The smell of breakfast whilst you shave

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I’m not sure which I like better: The product or the ad copy.

The product is bacon shaving cream. While plain old soap typically does the job for me, I could get behind this idea.

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But the ad copy might be even better. Every paragraph contains a sincerely selling point wrapped in a joke that will at least make you smile.

Nothing is more powerful or captivating than the smell of bacon. It is truly the smell of victory (and breakfast). Now you can work yourself into a rich, bacon lather with J&D's Bacon Shaving Cream.

J&D's Bacon Shaving Cream is a high end, luxurious bacon-scented shaving cream for all skin types. It is best used after a hot shower or before an important date with someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with.

With just one use of J&Ds Bacon Shaving Cream, you will smell and feel like a champion. We image that this is what Vikings would have used this to mow down their impenetrable forest of man-beard.

Our rich moisturizers and essential oils ensure a high-performance, smooth shaving experience. Advanced heat-activated aromatic technology lasts for hours and delivers maximum bacon scent when you need it most.

With J&Ds Bacon Shaving Cream, prepare to be loved, admired and possibly be eaten by bears.

That is some damn good writing.

One percent of stupidity

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As of today, this video has been viewed more than three million times.

It’s been liked by more than 41,000 viewers.

It contains not an ounce of political rhetoric. Not a smidgen of partisan positioning. There is no talk of party or platform or policy. 

It is simply a recording of the President of the United States telling a group of volunteers that he is confident that they will do great things in the future. And yes, for a moment, while expressing his pride for the people in the room, the President has tears in his eyes.

It’s a moving speech, but what I am most interested is the 641 jackasses who disliked the video. These people amount to .0002 percent of the total number of views that the video received and (not ironically) .01 percent of the people who have chosen to rate the video.

The one percent raises its ugly head again. 

It’s hard to imagine how sad and petty and angry and implacably partisan a person must be to actively and purposefully dislike something like this.

They must have been so annoyed with the reelection of the President.

That makes me so happy.

I’d rather be lucky than be dead.

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I have a friend for whom everything seems to work out fine regardless of the circumstances. No matter the trouble he may find himself in, the universe invariably intervenes and saves his skin.

The most frequent example of this takes place on the golf course. Whenever he hits a golf ball into the trees, the ball will almost always strike a branch and come bouncing back out on the fairway.

Nearly every time.

When it doesn’t come bouncing out, it’s only because it’s managed to find just the right spot between two trees where there is still a clear shot at the green. Quite often the ball will be sitting atop several blades of impossibly stiff grass, in perfect position for the next shot.

It’s no wonder I’ve only beaten him once in my life. I’m competing against him and the universe at the same time. 

Years ago, he inadvertently set off the school’s fire alarm while melting recycled crayons in an oven as part of a classroom project. The entire student body emptied onto the playground and the fire department sent its engines to the school, thinking it was a real alarm. I watched the situation unfold with an inappropriate sense of joy, thinking that there was no way my friend was going to squirm his way out of this one. 

But it turns out the fire department had most of its engines on the other side of town that day, testing fire hydrants, so their arrival time to our school had been delayed. As we stood outside with our students, waiting for the engines to arrive, I heard our boss say that this unscheduled fire alarm was actually a blessing in disguise. “Had this been a real fire,” he said, “the fire department’s response time would have been unacceptable. This gives me the chance to have a conversation with them about how to prevent this problem the future.”

See that? My friend sets off the fire alarm, bringing instruction to a halt throughout the school and sending everyone one the playground to stand in line for fifteen minutes, and yet the fire alarm turns out to be a “blessing in disguise.”

The guy can’t lose.  

I thought about him while watching this unbelievable, incredible, inconceivable video.

You’ll see why:

Caine’s Arcade is back with an equally joyous follow-up story

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In case you didn’t see Caine’s Arcade when I posted about it last spring, you should take a moment and watch it now. It is pure joy and inspiration.

If you’ve already watched it, you might want to watch it again.

I did, and it was ten minutes well spent. Again.

Best of all, there’s a follow-up to Caine’s Arcade that will bring you just as much joy as the first video.

Caine has been a very busy boy in the past year.  

So much nuance in just 30 seconds of bigotry

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This anti-Obama, anti-gay marriage ad is fascinating.

First, despite the enormous amount of money that Super PACs are pouring into the campaign, they apparently cannot afford professional actors or writers. The ad is embarrassing in terms of its production value.

If I had paid for this ad, I’d be angry as hell.

Second, this may seem picky, but does anyone other than me think that the shot of the coffee mug being placed on the napkin is a little strange? I’ve watched the ad a dozen times, hoping to discover a subliminal message hidden  within the shot, but I can’t find anything save the inexplicable decision to focus on the mug and the napkin for one awkward second.

Bad acting, bad writing and bad direction. Way to go, Campaign for American Values PAC.

Third, I’d like to know what newspaper the woman in the ad is reading, because President Obama has not proposed any legislation regarding gay marriage, nor has he expressed any desire to do so.

In fact, he doesn’t need to. The states will eventually legalize gay marriage on their own. According to recent CBS and Pew polls, more Americans now support gay marriage than oppose it, and support is increasing rapidly. Six states have already legalized gay marriage, and at least two more are likely to join the ranks in 2013.

Perhaps the producers of this ad haven’t noticed, but even the Republican candidates have been mum on gay marriage. They know it’s a losing battle.

Fourth, I’d like the Super PAC responsible for this ad to find me one person in America who:

  1. Voted for President Obama in 2008
  2. Believes that marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman
  3. Believes that President Obama is attempting to “force gay marriage” on the American people
  4. Would switch his or her vote to the Republican ticket based solely on this faulty belief

There are a lot of people in the United States, but I would venture to guess that not a single American citizen could meet all four of the criteria that the characters in this ad represent. This person simply doesn’t exist. It’s an ad directly solely at the two fictional people who appear in the ad. 

Last, did you notice the final, gauzy image in the ad? The family has gathered in the living room, presumably to discuss how disgusting gay people are and how legalizing gay marriage will make everyone gay and ruin the country and stuff.

When I saw the couple’s three smiling children, I immediately thought, “Quick! Someone save those kids from those bigoted, poorly portrayed parents! Remove those kids from the home! Now!”

Then again, the kids probably don’t need any rescuing. Support for gay marriage among young people is extraordinarily high. More than two-thirds of people born after 1981 now support gay marriage and those numbers are also increasing rapidly. The odds would seem to indicate that at least two of the children in the ad will ultimately reject their parents’ bigotry in the same way that my generation rejected the racism of our parents’ generation.

Design yourself

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NPR’s Robert Krulwich delivered a commencement address at Maine's College of the Atlantic that I liked a lot.

In all honestly, his delivery isn’t great. His head is down a great deal of the time, and his posture leaves something to be desired, but the words are fantastic, so click play and then go do something else while you listen.

Outstanding life advice from an accomplished person who I have always admired.