul will have the opportunity to examine the page with careful thought and reflection.

The self promotional office braggart will have a new and fascinating topic of discussion for the next day of work, perhaps even photocopying the page and distributing it to his or her coworkers in an attempt to crowd-source an analysis of my statement.

Either way, I will have a little fun with the reader, and it will almost guarantee that he or she will share the book with others in an attempt to ascertain the meaning of my statement. this process might even lead to a few more sales as well. 

Not bad. Right?

My approach to the book tour: Part 2

Yesterday I described the format of my typical book talk. Today I offer a few suggestions on how to guarantee success at a book talk.

1. One of the criticisms of my book talk format is that not everyone has a plethora of stories to tell about their books, and in these cases, reading from the text is required in order to fill the time.

I do not believe this to be the case.

Even if it were true, however, I don’t think that filling the time by reading large portions of your book is ever a good idea.

But still, I believe that everyone has a story to tell.

While I have admittedly led a less-than-conventional life, I believe that everyone has stories waiting to be told. When I prepare to compete in a Moth storytelling competition (as I am doing now), the first thing I do is ask my ten closest friends for stories that might fit the assigned topic, because I am constantly forgetting many of my story-worthy moments and discarding others as not interesting enough.

Do the same. Ask your friends and family what stories might be appropriate for your book talk, and remember that the connection between the story and the book does not have to be very strong.

If it’s a highly entertaining story, there connection between it and the book can almost be indiscernible.

Also remember that people love to read and listen to stories about work. Pulling back the curtain on your experience in the publishing world is often fertile grounds for storytelling.

2. When you’re finished with a book talk, write down all the questions that the audience asked you, or better yet, have a friend attend your talk and do this for you. Questions from the audience often serve as excellent prompts for future stories, and they can often guide you in terms of what your future audiences will want to hear.

One of the questions I get quite often asks how and when I decided to become a writer. The answer to this question is actually an interesting and amusing story from my days in high school, but I would have never thought to include this story in any of my talks had I not been asked the question so often. When you find a story that audiences seem to appreciate, don’t wait for someone to ask you the right question in order to tell it. Find a way to include it in every talk.

3. Do not read from notes. You should always speak extemporaneously. As unfair as it may be, audiences expect authors to be effective, engaging public speakers, even though we spend much of our time alone and in our heads. Reading word-for-word from a script (which I have seen done three times) will only cause the audience to question your abilities as a storyteller. More importantly, watching someone read from a script is never entertaining. Better to stumble a few times and speak from the heart than to simply read from a set of note cards.

4. Don’t be afraid to form a partnership with another author. There is nothing wrong with sharing the stage. Not only does this double your prospective audience and introduce you to a new set of readers, but it can also be very helpful to a less experienced, less effective public speaker.

In the past, I have partnered with a very successful author who is an excellent writer but a less effective public speaker. While she has many interesting stories to tell, she is often unable to weave these stories seamlessly into her talk. She becomes nervous onstage and requires a moment or two to formulate her thoughts before she is able to answer questions from the audience. When we work together, I serve as a moderator of sorts, sharing my own stories but also providing openings that allow her to tell her stories as well. I answer questions from the audience first in order to provide her the time she needs to think, and I prompt her with questions of my own that I know will engender interesting and amusing responses from her. The format works quite well, and together, we are able to draw a fairly large number of people to our events, making our talks enormously successful.

5. A partnership between a traditionally published author and an indie author or even a self-published author can also be highly beneficial to both parties. Indie and self-published authors often have a difficult time arranging appearances in bookstores and libraries, but if they are partnered with a more traditionally published author, bookstores and libraries can often be convinced to sponsor a joint event. In return for helping these authors gain access to these venues, traditionally published authors will often find themselves with considerably larger audiences than what they are normally accustomed to. Indie and self-published authors are people who have to aggressively sell themselves and will often pound the pavement incessantly in order to ensure that there is a decent-sized audience at an event. A traditionally published author can take advantage of this entrepreneurial spirit by helping the indie author gain access to a venue and thus ensuring a very successful event for both parties.

6. The day before an appearance, I often ask my Twitter and Facebook followers if there are any questions that they would like answered at my event, even if they will not be in attendance. I write these questions on note cards and will use them to initiate the question-and-answer session if needed. Having them in my pocket means that I am guaranteed to have 3-5 questions that I can use is my audience is less than forthcoming in terms of questions, and because I was able to choose them, they are questions that I know will provide me with interesting stories to tell.

7.  Be the last to leave person to leave your event. Close up shop with the bookseller or librarian if possible. The extra twenty or thirty minutes that you spend at the end of the night will mean a great deal to the stragglers who have hung around hoping for just a few more minutes with an author they admire. Above all else, never appear to be in a rush to leave. No author, regardless of his or her success, is so important as to run out the door immediately following the talk.

8.  There is always one crazy person at every book talk (or at least this seems to be the case). These are people who will attempt to monopolize your time, thrust half-written manuscripts into your hand, and tell you stories about the conspiracy behind their failure to publish. When you encounter these people, I try to be as direct and polite as possible. With luck, your host will help redirect this person away from you.

9.  It’s always better to be self-deprecating than self-aggrandizing. Save all your success stories for your parents and grandparents. Book talks are the time to roll out the most embarrassing and humiliating moments of your life. Nothing helps an author connect to an audience better than a reminder that he or she can be just as stupid at times as everyone else.

Thoughts on these suggestions?

Suggestions that you’d like to add?

Have you attended any of my previous book talks and have anything additional that you’d like to add about my performance?

We’re all ears.