Resolution update: August 2013

In an effort to hold myself accountable, I post the progress of my yearly goals at the end of each month on this blog. The following are the results through August. 1. Don’t die.

Still good.

2. Lose ten pounds.

Still down ten pounds for the year. I’m attempting to lose another ten pounds during the second half of 2013 but have not made any progress on this secondary goal yet.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done.

4. Launch at least one podcast.

In addition to the equipment being ready, I think we may have found a producer as well. I hope to finalize details in September.

5. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

I can’t find the flute. Not in my car. Not in my classroom. This will hinder the completion of this goal considerably

6. Complete my fifth novel before the Ides of March.

7. Complete my sixth novel.

The first 20,000 words will be sent to my agent on Tuesday. With any luck, we should be able to sell this book and possibly the next book soon. I am still on target to actually finish the manuscript by the end of the year.

8. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

I will send at least one of the manuscripts to my agent by the end of September, which I also said last month and the month before.

9. Complete a book proposal for my memoir.

This one is tricky.

I finished a memoir this month. It is in the hands of my agent.

It is not the memoir that I planned on writing when I set this goal. Instead, it is a memoir of a summer spent on the golf course. It’s an accidental memoir. I did not plan on writing it, and then I wrote it. In addition to completing the book, I have also done the work required to draft a book proposal. In terms of this goal, one memoir is complete.

Work on the proposal for my originally intended memoir continues. I plan on completing this by the end of the year as well.

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

No posts published in August. We remain one post away from reaching our goal. It is my turn to write a post, so I hope to meet and exceed this goal in September.

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

I remain one class and an inexplicable $50 away from achieving certification. Since I have no intention of leaving my elementary school within the next two years, this goal has taken a bit of a backseat to others. I may not complete the final course in 2013 depending on when it is offered.

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

I have now published three pieces in the Huffington Post and one in Beyond the Margins. Nothing in an actual newspaper yet.

13. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended three Moth events in August, bringing my total to fourteen. I completed in two of the StorySLAMs, placing first in both and running my consecutive winning streak to four.

My name was not drawn from the hat at the most recent event.

14. Locate a playhouse to serve as the next venue for The Clowns.

The script, the score and the soundtrack remain in the hands of a New York City playhouse.

15. Give yoga an honest try.

No progress.

16. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

I missed 6 days in August because of days when my son awoke before I had a chance to meditate.

17. De-clutter the garage.

I have been told that the remaining furniture will be removed soon.

18. De-clutter the basement.

Work continues, albeit at a glacial pace.

19. De-clutter the shed

Work ceased on this project in August. I’d love to think that it will begin again in September, but with the month ahead, that is hard to imagine.

20. Reduce the amount of soda I am drinking by 50%.

I will begin recording my soda intake today. My first glass of Diet Coke is sitting to my left.

21. Try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

I tried a new cheese in August that Elysha did not think I would enjoy. I did.

22. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2013.

No progress.

23. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

Resolution update: March 2013

In an effort to hold myself accountable, I post the progress of my yearly goals at the end of each month on this blog. The following are the results through March. 1. Don’t die.

Don’t mean to jinx things, but I kicked ass with this goal in March.

2. Lose ten pounds.

Three pounds down and holding annoyingly steady.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done.

4. Launch at least one podcast.

Preliminary work has officially begun.

5. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

The broken flute remains in the back of my car. One of my students loaned me a flute because he wants to play a duet with me. I haven’t removed it from the case. I don’t think any of this counts as progress.

6. Complete my fifth novel before the Ides of March.

Done! Huzzah!

7. Complete my sixth novel.

I’m in the process of deciding which book will be next. There are eight choices, and I am equally excited about each one. Discussions with my agent and my wife have begun.

8. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

I have three manuscripts in various states of being. I will share these drafts with students and adults this month to determine the one that I should focus upon first.

9. Complete a book proposal for my memoir.

Work will not begin on this goal until the summer.

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

No blog posts written yet for the year.

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

I am now just one class and an inexplicable $50 away from achieving certification. That class will be taken in the summer.

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

I had a second piece published in the Huffington Post in March and another in Beyond he Margins. Both of these publishing outlets exist online but might be better in terms of audience and publicity than an actual newspaper. I may need to rethink this goal.

13. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended three Moth events in March. I told a story at the GrandSLAM Championship in The Music Hall in Williamsburg and placed second. I told a story at The Bell House in Brooklyn and placed third. I told a story at the New School in Manhattan and placed a surprising fifth (it was one of my best stories, I think). That brings my total to five Moth events in 2013.

14. Locate a playhouse to serve as the next venue for The Clowns.

The script, the score and the soundtrack are now in the hands of even more necessary people. Fingers crossed. We also plan on applying for a New York theater festival in 2014, though that application process has not yet begun.

15. Give yoga an honest try.

Though I’m ready to try this whenever possible, the summer might be the most feasible time to attempt this goal.

16. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

Done.

17. De-clutter the garage.

Progress continues. The garage may me empty by the end of April.

18. De-clutter the basement.

No progress. Summer job.

19. De-clutter the shed

No progress. Summer job.

20. Reduce the amount of soda I am drinking by 50%.

My plan was to begin recording my soda intake in March. I failed. I also failed to begin recording in April, so I will have to wait until May to begin this project.

21. Try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

In March I tried a curry chicken dish that I liked a lot and sugar snap peas (as part of a rice dish) that were palatable.

22. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2013.

No progress. Summer job.

23. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

I am four days late.

Resolutions that didn’t make the 2013 list

In deciding upon this year’s New Year’s resolution, several were discarded for a variety of reasons. Among them were the following:

Set a new personal best in golf.

I may have excluded this from my list simply because I am afraid that it is not possible. My lowest score for nine holes is a 46, and my lowest score for 18 holes is 95. Without lessons or a dramatic increase in the amount of playing time, I just don’t see myself improving these scores without an enormous amount of luck.  

Launch a podcast related to teaching.

I already plan on launching a podcast related to writing in 2013, so my idea of bringing three teachers (my wife, my friend and me) together to discuss education and answer questions of parents, students and fellow teachers might turn out to be fairly simple once I learned about the process, but it may not. Even if I manage to streamline the technical aspects of the process, it will still take time to record. As a result, I thought that one podcast this year would be more than enough. If the second manages to get off the ground, it will be a bonus.

Deliver a TED Talk.

While the idea of delivering a TED Talk remains something that I would like to pursue in 2013, the amount of content that I already plan on producing is so large that I felt that some ideas had to be left off the list. A TED Talk was one of them. 

Write and perform a 5-10 minute standup comedy set in 2013.

I would like to attempt standup comedy someday, but once again, the amount of writing, storytelling and podcasting that I have planned for 2013 is already more than enough.

Launch a proposed business venture with a close friend.

A friend and I have a possible business idea on the drawing board that we hope to launch in 2013, and we are already in discussions about it, but it may take more than a year to accomplish, so I have left it off the list for now. 

Read a specific number of books in 2013.

Readers suggest this resolution to me every year. Three years ago I established the goal of reading a dozen books published within the same calendar year (and achieved the goal fairly easily), but that goal was set in order to force me to read more current material.

My attitude towards overall reading has always remained the same:

Read as often as possible in 2013. The number of books doesn’t matter if I am reading as much as I can. Therefore no resolution is needed.

Make one mortgage payment from poker profits.

I paid for our honeymoon with poker profits, and I’ve always wanted to make at least one mortgage payment via poker, but the amount of playing that I do today is limited because of my writing schedule. Also, the online poker environment became decidedly more challenging with the US restrictions on online gambling in 2010. While I am fairly certain that I could earn enough money via poker to make at least one mortgage payment if I dedicated time to the endeavor, it turns out that writing is simply more profitable.

Resolution update: 2012 in review

The following is the December update and end-of-year review of my 2011 New Year’s resolutions.

I am currently in the process of deciding upon my 2013 goals and will post them later in the day.

Of my twenty New Years resolutions established at the beginning of 2012, only six were successfully completed. This has been my least successful year in the seven years I have establishing goals and posting them to my blog. 

Of the goals achieved, I am most proud of my Moth performances and next week’s opening of The Clowns. Both of these achievements were unfathomable just two years ago.  

Of the goals I failed to complete in 2012, the failure to complete my fifth novel looms large.  It impacted completion of many other goals and hangs like an albatross around my neck.     

The success or failure of each individual resolution is as follows: 

1. Don’t die.

2. Lose ten pounds.

My weight is exactly the same as it was on the first day of the year.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done.

4. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

I end the year with a broken flute and not a single hour of practice.

5. Complete my fifth novel before the birth of my next child.

Still not complete. My greatest failure of the year, and the cause of many other failures.

6. Complete my sixth novel.

Though I wrote parts of my sixth (and seventh novel), neither is even close to completion.  

7. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

Three children’s books are in various states of completion, and an editor is interested in looking at them, but until I finish my fifth novel, all other writing projects were put on hold, preventing pursuit of this goal.

8. Complete the book proposal for my non-fiction, photographic  collaborative project.

See above.

9. Complete three chapters of my memoir.

Parts of three chapters have been written in preparation for stories that I have told at Moth StorySLAMs in 2012, but nothing formal or comprehensive has been written yet.  

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

A total of ten posts were written for 2012.

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

One class was completed in the fall of 2012. The second class is not available until 2013.

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

Many pieces were written. Few were submitted. None were accepted. The failure to complete the fifth novel made this goal exceedingly difficult to achieve.

13. Attend at least five Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended a total eight Moth events in 2012, exceeding my goal. Seven StorySLAM’s and one GrandSLAM.

I won two StorySLAMs, placed second in three other StorySLAMs, placed second in the GrandSLAM, and was not called to the stage for one StorySLAM.

In terms of goals achieved in 2012, this is by far my proudest. I told my first Moth story in July of 2011, and since then, I have taken the stage for a total of eight StorySLAMs and two GrandSLAMs. I won three of the StorySLAMs, took second place three others, and placed second in this year’s  GrandSLAM.

The Moth has become an important part of my life in a relatively short time.

14. Complete the necessary revisions of our rock opera (The Clowns) so that it can be staged as a full production in 2013.

The Clowns opens on Friday for a weekend run. Are you coming?

15. Rid Elysha and myself of all education debt before the end of the year.

Incremental progress was made throughout 2012.

16. Give yoga an honest try.

This did not happen, despite the efforts of friends to help.  

17. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

This has been my most surprising achievement of 2012. Not only do I spend every morning meditating, but recently, I was able to enter a state of meditation in a room full of people. For at least a couple minutes and maybe more, I managed to eliminate all distraction and empty my mind. I had been trying to do this for much of 2012, and though I only managed it once, I was thrilled.

18. Agree to try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

I tried at least twelve new dishes in 2012 and found at least a few that are palatable.  

19. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2012.

This goal went uncompleted as a result of my failure to complete my novel.

20. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Considering that I forgot to post results for the last two months, I can hardly consider even this to be a success.

Resolution update: August 2012

In an effort to hold myself accountable to my yearly goals, I post the progress made at the end of each month. 

1. Don’t die.

I nearly ended up in a fist fight with a biker last week outside of Best Buy, but even if I had fought him, I think I would’ve won.

2. Lose ten pounds.

I lost 2 pounds in the month of August. Still 13 pounds from my target weight.   

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done.

4. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

Flute still broken. Broken flute still in car. I still suck in regards to this goal. 

5. Complete my fifth novel before the birth of my next child.

Still not complete. August admittedly contained extenuating circumstances when it came to completing the book, but that is not excuse. I feel like a failure, though every time I say this, my wife wants to smack me.  

6. Complete my sixth novel.

Though I can’t wait to dig into one of my many new ideas, the possibility of finishing a second novel before the end of the year seems grim.

7. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

I am still struggling to find a clever end to my first picture book. Once I do, it will be sent to the publisher for review. I will be sharing the book with my students in a week or two. My hope is that they may propose an ending that works. Kids are smart like that. 

8. Complete the book proposal for my non-fiction, photographic  collaborative project.

The novel and the memoir are simply taking precedence at time.

9. Complete three chapters of my memoir.

Parts of three chapters have been written in preparation for stories that I have told at Moth StorySLAMs, but nothing formal or comprehensive has been written yet. The unfinished novel looms large over everything else at this point.  

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

No posts in August. We remain stuck on three, and I have yet to get a laptop into my sister’s hands.

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

My first class begins on Tuesday. I wonder where the hell it is.

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

Like previous months, I published a piece in Beyond the Margins in April, which is not exactly a newspaper but is a great place (and maybe even a better place) for an author to publish.

I now have three pieces in the pipeline (including one I sent to my editor less than five minutes ago) with hopes that at least one will find its way into print soon.

So there’s plenty of potential.

13. Attend at least five Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I competed in my fourth and fifth Moth events in August, finishing an agonizing second in both StorySLAMs, losing by a combined total of three-tenths of a point.

Though my goal of 5 events has been achieved (the first of the year), I have no intention of quitting. I’ll be attending the SstorySLAM on September 24 at The Bitter End in New York City. The theme of the night is Grudge. I had many stories from which to choose.  

If you would like to attend this upcoming StorySLAM with me, please let me know. I’m always looking for company.

14. Complete the necessary revisions of our rock opera (The Clowns) so that it can be staged as a full production in 2013.

Done! Revisions are in the hands of the director. Our production is slated for the first week of January. I will pass on all the details as they become available.     

15. Rid Elysha and myself of all education debt before the end of the year.

Incremental progress has been made in July.

16. Give yoga an honest try.

I have a friend with some free classes who has offered to bring me to a lesson. I have yet to take her up on her offer. 

17. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

I mediated on 18 of the 31 days of August. Extenuating circumstances interfered with several days. In truth, I missed meditating on the days that I was not able to get it done. 

18. Agree to try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

Brace yourselves. In August, I tried arugula, a leafy green vegetable, despite my wife’s vehement protestations, and I think I liked it.  

19. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2012.

The race has been cancelled for 2012. My plans for a race in the fall have been derailed by five out-of-state book events, a host of in-state appearances and an unfinished novel that hangs on my neck like an albatross. 

20. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

Maybe yoga isn’t such a good idea after all.

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to give yoga an honest try.

After reading Lee Anne Finfinger’s The 10 things you’ll do once you start yoga (that have nothing to do with yoga), I’m not so sure that it’s a good idea anymore.

Here is her list along with some of my reaction.

Should I be worried?

________________________________

1.  At least once, you will force yourself to try to be vegan.

I’d starve to death within a month if I attempted to be vegan. 

2.  Your iPod will now include a heavy serving of Kirtan.

This would be reason enough to never attempt yoga.

3. You will pretend not to notice that your ass now fits in a size 6.

I don’t think this applies to me. Men’s clothing sizes actually match our  actual physical dimensions. In terms of pants, for example, I am a 33-30, meaning my waist is 33 inches and the length of my pants from groin to cuff is 30 inches.

Women use meaningless numbers like 6 or 8. When I have asked the reason behind this indecipherable numbering system, I have been told that the fashion industry uses amorphous numbers like 6 because women vary so much in shape that using actual dimensions would not be useful in determining fit.

This is nonsense, of course, since there was a time when actual measurements were used in women’s fashion. Also, a meaningless number like a 6 is not more helpful in terms of fit than actual physical dimensions.

This piece in Slate explains the history of this absurd system rather well.

Regardless, I doubt that I will have an thoughts in terms of my ass when I begin yoga.

4. You will go back to your natural hair color

Again, this does not apply to me. 

5. You’ll attempt to read The Yoga Sutras, the Bhagavad Gita, or the Upanishads while your stack of fashion magazines calls to you from the next room.

Apparently The Yoga Sutras have nothing to do with sex, and I have no fashion magazines in any room whatsoever, so I don’t see this happening, either.

6. You will take a retreat.

A writer’s retreat? That might be nice, unless it involves picnic baskets and ping pong.

7. You’ll start taking photos of yourself in yoga poses. 

This would presumably require someone to take the photograph, and I don’t see my wife helping me out.

8. You will at some point wear mala beads.

I don’t wear jewelry of any kind.

9. You will become a cheap date.

I already am.

10. You’ll get over yourself. 

This seems like the least likely outcome of all.

Resolution update: May 2012

I am six days late in posting my mostly lack of progress in terms of my yearly goals.  

On a positive note, I still have more than half of the year to complete these goals. 

On a less than positive note, I have been a pathetic disappointment thus far.

1. Don’t die.

Done.

2. Lose ten pounds.

Since my wife went on doctor-ordered bed rest three weeks ago, our friends have been sending over food on a fairly regular basis, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

However, the food that they send over tends to be the kinds of dishes that are easy to transport and reheat. Lasagna. Casseroles. Pizza. Pot roast. Spaghetti and meatballs. All delicious but also heavy on calories. Add to this a decreased workout schedule because of my wife’s constant position on the couch and I now find myself twenty pounds over my goal weight.

The birth of my son last week is not helping. Less time at the gym. More delicious meals from friends.

I’m going to be very hungry during the second half of 2012.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done.  

4. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

My broken flute remains in my car. I drove by the repair shop this morning, but I was driving my wife’s car, so I didn’t have the flute with me.

I mention this in a veiled attempt to imply progress.   

5. Complete my fifth novel before the Ides of March the birth of my next child.

Not complete. I’m quite disappointed with myself.

6. Complete my sixth novel.

Though I am not currently working on my sixth novel, I have about 12,000 words already written for one of them, and several thousand words written for two more. Plus about 3,000 words of a memoir.

Perhaps this is why I am failing so miserably with the previous goal.

7. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

No progress in the month of May. All writing energy has been directed at finishing my novel.

8. Complete the book proposal for my non-fiction, photographic  collaborative project.

This project will be tackled during the summer.

9. Complete three chapters of my memoir.

This project, which will be part of an overall proposal, will be completed this summer.

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

My sister posted for the first time this year, and I have since responded. Two down, ten to go. She promises another post this week.

It should also be noted that Kelli is writing these posts on her phone, since the fifteen year old IMB laptop that she has been using is no longer functioning. She plans to visit this month to see the new baby, and I will give her one of my old laptops, which will probably seem impossibly futuristic to her. More importantly, it will help her to produce work faster.

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

Elysha continues work on this project. I believe that she has one class ready for the fall and is still in search of the other.

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

I published a piece in Beyond the Margins in April, which is not exactly a newspaper but is a great place (and maybe even a better place) for an author to publish.

I still have two pieces currently in the pipeline with hopes of both finding their way into print soon.

13. Attend at least five Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

My plan for attending my third StorySlam of the year in April were quashed when our then-unborn son decided to create problems with my wife’s placenta, necessitating fulltime bed rest.

My third Moth appearance will now take place at the GrandSLAM championship on July 17 at the Highline Ballroom in Manhattan. The theme of the night is “Fall from Grace.” If you would like to attend the show, let me know and I can alert you as to when tickets are available.      

14. Complete the necessary revisions of our rock opera (The Clowns) so that it can be staged as a full production in 2013.

My partner and I plan on finalizing the script this summer. The director of the playhouse has recently expressed excitement over the project and a desire to assist in the revision, which sounds great to me.

15. Rid Elysha and myself of all education debt before the end of the year.

Incremental progress has been made on this front in May.

16. Give yoga an honest try.

It does not appear that yoga classes will be happening at my school after all. I need to find another introductory class to attend. Anyone? 

17. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

I mediated for five minutes a day for approximately 25 of the 31 days of May. I haven’t realized any benefits from this time spent yet, but I will continue trying.     

18. Agree to try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

In May, I tried honeydew for the first time and found it palatable but boring.

19. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2012.

The race is planned for the fall. 

20. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Six days late, but my newborn son is seven days old, so I’m using him as an excuse.